when i see all the unrest the could care less and carelessness from those who should be our best it’s like a colorless sunset hollow empty shiny but still somethin’s missin’ life is just dissin’ you and me got to see these leaders and who they really be raisin’ anger makin’ danger riled up fired up lied to free to upset regress and not reset the soul or console the whole of our cities our children all the cryin’ moms does anyone hear the tears they just busy shoutin’ making fear screamin’ for what what do you want take off your mask and task yourself with being someone who is against the grain relieving pain runnin’ away from the insane inane life drain of sin and self of placing humanity on the shelf so your cause won’t die what’s the use if we just abuse and use and consider others refuse to throw away when they refuse to say what i want them to say Lord color us with mercy and grace make space for us to change and stop leaning into feelings and stay here kneeling into releasing the darkness we think is the light color our hearts with love light and truth solid unchangeable unquenchable truth fire that is higher than our silly ways have your way save us from us and deliver us to a new that never dies and that one day will help us to transcend the skies and leave this place of sorrow and woe no more night no more pain tears left behind oh God above make it so make it so we confess our sin leave judgment to you invite you to look within our broken hearts help us to start to say no to lies and yes to your truth oh God have mercy have mercy oh God color our hearts like a sunset singing loud testifying that you are here you entered our pain lived died and rose again HALLELUJAH! won’t you help us down here won’t you help us down here
sometimes it feels like i don’t know anymore can you point me to the exit door i thought it would be the tribe that had the right vibe or the cool cause would become my why but I find myself asking why the night seems darker and all the sides just lie messages dance and prance through the social media sphere shouting the truth is here the truth is here the truth is here what you see is what is true period what i see is false period we’re both right we’re both wrong period so we sing our song loud and proud and if you won’t sing along and if I won’t play cancel cancel cancel we say but i am here and so are you maybe the push to win is just polished acceptable sin i’m trying to see to open my heart to start a conversation to lay down my weapons to deal with me to recognize what’s inside this flawed broken man learning to stand on my knees dear God help me please to realize that there is no prize waiting for any side when we choose to erase a person who has or doesn’t have faith we all bear His image we all need a center it can’t be me it can’t be you the Creator’s justice His love and grace is solid and true for me for you the human race needs to slow down and embrace our limited sight our twisted mind and instead taste and see He is good He is good He is good you and i are not the answer to the problems we’ve made it’s the enemy within this fractured soul that needs redemption to be made whole what if we stopped stealing the healing with all our shouting and screaming and in stillness and silence we met our Creator and finally meet ourselves as we really are and quietly pray change me change me change me
am i descending or ascending is this praying or just doing my own thing cradling my heavy head in my tear stained palms i think this time it will be different my life will change my heart will finally be rearranged only to realize that even if my knees were nailed to the earth i stubbornly refuse to bend my will instead i choose to stand in shame is this my heart rising to our Father who art in heaven or am i running stumbling down into myself help me be free let my eyes see and may my ears listen to the sheer silence of your kindness open this heart mend my mind in love mercy and forgiveness i want to rise so help me bow down be still let go and listen to the sheer silence of your kindness
i don't know about you but there is so much i need to say goodbye to i'll welcome the endings practice some surrendering
it's hard to study all the expectations that are now a pile of eliminations i thought this or that would be the life i would have releasing longings into the fiery ending of this day i guess it will be okay
turns out being free is not about me trying to step aside God are you tired of hearing about my pride set is ablaze like the end of this day i'm tired of getting my way
love and hope sin and shadow peace and stillness heartache and sorrow is there a place deep in the marrow of my soul where all the counterpoint of being human is awakened restored and rises whole
saying goodbye to all that tethers me to this dirt i'd rather stiffen my neck than lift up my eyes stand on my own than fall to my knees search me and know my heart let all the parts of me that you see with grace and mercy
In my previous post I shared about an encounter with Richard along the banks of the Mississippi River in Savanna, IL. That post ended this way:
I make a commitment in my heart to do the best I can to welcome and connect to anyone that God brings my way. Because sometimes I fail to do so. Spectacularly so. That will be the topic of my next post.
What follows is “my next post.”
His eyes. I can still see his eyes. Those eyes carried all the disappointment and desperation in the world. When I rejected his simple request, his shoulders, his entire body, just sank… his body began to diminish under the weight of my rejection, as if he would simply deflate and end up a pile of broken, wounded flesh and bones still crying out for for assistance… acceptance… love… And those eyes… well… I can still see the impact of my rejection in his eyes. I think if he began crying, he Would. Never. Stop.
My wife and I just walked out of the store. I wasn’t in a rush to get anywhere, although, as an America in a culture that awards busyness and activity, my unspoken expectation is to be free of delay or interruption because I have to get nowhere in particular, and I have to get there quickly.
I don’t remember his exact words, but suddenly we turned around because we did hear a gentleman say something. It was one of those moments where my first inner response was, “Where did he come from?”
He was slowly walking towards us. He looked impossibly tired. He spoke softly… gently… but there seemed to be a great effort behind his tone. As if he were holding back the story of his life of pain, loss and suffering. He simply asked for some money to by some food.
He began to explain why he needed some help, but I interrupted him. I did not even give him the dignity of listening to his story. And I am a pastor who understands and has talked about the importance of listening, because listening is so close to being loved that most people can’t tell the difference.
“I’m sorry, we can’t right now.” That’s when he began to deflate. Then I turned and walked away.
We got in the car and my dear wife said, “We could have brought him into the store to get him some food.”
There is no excuse for my response. It reveals a coldness and pride that is ugly. I know better, but my problem is usually not about what I know. I have asked for forgiveness and mercy. I still need that today. And will need it tomorrow.
Kyrie eleison. Chiste eleison.
I move forward not wanting to be a better person. I move forward praying that I will display the mercy, grace, and love that I claim to be my faith.
standing still contemplating all the strategic decisions that brought me here ready to take a new step on the journey navigating this ocean of feelings the sadness just beneath the surface of it all how do we traverse the relational mines of this broken world no more pretending more unmasking what lies beneath the smiles and the tears so tired of defending time to stop protecting and submit to truth to words that may hurt but will heal the path to connection spend more time in reflection admitting all that’s wrong in me it’s so easy to live suppressing love and heartache stepping into releasing it all to Him embracing the journey inward not hiding what others see accepting all that is turning away from denying all that is the fog of reality is clearer that the seemingly serene shimmer of self-deception the crying is from the lying vulnerability is moving towards being free intimacy or distancing the choice is up to me to live in authenticity and humility is to break through the veneer of safety and i’m certain that certainty is not so certain after all faith requires the tension of a solid hope amidst the crazy of the now hate and willful ignorance are easy it’s love that is hard
opened my eyes some time at the gym took a look inside silence and stillness with Him and the eastern sky beckoned with colors and i don’t know why at times i want to hide and don’t want to discover i’d rather not uncover the true that’s in me
i need to confess these silhouettes that i present as real why do i fight why can it be so hard to walk towards the Light and be healed and stand in His grace i know shame goes away don't have to hide my face in the welcome of His mercy
shine oh please shine in me i do what’s old in me and don’t do from what i claim is new so please shine and let this new day remind my heart my soul my mind that you are with me you are beneath me before and behind me you are all around me i’ll take another step toward the light not by sight by faith i’ll wait because you are with me
do you see the beauty all around you a dazzling sunrise colors and clouds singing out loud abandoned joy dancing across the sky
are you stilled in wonder at the edge of forever as melodious crashing waves meet the coarse sand beneath your feet when the morning sky touches your soul and you do and don’t know why tears appear and for a moment it’s all okay
and when you say goodbye to another day are you at rest is there peace in your mind as the sun meets the sea are you free are you free to feel all your sorrows make space for your pain see the hope of tomorrow when colors and clouds will see unending days that chase all the shadows of your heart away and all the loose ends of your crazy life story will end in the glory of lux aeterna
so be still love well just take another step away from the shame eternity covers your soul breathe into your worth abandon the lies confess your wrongs step into every sad song and just be willing to make space for the Way the Truth the Life lux aeterna will come for you so be still and love well
i would like to shine bright as a sunny day and shimmer like a jacob collier song but i often find that old pride inside and i stumble and lose my way and it can go so wrong when the shame gets strong and i reach for a new identity no matter how i try i’m never free when i think i don’t need to be me
so i run back home to the lover of my soul it’s an uphill path the lies inside just laugh so i bring to my mind and heart the One who has kept me from the start
oh sing of the treasure of His love for me for you it shimmers and shines
His mercy shimmers and shines the Light of the world lives inside and He always shimmers and shines
eye wonder
if what i see
if there is more
than what eye see
of me
and you
interpretation
assumptions
stories
lies and truth
imaginations
distortions
chromatic
abberations
and sometimes
i choose to be blind
to you before me
for this is how
it should be
eye see you
before i see me
there are so
many filters
in my soul
many wilted
memories
monochromatic
melodies
i’m sorry
i just didn’t see
you there
the opaque pride
the veil inside
a sabotage
of my own
i want to see you
eyes on you
not eyes on me
living color
harmonies
i’m opening my eyes
to see
all the wonder
that is you
before
me
eye
see
you
rutakintome pictures 
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