together we are america

I cannot recall a time when I felt more proud and profoundly sad – to the point of weeping – at the same time.

My mother and father were not wanted in the white suburban neighborhood that was the cultural context of my home. I only found out as an adult that my parents experienced racism. In junior high and high school I was often called a “spic” and also experienced racism.

My parents and the beautiful, crazy, loving till it hurt, generous, loud, FUNNY, hard working, intelligent, beautiful Puerto Rican family that I was a part of was the song, dance, and light of my life. 

Dancing in the basement of my uncle’s house in the Bronx while LP’s spun Salsa music in the air are golden memories that I would love… just love to step into and experience once again… even if it was just 5 minutes to see what, as a boy, I could not fully comprehend: people filled with so much love and joy who were also familiar with heartache, tragedy, misery and pain.

And, if I could be there again… just for 5 minutes… I would embrace them all and thank them and praise them for all the goodness, kindness and love they gave to me. They certainly weren’t perfect… but they were present… to me, to each other, and they found solace and refuge in their culture. A culture that celebrates, rejoices, works so hard, laughs and loves. They understood that together we are family.

My mother and father are Americans who were born in Puerto Rico. In case you are not aware, Bad Bunny is also an American born in Puerto Rico. I am the first generation on my father’s side born in New York. I am also an American. I still remember the sadness in my mother’s eyes because she struggled to speak English. My mom and dad are the most American Americans that I will ever know. They never forgot who they were and the beauty and depth of the culture of La Isla del Encanto

For the past 2-3 weeks I have been listening to Bad Bunny’s Grammy Award winning album, Debí Tirar Más Fotos. The songs feel like the soundtrack of my life. I could not be more proud to be Puerto Rican.

I was told that we are “…one nation, under God, INDIVISIBLE with LIBERTY and JUSTICE for ALL.” We can only make that pledge with integrity if we make it our mission. We can only make that pledge with honesty if that is how we choose to live and love others, especially those from all the nations that make up our nation. It seems that our behavior and our chosen allegiances reveal a different pledge: “…a nation, under siege from within, with liberty and justice for some…”

When Bad Bunny ended his amazing performance with “Together We are America” and the parade of flags from Latin American nations I began to think of the nations that make up our nation. I see no reason not to celebrate and learn about the nations that make up our nation, because together we are America. I see no reason not to listen, empathize and give liberty and justice for those who are marginalized, forced to live in fear, or just trying to make their way because they struggle with English, because together we are America. I see no reason not to dance, sing and celebrate my heritage and culture in the land of the free(?) because together we are America.

Thank you, mom and dad, for loving well. Thank you for being brave, strong and true to who you are in the midst of racism and hatred. Thank you for making life not about those who hate, but about passing on your heritage and legacy of laughter and love.

One day, when God gives justice and all is made right, our nation’s flag and pledge will no longer matter. It will be irrelevant. All nations will surrender before the true King of Kings. All nations will bow before the majesty and splendor of the victorious Savior of the world. We can celebrate all nations now because the nations will be welcome in eternity. Not just one nation. All nations.

I did not see a temple in the city, because the Lord God Almighty and the Lamb are its temple. The city does not need the sun or the moon to shine on it, for the glory of God gives it light, and the Lamb is its lamp. The nations will walk by its light, and the kings of the earth will bring their splendor into it. On no day will its gates ever be shut, for there will be no night there. The glory and honor of the nations will be brought into it.
Revelation 21:22-26

i don’t recognize this place

we cry right to life
for every child
and then only silence
meets death in the streets
and how can we silence
the cries of motherless children
a father watches the world
watch his son murdered
and we plunge further
into fear and anger
this country is my home
but i feel like
i want to run away from home
what do i do with this groan
inside my chest
there is death
in the streets
human dignity meets
ice cold cruelty
and our leaders are silent
right left
all are bereft
of conscience or soul
no leader speaks out
against death in our streets
so everyone shouts
and rightly so
when elected criminals
accept criminals
to gun down
beat down
and drown
the best of us
you wear a mask
and you spread disease
carnage and hate
as freedom fades
please can’t you see
stop
wait
don’t you recognize
human dignity
liberty is killing
the free
there is death in the streets
O GOD
there is death
in
the
streets

every moment

every moment is in the past
every experience dissolves into a memory
as soon as a moment in time arrives
it retreats into yesterday
the crimson and deep blue sea colors of a sunrise
merge with a new day
and they quietly disappear
after loudly announcing the gift of a new day
a photograph tries to stretch the brevity of the moment

but it remains powerless to make the moment last
it only amplifies the memory
which in turn makes the moment more elusive
it only brings to our consciousness
that the moment has slipped away
and continues to slip away beyond our reach
it only represents the beauty and majesty of the Creator
and brings us face to face
with this mysterious transient thing that we call life
which i think is why an old stoic and wise man once said

It is better to go to a home where there is mourning than to one where there is a party, because the living should always remind themselves that death is waiting for us all.
Sorrow is better than laughter; it may sadden your face, but it sharpens your understanding. Someone who is always thinking about happiness is a fool. A wise person thinks about death. *

a bit dark

i suppose

but also true

pondering impermanence
stills our striving for things that do not last
heals our hearts of passions that never satisfy
pauses our pride in who we think we are

so i will welcome the loud colors
let the moments slip away
even as i too
am slipping away
following the crimson and deep blue colors
pondering the promises
of a heavenly voice

He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. **


* Ecclesiastes 7
** Revelation 21

moments slipping away

so yesterday
is now
yesteryear

and yesteryear
will soon be
remember when

and remember when
will  soon be
way back then

until it’s all
i just
can’t
recall

like trying to hold
the sands of the shore
moments slipping away
swallowed by tide and time
like jumping high
to swing from the clouds
only to fall
through the sky
i tried to keep
a moment or two

like a sunset
over a soybean field
or at the end of the road
or a monochrome lighthouse
showing the way
to giant icicles
on climbing day
or two little girls
on a summer swing
with nana in the middle
all is well
or a grand city
that rises and falls
while a grand old bridge
anchors it all
or our two sons
walking by the river
or coffee starlings
dancing in the air
safe from the wind farm
or the fire in the sky
above a river
flowing like time
through fields
and towns
and seasons
and lives
until it joins the
the moments
in the sea and sand
that still
are slipping through my hands

merry christmas

Dear WordPress family: wishing you all a joyful Holiday Season filled with light, love, and peace for you and yours.

if i could fly

if i were only able to walk
i would roam to the sea
to the top of the mountains
and to the deep forest trees
if i were only able to run
i would chase the sunset
win the race to the sunrise
run after all the colors of the skies
and if i could fly
well
if i could fly and soar i would explore
the world with the power of my wings
as i listened to the sky colors sing
never again to walk or run
i would fly with the sun
ascend to the stars
and oh the songs i would sing
as i fly and carry the moon on my wings

- inspired by a fellow blogger

slow motion mending

sometimes i need to find
the time and silence
to unwind these coils of lies
these shackles of shame
and the commotion in my soul
so i sit in slow motion
while i name each derision
and consciously make the decision
to breathe in the Light of the World
and exhale all these false tales
that shield my heart
from receiving
the love on the Cross
He is bleeding
for me
losing His life
to save my own
taking my sin
calling it His own
this Christmas child
a King has come
to reign through love
and set me free
from the insanity
of my own making
so like these winter trees
i’ll surrender the leaves
those colors were so nice
but it’s just a show so i’ll let them go
and die
to what i think i know will set me free
and stay here in the mystery
of winter’s necessary death
it won’t last long
so with each breath
i’ll wait and sing a song
to the Christmas King
as He works in my soul
and rights all wrongs
He is my healer
my story writer
and life giver
i’ll wait
while He does
some slow motion mending
old things must have an ending
to make room for the new

i wonder

i wonder what she’s praying for
she’s pleading for
she’s kneeling for
i wonder what this child of God
is asking of her Lord

perhaps for peace inside her soul
and in this world
and in this world
perhaps for peace inside your soul
won’t you plead with her now

perhaps for love inside her soul
and in your heart
and in your heart
perhaps for love inside her soul
won’t you plead with her now

i wonder what she’s praying for
she’s pleading for
she’s kneeling for
i wonder what this child of God
is asking of her Lord

perhaps for rest from all her pain
from all her pain
from all her pain
perhaps for rest for you and me
from all the pain we feel

perhaps for pardon from her sins
from her sins
from her sins
perhaps for pardon for your sins
won’t you implore with her now

i wonder what she’s praying for
she’s pleading for
she’s kneeling for
i wonder what this child of God
is asking of her Lord

i wonder if we all could kneel
we all could kneel
we all could kneel
i wonder if we all could kneel
and join her right now
cry out with her now
be humble with her now
be a child of God
right now

you

when was the last time
you walked across
the noise in your life
and journeyed
into the depth of you

when was the last time
you just were still
and present to your soul
your longing
your sorrow
your joy
your hope
your anxiety
your darkness

when was the last time
you closed your eyes
and settled into your spirit
named the pain
let the tears carry away the sorrow

when was the last time
you heard your voice
when it tore down another soul
did it leave you broken
did it stab your heart

when was the last time
you surrendered
you admitted your limits
faced your shadows
let pride fall away in humility

when was the last time
you said
thank you
i love you
i was wrong
please forgive me
i need help

when was the last time
you leaned into your ordinariness
you opened your heart
to your strengths and weaknesses
you listened to feedback
you didn’t defend yourself

when was the last time
you were you
not as you think you are
but listened to others
and how they experience
you

you are an ocean
a vast sea of dreams
of loss
laughter
weeping
of love
fear
perseverance
sin
of cowardice
strength
power
kindness
of impotence
clarity
valor
uncertainty
and so much more

you
are
human
created by God
loved by God
seek Him
rest in Him
receive His love
live in His grace
receive His forgiveness
be alive
in Him
He knows full well
you
are
human

a starling moment

so let’s talk of
autumn mornings
falling into my consciousness 
sunny skies
shaking off the
midnight rain
while coffee murmurations
dance in my eyes
and i come into focus
crawling out of my dreams
stumbling towards awareness
senses trying to make
sense of the blue painted sky
and those tiny beads of coffee
are they escaping
the scalding dark amber sea
or just singing to
the Creator’s design
the indescribable
unmistakable aroma
is fresh and new
and tells old stories
it is a starling moment
and i don’t really know
what to make of it
so
i make my escape
with the coffee beads
and enjoy
the view