Tag: honesty

you

when was the last time
you walked across
the noise in your life
and journeyed
into the depth of you

when was the last time
you just were still
and present to your soul
your longing
your sorrow
your joy
your hope
your anxiety
your darkness

when was the last time
you closed your eyes
and settled into your spirit
named the pain
let the tears carry away the sorrow

when was the last time
you heard your voice
when it tore down another soul
did it leave you broken
did it stab your heart

when was the last time
you surrendered
you admitted your limits
faced your shadows
let pride fall away in humility

when was the last time
you said
thank you
i love you
i was wrong
please forgive me
i need help

when was the last time
you leaned into your ordinariness
you opened your heart
to your strengths and weaknesses
you listened to feedback
you didn’t defend yourself

when was the last time
you were you
not as you think you are
but listened to others
and how they experience
you

you are an ocean
a vast sea of dreams
of loss
laughter
weeping
of love
fear
perseverance
sin
of cowardice
strength
power
kindness
of impotence
clarity
valor
uncertainty
and so much more

you
are
human
created by God
loved by God
seek Him
rest in Him
receive His love
live in His grace
receive His forgiveness
be alive
in Him
He knows full well
you
are
human

good-bye hello

say good-bye
to the veneer covering your soul
to shallow shadow living
say hello to all you are
those parts of you
kept tidy and tucked away
integrate your shiny self
with your darkness too

say good-bye
to not knowing
you
to not reflecting
to not pondering
how those you love
experience
you
say hello
to living inside out
be present to yourself
listen
listen
listen
as others share
what they see
who they see
what they feel

say good-bye
to running here and there
to getting it all done
to being okay with the frazzle
breaking your mind
feeding your anxiety
say hello to stillness
to stopping
ceasing
waiting
to closing your eyes
just breathing
say good-bye
to pretending
you’re doing fine
the pain in your body
is telling a different story
all that scrolling
diminishes you
watching another series
living other’s lives
just won’t do
say hello
to being real
to crying
to sobbing
to lamenting
the hard stories
that live in you
must be told

say good-bye
to your own strength
intellect
will
gifts
determination
you’re such a success
but kind of a mess
say hello
to faith
to trust
you did not make yourself
He created you
every moment is written
His thoughts about you
are precious

a prayer for self-awareness

open my eyes
and let me see
the impact of me
in the eyes
of those
i say i love
in the face
of the stranger
in the heart of my friends
help me see
my flaws
help me
see my brokenness
help me see
the fractures
and inconsistencies
in me
that i so readily ignore
but call out in others

dear God
may the tone
of my words
carry grace
acceptance
and peace
let my heart be open
to know when to engage
and when to disengage
always with kindness
and gentleness
and help me love
with listening
help me love
with understanding
help me love
with an other-centered spirit
help me
to
love
as you reveal
me
to
me

connection

standing still
contemplating all
the strategic decisions
that brought me here
ready to take a new step
on the journey
navigating
this ocean of feelings
the sadness
just beneath
the surface of it all
how do we traverse
the relational mines
of this broken world
no more pretending
more unmasking
what lies beneath
the smiles
and the tears
so tired of defending
time to stop protecting
and submit to truth
to words that may hurt
but will heal
the path to connection
spend more time in reflection
admitting all that’s wrong
in me
it’s so easy to live
suppressing
love and heartache
stepping into releasing
it all to Him
embracing the journey inward
not hiding what others see
accepting all that is
turning away
from denying all that is
the fog of reality
is clearer
that the seemingly
serene shimmer of self-deception
the crying
is from the lying
vulnerability is moving
towards being free
intimacy or distancing
the choice is up to me
to live in authenticity
and humility
is to break through
the veneer of safety
and i’m certain
that certainty
is not so certain after all
faith requires
the tension
of a solid hope
amidst the crazy
of the now
hate and
willful ignorance
are easy
it’s love
that is
hard

Kyrie eleison
Christe eleison

sometimes i wonder

sometimes i wonder
where it all came apart
where the promises and love songs
withered and sighed
the radio station
otherwise known as our lives
just plays static
the noise of our brokenness
the crackle of our selfishness

sometimes i wonder
where all that love went to hide
where the feelings and tryings
the caring that was dying
before our once hope filled eyes
is that love buried
beneath the winter of our self-protection
will there ever be a springtime of affections
sunshine to melt the hardness
to take back all the words
that tore apart the fragile fabric
otherwise known as our lives
do shreds of tenderness remain
i see tattered threads of holding hands
i think i can make out a long lost embrace

sometimes i wonder
if all these thoughts colliding in my mind
can make sense of anything at all
why did i say that
why didn’t i tell you
why did i hide
why didn’t i leave you alone
why did i remain silent
why did i scream
i have so much on repeat in my head
longing to find that clue
that tiny missed detail
to unlock the best of us

i love you
i said it
but you saw through
all i insisted was true
and i couldn't carry the weight
of what it meant to be we
us
together
our true selves
as one
in the story otherwise known as our lives

latte la dee da day

it’s time start
another latte
la dee da day
man the traffic
is insane today
well
like every other day
routine kicks in
meetings
where no one
really meets
a zoom here
a zoom there
a formica connection
can look so nice
a cladding smile
hope they don’t see
my empty eyes
what does it say
when the best part
of this day
is traffic
on the way
home to my
netflix series
or was it hulu
what’s a lonely soul
to do
there’s a war somewhere
everybody’s yelling
but no one’s really saying
anything
that sounds like truth
or has some roots
that sink deep in my heart
so i lift up my eyes
and through the tears
i cry why
why did i say it that way
why did they make fun of me
why does the sadness stay
why God
do you sometimes
feel so far away
you see i’m in the boat
the horizon is gone
and the storms
rage within
and all around
so wake up Lord
wake up
i don’t know
what to do
but i know
you
are
here
in my messy today
in my messy yesterday
oh won’t you
wake up
my soul
because
i see the Tree
You there for me
i’ll linger here
and sing a song
to You
the melody
may be sad
but for now
it’s all i have
so it’s Yours
and
i
am
too