like a black sea stretching out before me all this mystery of what is yet to be all that i cannot see
like a black sky slowly descending over me telling shadow stories all i cannot hide a dark gray canopy made up of all my whys
oh Lord and Light guide me on my way help me navigate this story through the night waiting for the day longing for all made right for the unseen real to replace what all the senses feel
like a dark wave swallowing up my soul all the doubt and shame why must it be this way growing old is growing close to a different shore to so much more than the sum of my failures or anything labeled a success it’s all just a mess
oh Lord and Light i’m grateful that you gave me sight for this mess that i call my life for you carried me you saw me you ransomed me so i’ll follow you i’ll turn to you surrender to you and let you tell me who i am for you are love and far above this darkened sky and far below this blackened sea your glory and light your power and might the Lord and Light is with me in me all around me
sometimes i wonder where it all came apart where the promises and love songs withered and sighed the radio station otherwise known as our lives just plays static the noise of our brokenness the crackle of our selfishness
sometimes i wonder where all that love went to hide where the feelings and tryings the caring that was dying before our once hope filled eyes is that love buried beneath the winter of our self-protection will there ever be a springtime of affections sunshine to melt the hardness to take back all the words that tore apart the fragile fabric otherwise known as our lives do shreds of tenderness remain i see tattered threads of holding hands i think i can make out a long lost embrace
sometimes i wonder if all these thoughts colliding in my mind can make sense of anything at all why did i say that why didn’t i tell you why did i hide why didn’t i leave you alone why did i remain silent why did i scream i have so much on repeat in my head longing to find that clue that tiny missed detail to unlock the best of us
i love you i said it but you saw through all i insisted was true and i couldn't carry the weight of what it meant to be we us together our true selves as one in the story otherwise known as our lives
a frosty cold dawn a gray featureless sky feels just like me today there’s a frozen mist sprinkled on the ground it’s a monochrome morning a colorless song that sounds like me today so i guess i’ll take the Christmas tree down
Christmas carols echo in my living room the grandkids laughing wrapping paper tearing meals we were just sharing are now memories and there’s something sad in me at the end of 2023 so i guess i’ll take the Christmas tree down
a quiet end of the season a gentle closing of the year and for no particular reason a tear appears and it’s okay the past three sixty-five well… let’s just say it can be hard to be alive there have been days of good cheer sorrow and struggle too said a final good-bye to mom and then there are the fractures in the family feeling all the anxiety and those whispers of failure just rise amidst an endless ostinato of whys so i guess i’ll take the Christmas tree down
a plastic stained glass window with a little boy in prayer amber crystal beads a shiny red ball from Macy’s a tiny wooden christmas tree a three story ceramic house a quiet Christmas mouse glimmering shimmering sparkling dazzling all are put to rest almost done there’s just one the last ornament
it’s a smiling angel holding a star with colored gems for wings so there i stand with this angel in my hand i can almost hear it sing a song of grace a melody of peace a smiling angel in my hand helps me know i’m in His hand so i hum a tune i can’t remember which one but i remember the fractures and failures are held in His hand too all our fractures all our failures so grateful He holds them grateful He knows them thanks for listening i’m done taking the Christmas tree down
this Christmas may your soul shine as you take time to reflect on God above and love your family and see your story is from His hand of love
for you are here and His Light is near so lay those burdens down this tiny Child is here for you so put away the frowns and rest in His light rest in His peace rest in His joy may you be free and not anxious for you are precious for you are here and His Light is near for you are loved from above He came to be with you
maybe it’s because the way things are i’m longing for what used to be maybe it’s because what used to be is why the way things are
maybe it’s because i’m remembering a world that was gentle and true maybe it’s because what’s gentle and true was forsaken and broken back then too
maybe it’s because we’re lost wandering souls that it seems faith is gone hope and love sailed away maybe it’s because we’ve wandered so far the light seems so dim we don’t know who we are
maybe we can turn and swim upstream awaken and see the Way maybe we can hear the Truth with our ears and Life can return to our poor restless souls let’s surrender right now all we think we know and find His rest and peace for only if we lose our lives in His love and light only then can we rise
pray with me that we will see the world we carry inside mended and healed by the Way the Truth the Life
i don’t think
i would mind
getting lost beneath
a gold and yellow sky
watch the crimson
snow leaves
gently settle
at my feet
smell the pine soaked
breeze
be as still
as the trees
as they surrender
their beauty
and let go of their
color laden leaves
i lift up my eyes
i wonder if my
prayers can soar up high
to reach your ears
oh God
are you near
we’re really lost
have you given
thought
to our broken
hearts
we really
could use
a new start
i surrender
the beauty
i think i possess
let winter
come
and clean my soul
no more pretense
i’ll wait with the trees
in silence
and cold
welcome this season
of dying
less trying
of seeing
and being
i’m lifting my hands
God please
bring us your aid
don’t want to be afraid
as i walk
this painted path
there is beauty
when we fall
upon your Light
and stop
and wait
and listen
in faith
and stop
and wait
and listen
in faith
introspection
time
space
grieving
open
illumination
notice
grace
tears
observing
belief
eternity
aware
light
love
reflection
insight
gravity
healing
time
its
going
to
be
all
right
in
His
light
and
love
all
wrongs
made
right
mercy
justice
alight
the
soul
as
we
sing
songs
through
an
endless
sunrise
we people are a funny mix
don’t you think
or
at least i am
anyway
sometimes
the sun is shining
smiles and laughs
no room for whining
like i want to photograph
every moment
capture
the rapturous mood
i’m in
and
at
the
same
time
no
really
at the same time
rain pours down
all around this town
of memories that sprouts
like massive trees
in a forest of lies
and shame
and why’s
and pain
and ties to the past
that seem to last
like a long sad song
so
i
pray
break through
in rays of hope and light
dear Lord
help me regain my sight
and “though the wrong
seems often so strong”
You will make all things right
‘cause You’re writing a story
full of downpours and clouds
writing a story
of songs sung out loud
of Your love and Your glory
of the way that you carry
this tale called my life
in Your everlasting arms
i am choosing to rest
to stop and embrace
the things i don't see
to silently wait
to just.... be
and see you
breakthrough
all the rainy
and cloudy in me
breakthrough
and one day
make
all
things
new
i want to settle
like the setting sun
all the crazy
as i run
through the tears
and disorientation
from the madness
of meditation
on the losses
and the misses
the noises of confusion
settle like the setting sun
into color
and calm
the balm of a song
that reminds me
that though there is wrong
in me and in you
that redemption is true
that beauty resides
in the heart
of life in Christ
for He suffered
He cried
He was angry
and He died
He lamented
and prayed
take this cup away
so sadness
and heartache
anxiety
is a thing
we can bring
to His Cross
to His care
to His suffering
settle
oh my soul
settle
in the stillness
of the Light
of His love
the color
of His grace
the glory
of His kindness
the promise
of a better place
where tears
will never fall again
light will never set
and never end
settle
oh my soul
settle
feel it all
and settle
your Savior knows
He sees
He feels
so don’t push
the mess of life away
let it remind you
a better day
awaits
walk by faith
not by sight
it’s going to be
all right
settle
oh
my
soul
a little older
but none the wiser
at least it feels that way
saying goodbye to this day
i see the light slip away
like the fading memories
that fill my mind
so many
would have
could have
should have moments
that i can’t reach
but they reach me
they teach me
to walk
with heaven in view
it’s okay to be
somewhat new
tired of all the blame
at the end of the shame game
open my eyes to see
the new
you’ve place
in me
so i can rise
above the gravity
and rest
in stillness
the silence
of deliverance
the calming
resonance
of your presence
eternity in me
there is Truth
that doesn’t fade away
a Light
that glows bright
through the day
and through the night
healing
mending
making all things right
like they were meant to be
weightless melodies
singing endless songs
free to sing along
redeemed from all that's wrong
you see i’m finding life
is letting go
of all the why
and it’s okay
to cry
to mourn
to feel
every lament
so i can fly
towards the light
not just a leap of faith
it’s accepting grace
and shining bright
swimming in
eternal light
finding the story
of me
in the Way
the Truth
the Life
rutakintome pictures 
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