i’m trying to let go sometimes surrendering doesn’t fit all the shoulds i’m chasing
you see i have this life equation that should equal the sum total of all my expectations of how it all should unfold and then i see it unravel everywhere and nowhere i want to be
i’m trying to let go after all we will all one day let go of everything so why do i try to hang on to so much
like my pride why didn’t you take my side i can only see the me side of you
like still holding onto my right and i’m right and you’re not i can’t see how dark and confusing i make it for you
like when i hold onto my disengaged attitude pushing you away silencing your voice you’re not real you don’t really know what you feel so let me tell you
like when i hold onto my fear i don’t think you’ll stay here if you see the real in me
God help me to let go and to know that even when i fall that i am descending into freedom decreasing into the fullness of who you made me to be
i haven’t thought this all the way through but i thought i’d share it with you i’ll start with a question or two do you see beauty around you do you see beauty within
colors and clouds shout out loud the sky canvas telling us connecting us to deeper fairer things do you see do you see
the beauty within you are an image bearer you are the only you but let’s set pride aside perfection does not reside inside His favor abides you are His child His creation
do you see beauty around you beauty within we are all a glorious ruin we are lost but we can see blind but we can be found do you see do you see
what will happen
if i let go
stop pretending
i have this
under control
what would happen
if i released
and ceased
from all this
striving
and trying
to make it
all go away
what if
i choose to stay
in the waiting
in the long
and unknown space
called faith
if i fall
will i just
be absorbed
into the fear
and sadness below
or will
He catch me
enfold me
come alongside
and
hold me
still
it feels so safe
right here
i’ve got something
i can do
clinging to
my stubborn pride
not falling
seems
like a good use of time
but He wants
to continue
to write
this story
called
my life
so
i
let
go
and
then………
hope bears the longing
of returning to the home
we’ve never seen
for deep within our hearts
eternity cries
and we see without eyes
our true identity
in Light
in Peace
in endless days
love beyond imagining
like a seed set in our soul
eternity calls us to let go
of little things
where the darkness grows
and desires too small
to carry the weight
of all our sorrow
rise and cause us to fall
we really must die
to the wrong inside
things we see
and all we hide
and live in the unseen
for this world
is not our home
the seed inside
cannot thrive
in the midst of pride
surrendering
we cry
and pray
heal us
break us
shape us
and
lead
us
home
i would like to shine bright as a sunny day and shimmer like a jacob collier song but i often find that old pride inside and i stumble and lose my way and it can go so wrong when the shame gets strong and i reach for a new identity no matter how i try i’m never free when i think i don’t need to be me
so i run back home to the lover of my soul it’s an uphill path the lies inside just laugh so i bring to my mind and heart the One who has kept me from the start
oh sing of the treasure of His love for me for you it shimmers and shines
His mercy shimmers and shines the Light of the world lives inside and He always shimmers and shines
eye wonder
if what i see
if there is more
than what eye see
of me
and you
interpretation
assumptions
stories
lies and truth
imaginations
distortions
chromatic
abberations
and sometimes
i choose to be blind
to you before me
for this is how
it should be
eye see you
before i see me
there are so
many filters
in my soul
many wilted
memories
monochromatic
melodies
i’m sorry
i just didn’t see
you there
the opaque pride
the veil inside
a sabotage
of my own
i want to see you
eyes on you
not eyes on me
living color
harmonies
i’m opening my eyes
to see
all the wonder
that is you
before
me
eye
see
you
what do i see
when i see me
let's see
i suppose i see
what i want to see
and at times i see
what i long to be
at times
i'm such a selfie
self is proud
and can be
so loud
i can push away
by the words i say
those i say i love
why am i that way
if my attitude
or my words hurt you
please forgive me
i hope you can see
a way
to forgive me
i suppose i need
to see through eyes
that are not mine
but belong to the One
who makes me whole
and sees all that makes
me
me
and when i'm known
by the One who knows
all that's inside
i can decide
that i won't hide
anymore
Lord help me see
my wife
and kids
the family
my friends
my neighbor too
and say no to self
and live to serve
Lord help me let go
of me
and be free
to love
to give
to be alive
to others
and die
to
me
and
be
free
and can it be
you came for me
a withered soul
so tired so cold
and can it be
surrendered glory
for this heart of pride
all the shame inside
o withered soul
lift up your voice
o withered soul
cry out rejoice
your light has come
your peace is near
Immanuel is here
and can it be
once blind i see
forgiven free
You died for me
and can it be
new life is mine
and for all time
not just a while
i'll sing and shine
i am your child
this withered soul
now your son
your own
and can
it
be
gentle words are a tree of life* is there gentleness in your heart today kindness in your soul meekness in the tones of your voice
what impact do we have on others do we justify the very attitude in us that we condemn in others do we demonstrate the very hate we call out in others gentle words are a tree of life
are we willing to love before we declare how right we are do we see our blindness as we call out for justice and judgement all the while marginalizing diminishing tearing down feeling so good all because we possess unquestionable wisdom gentle words are a tree of life
and pride will be our ruin each of us deceived holding out our torch of truth for others beckoning the world to listen and follow content with the darkness inside our hearts gentle words are a tree of life
Isn’t she a delight? Her eyes, her smile, and obvious joy! I don’t know her name, but I saw her at the annual Grundy County Corn Festival Parade, and she stole my heart 🙂
rutakintome pictures 
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