I AM
awaken
arise
be still
settle
listen
inhale
confess
receive
notice
I AM
I AM
witness
believe
understand
surrender
let go
love
live
exhale
release
give
I AM
I AM
ponder
accept
reality
engage
weep
truth
heart
days
months
years
time
eternal
trust
I AM
standing still
contemplating all
the strategic decisions
that brought me here
ready to take a new step
on the journey
navigating
this ocean of feelings
the sadness
just beneath
the surface of it all
how do we traverse
the relational mines
of this broken world
no more pretending
more unmasking
what lies beneath
the smiles
and the tears
so tired of defending
time to stop protecting
and submit to truth
to words that may hurt
but will heal
the path to connection
spend more time in reflection
admitting all that’s wrong
in me
it’s so easy to live
suppressing
love and heartache
stepping into releasing
it all to Him
embracing the journey inward
not hiding what others see
accepting all that is
turning away
from denying all that is
the fog of reality
is clearer
that the seemingly
serene shimmer of self-deception
the crying
is from the lying
vulnerability is moving
towards being free
intimacy or distancing
the choice is up to me
to live in authenticity
and humility
is to break through
the veneer of safety
and i’m certain
that certainty
is not so certain after all
faith requires
the tension
of a solid hope
amidst the crazy
of the now
hate and
willful ignorance
are easy
it’s love
that is
hard
Kyrie eleison
Christe eleison
still on the journey
through achromatic beauty
everything is okay
no
really
it is
well
sort of
i can’t make sense of a anything
everything will be okay
at least i hope it will
but there is the now
the inbetween
the stumbling
not quite sure
which way to turn
i recognize
this strange
space of uncertainty
and stillness
and i cry
fast forwarding
isn’t fun
i cry
feels like
a lonely drowning
i cry
a jumbled pile
of grief and loss
wading through
shattered hope
and i cry
God
help me to accept
the immovable
reality of now
and rest
inhale
exhale
rest
i
cry
a fleeting embrace ending with one last glance one last wave as you step through security with no one to help you with your insecurity
ushered into
a waiting room
after transferring a kiss
from you hand
to her forehead
overwhelming outcomes
swirl in your mind
a quiet prayer
folded hands
shoulders
crushed beneath
sorrow and pain
rest
gently rest
i’ll see you
again
a collection
of expectations
neatly organized
as you donate them
to the upside down reality
that is also your lament
younger days
when smiles
were abundant
surrender to
deep steel eyes
aged by the weight
of all that you must release
all that you thought
was the melody of your journey
memories
that just fade
and others
that won’t go away
songs that remain
falling into the echoes
of time and reminiscence
of sad joy
and mournful gratitude
sunsets loudly
dazzle your soul
swallowed by night
colors overtaken
by unstoppable darkness
still
i welcome
every hello
every greeting
every start
every beginning
every hope
every hug
every grace
every possibility
every giggle
every sunset
every sunrise
while holding
all the goodbyes
and i’m glad
so
immeasurably
glad
i
am
with
you
sing a canticle with me
a little music
a melody
to try and defy
all this gravity
that will soon
silence the tune
of my life
and i’ll be done
with all this strife
when you press a key
a silent symphony
will rise
and the veil
will be removed
from my eyes
oh to be free
and be at rest
one day
when this instrument
has seen it’s years
all will be new
no more tears
its true
so sing out loud
i was lost
now i’m found
and peace will be
my everyday
i’ll let go
of all that i can see
i will be free
dismantled
and transformed
in the endless Light
i’ll join the endless song
and all my days
will be a canticle of praise
will you come with me
what do you see
in the eternity
He has placed inside
let go of pride
and sing a canticle with me
a little music
a melody
let’s defy
all this gravity
so what’s up
cloudy winter day
what have you got to say
you remind me of me today
a little chill
a little gray
the blues are above you
somewhere high in the sky
like the blues
down inside me
where i’m tired
and i don’t want to try
to pretend anymore
that it’s sunny
act like it’s all okay
cloudy morning
i hear what you’re trying
to say
wait
weep
stay
don’t keep
it together
just be
feel
don’t try
to weather the weather
rest
pray
chill
gray
stay
connected
to
your
Creator
on this
cloudy
winter
day
it’s time start another latte la dee da day man the traffic is insane today well like every other day routine kicks in meetings where no one really meets a zoom here a zoom there a formica connection can look so nice a cladding smile hope they don’t see my empty eyes what does it say when the best part of this day is traffic on the way home to my netflix series or was it hulu what’s a lonely soul to do there’s a war somewhere everybody’s yelling but no one’s really saying anything that sounds like truth or has some roots that sink deep in my heart so i lift up my eyes and through the tears i cry why why did i say it that way why did they make fun of me why does the sadness stay why God do you sometimes feel so far away you see i’m in the boat the horizon is gone and the storms rage within and all around so wake up Lord wake up i don’t know what to do but i know you are here in my messy today in my messy yesterday oh won’t you wake up my soul because i see the Tree You there for me i’ll linger here and sing a song to You the melody may be sad but for now it’s all i have so it’s Yours and i am too
so can we talk about clouds today it seems they took the sun away and i’m in my overcast life there’s something different about this light so can we talk about clouds today my head tells me that it’s okay the Light is here and not far away but it just doesn’t feel that way cause in those cloudy skies i think i see some dreams that cry and dense dark memories why did i say those things or why didn’t i say anything at all i wish those clouds would fall in rain and storms of healing let it rain let it rain so can we talk about clouds today i suppose if they never came i might lose the love of Light and forget that those clouds do give me sight i see you and me and the story that only can be told if there are clouds so dreary is not the end you’ll see i choose to sing to sing out loud so hello clouds
rutakintome pictures 
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