standing still contemplating all the strategic decisions that brought me here ready to take a new step on the journey navigating this ocean of feelings the sadness just beneath the surface of it all how do we traverse the relational mines of this broken world no more pretending more unmasking what lies beneath the smiles and the tears so tired of defending time to stop protecting and submit to truth to words that may hurt but will heal the path to connection spend more time in reflection admitting all that’s wrong in me it’s so easy to live suppressing love and heartache stepping into releasing it all to Him embracing the journey inward not hiding what others see accepting all that is turning away from denying all that is the fog of reality is clearer that the seemingly serene shimmer of self-deception the crying is from the lying vulnerability is moving towards being free intimacy or distancing the choice is up to me to live in authenticity and humility is to break through the veneer of safety and i’m certain that certainty is not so certain after all faith requires the tension of a solid hope amidst the crazy of the now hate and willful ignorance are easy it’s love that is hard
a slow meandering upon the ancient sands the sea reminding me how small i truly am and that’s totally okay
much more behind me than before me a few less steps remain the waves will sing long after my last breath
sometimes i just want to stop and join the clouds and sea just melt into the horizonless dance and stay listen and pray it can all feel so weary
still i journey on back to go forward reaching into the ocean of stories looking for that perfect shell listening for all is well remembering the glory still to come
yesterdays just fly away even memories are fading is anyone staying we are alone ever together with our life and with others we are alone
every now and then a little boy walks into the room he was already here he has never left i just acknowledge his presence
he sits and listens i share memories questions doubts fears longings words of comfort and remorse
i sit and listen as he shares stories wishes sorrows giggles secrets tears attempts to speak all that was real
our meeting is as a key to a lock slowly arranging tumblers a click or two closer to opening a box filled with light opening a chamber of forgiveness opening a door that has been tightly shut for too long diminishing the shadows and obscurity of what it means to be
sometimes we just gaze into each other and see our soul our converging wanderings and there is calm peace between us inside us not because all the mysteries were explained more because across our times we met found solace and remembered who we are who we are not what to grasp and what to set free
your grandchild’s giggle a warm smile from a stranger an embrace from the one you love you just want some things to last
a walk beside the sea the scent of falling leaves a comforting glance for your sorrow you just want some things not to go too fast
a melody that makes you cry someone saying i forgive you sweet vienna fingers with some coffee you just want some things to not slip into the past
a frigid cold morning sky whose design and colors takes your breath away couldn't think of a better way to start and end a day than losing myself in the beauty swimming in the artistry trying to take the whole sky in my arms you just want some things to stay you want some things to never go away coffee vienna fingers embracing the whole sky i just want some things to stay maybe never have to say goodbye
would like to see a few things stay
the untroubled giggles of a child
a sunset that kaleidoscopes for hours
an embrace that fills my heart with peace
a haunting melody that sinks into my soul
and reminds me that there is love
would like to see a few things stay
the knowing when our eyes connect
the crashing waves and their rhythmic balm
the birdsong soaring through the sad sky
colors leaping from a flower
spilling on my heavy brow
reminding me that there is life
would like to see a few things stay
a tree that shades me from all harm
a crystal river of understanding
shadows stretching through deep green woods
the Light that helps me see the Way
a hand to hold that guides through the pain
reminding me that someone’s there
to share a lonely road
oh stay with me
lover of my soul
let me see
the calm before
i lose myself
nowhere to go
the words of life
spoken long ago
an anchor for
an old old soul
reminding me
that You are here
in the mess
in my tears
reminding me
that
You
are
rest
hello sunrise
it’s so nice to find
you here
you’ve been on my mind
it feels like
such a long long time
and i’m kinda down
can you stay a while
and listen to this song
it’s not like everything’s wrong
but some dreams are gone
some tears are here to stay
a little older now
how will i find my way
the world is spinning too fast
looking for things that last
i am learning how
they can only be found
in the slowing down
and holy wondering
speaking less
much more silence
reflection
connection
surrender
and union
with my Maker
hello sunrise
such a nice surprise
sing along with me
i’m choosing to be free
detached to all
that pulls me down
standing tall
on my knees
please
Light of the world
oh please
help
me
see
another morning at the gym
felt good to get the workout in
good to move and feel alive
but then again
there's the stuff inside
this heart of mine
that needs to be revived
to beauty
wonder
peace be still
quiet surrender
and some delight
and some letting go
of my will
i really could use the shore
but who really needs the shore
i take that back
i guess i do
but having said that
i looked for
morning treasures
and this is
what
i
found
i found
a joy to the world star
shining in my garage
and tons of diamonds
in my backyard
it seems that
someone spilled
a bunch of green
and i don't really care
it's new life
it's spring
the winter has passed
the hollow spaces
between all branches
like the hollow caverns in my soul
will be filled with green
and red
and white
and iris purple life
and also
i happened to find
harry's pianese snitch
does that mean i win
i'm thinking yes
and then i saw
black diamonds
on the rear window
of the sedan
they're glistening
as they reflect
the light
i'm listening
and in my heart
all seems right
as i treasure
these delights
i'm open
to
the
Way
the
Truth
the
Life
hey december
where did you go
did you take
the mistletoe
and what happened
to the eyes all aglow
light and trees
christmas melodies
how quiet
it all seems
well
christmas is only
356 days away
until then
i’ll choose to stay
in the silence
of winter’s embrace
i’ll welcome the stillness
and ponder the grace
that fills my heart
in the quiet start
of this new year
i choose to hear
the voice
of my Father in heaven
the grace
of His presence
the love
of His Son
hey december
it was fun
but living this life
is a serious thing
so i will sing
of His light in me
and remember
i can take december
and bring good cheer
to family near
and friends so far
dear God
thank you
dear God
thank you
for memories
of christmas melodies
and for right now
this day
this moment
for your presence
thank you
God
The sun doing some painting over the Illinois River in Morris, IL. This may be my last post for a week or so. I will be in Haiti this week on a missions trip and will enjoy sunrises there! We will be ministering to widows and orphans with a team of talented high school students and adults. Until we “meet” again, have a wonderful week!
rutakintome pictures 
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