and rise

new life
still all this strife
new opportunity
same entropy
new start
still in bed
new attitude
still no gratitude
new insights
still trying to fight
new word
still not listening
new day
same old ways
new light
still seeking shadows
new colors
same monochromatic soul
new gifts
same folded arms
for you
on this day
right now
new grace
boundless love
endless mercy
a Cross to bear
with an everlasting Companion
unmerited forgiveness
an endless sunrise
can be yours
receive
be centered
through surrender
be free
through confession
be at rest
through acceptance
come home
it is finished
lay down your shame
take up your hope
lift up your head
receive your identity
and rise

tension

the tension between
my past and my present

the tension between
making earthbound choices
and setting my heart on things above

the tension between
reputation protection
and other-centered living

the tension between
my anger and grace

the tension between
forgiveness and revenge

the tension between
my faith
and loss
and pain
and my restless soul

the tension between
being an image bearer
and my shame

the tension between
my title and my actions

the tension between
crossing the bridge
and playing it safe

the tension between
myself
and myself

the tension between
the darkness and the light
inside this heart of mine
i fall
i soar
take flight
only to stumble
and cry for healing
and why is it feeling
like nothing makes sense
at least sometimes
nothing makes sense
for there is a time
for everything
under this radiant sun
time to take a step of faith
He is not done
i’m not at home
so
sometimes
it doesn’t make
sense

oh Lord and Light

like a black sea
stretching out before me
all this mystery
of what is yet to be
all that i cannot see

like a black sky
slowly descending over me
telling shadow stories
all i cannot hide
a dark gray canopy
made up of all my whys

oh Lord and Light
guide me on my way
help me navigate
this story through the night
waiting for the day
longing for all made right
for the unseen real
to replace
what all the senses feel

like a dark wave
swallowing up my soul
all the doubt and shame
why must it
be this way
growing old
is growing close
to a different shore
to so much more
than the sum of my failures
or anything labeled
a success
it’s all just a mess

oh Lord and Light
i’m grateful
that you gave me sight
for this mess
that i call my life
for you carried me
you saw me
you ransomed me
so i’ll follow you
i’ll turn to you
surrender to you
and let you tell me who i am
for you are love
and far above this darkened sky
and far below this blackened sea
your glory and light
your power and might
the Lord and Light
is with me
in me
all around me

the Lord and Light
is with me
in me
all around me

hush your soul

remember life
is a delicate
fragile beauty
trying to rest
in the turmoil
of this world

life
a momentary story
carrying eternity inside
longing for home
love
and time
in so many ways
we are the same
carrying our shame
we fight to be seen
never winning
always shouting
leaving delicate souls
broken
sometimes shattered
all around us

evil is all about
because it is within
our tortuous souls

so we take
we tear down
we abuse
we hollow out
our neighbor's heart
we insist on being right
when we need to
tenderly explore
the souls
that God has given us
souls reflecting glory
from above
He gave them to us
to love
as He loves

hush your soul
quiet your mind
still your heart
give yourself time
to yield to your
Creator
eternity set
inside of you
treasure one another
don’t you think
it’s time
to treasure
one
another

finding the story of me

a little older
but none the wiser
at least it feels that way
saying goodbye to this day
i see the light slip away
like the fading memories 
that fill my mind
so many
would have
could have
should have moments
that i can’t reach
but they reach me
they teach me
to walk
with heaven in view
it’s okay to be
somewhat new
tired of all the blame
at the end of the shame game
open my eyes to see
the new
you’ve place
in me
so i can rise
above the gravity
and rest
in stillness
the silence
of deliverance
the calming
resonance
of your presence
eternity in me
there is Truth
that doesn’t fade away
a Light
that glows bright
through the day
and through the night

healing
mending
making all things right
like they were meant to be
weightless melodies
singing endless songs
free to sing along
redeemed from all that's wrong
you see i’m finding life
is letting go
of all the why
and it’s okay
to cry
to mourn
to feel
every lament
so i can fly
towards the light
not just a leap of faith
it’s accepting grace
and shining bright
swimming in
eternal light
finding the story
of me
in the Way
the Truth
the Life

this surprise quiz called life

it feels like
it’s just out of my reach
just beyond my grasp
like a black and white ocean
through sad glass

the swells and sighs of the sea
capture my gaze
for a moment
time is as endless
as the white caps on the waves
that parade across the horizon

the answers
to the unspoken questions
on this surprise quiz called life 
the sadness that always
seems to rise inside
failure songs
refrains of shame
all that i don’t know or see
of the ocean depths in me

oh spirit swept waves of grace
drown me in your peace
let my countenance be raised
my fear assuaged
my longing engaged
in the rapture
of your ways
i surrender
helper
comforter
to your ways