a sweet gentle hum

i am trying to remember
that song
i think it was a duet
before all went wrong
maybe in a minor key
a slow tempo
a slow dance
a sparkling melody
it definitely had harmony
how did that song go

or
more to the counterpoint
where did that song go
i touch a note
play a chord
i rise and fall each day
like a wandering tune
not quite on the beat
trying to see
trying to find
do re mi
trying to find
you and me

the lyrics
started out so sweet
a story of promises
a promise to keep
maybe the strings
had too much tension
maybe the strings
became unwound
wounds have a way
of making their own
sound
telling their own
tale
and they set sail
on an ocean
of i just don’t care
to sing anymore
i put too many quarters
in this silent jukebox
never going back to the shore

three four
four four
six eight
i thought we would
top the charts
with each take
and now the page
is just dots and lines
i’m looking for my entrance
for my cue
i’m looking
i’m looking
for me
and for you

learning a new song
signing a new line
counting us in
not counting us out
like an endless fermata
you waited for me
we had to rest
there is music in that silence
it’s not the best
is yet to come
more like
holding on
holding hands
auditioning again
finding the perfect blend
of our beating broken hearts
let’s start by humming
a sweet
gentle hum
a wordless
song
that tells it all
holds it all
believes it all
and still
loves
the story it tells

mysterious love

uncertainty
disorientation
a gray shadow
blankets the light
confusion
an opaque spirit
descends in my mind
and tries to dislodge
hope from my soul
it nearly succeeds

turn to the left
turn to the right
turn around
move
stay still
speak
remain silent
try
surrender
everything matters
and nothing does
i can’t focus
on the next step
what kind of morning
is this
what kind of dawn
haunts me

i think i’ll wait
i choose to listen
my Maker is near
and He whispers
through the diffused
shadows of my fear
He sings through
the longing in my tears
and in this moment
nothing has changed
the struggle remains
so i yield to this moment
and trust
in His mysterious
love

just cruisin’

Here are too many images from a cruise vacation we recently enjoyed. These images are from the ship at sea, Key West, Florida, and Labadee, Haiti. Thanks for stopping by.

this surprise quiz called life

it feels like
it’s just out of my reach
just beyond my grasp
like a black and white ocean
through sad glass

the swells and sighs of the sea
capture my gaze
for a moment
time is as endless
as the white caps on the waves
that parade across the horizon

the answers
to the unspoken questions
on this surprise quiz called life 
the sadness that always
seems to rise inside
failure songs
refrains of shame
all that i don’t know or see
of the ocean depths in me

oh spirit swept waves of grace
drown me in your peace
let my countenance be raised
my fear assuaged
my longing engaged
in the rapture
of your ways
i surrender
helper
comforter
to your ways

so much love

i suppose
that when
in your 90’s
that the road
behind you
has more to tell
than the road ahead
and instead of the worry
and the hurry
to get
where you thought
you should be
you listen to
that long long road

i hear my mom
as she walks that road
and stops along the way
she pauses and wonders
what can she say
to give thanks to God
for her family
what can she say
to give thanks to God
for all the love
that surrounded
her journey

in one story
she laments her losses
then as the tears are flowing
a moment comes to the surface
and suddenly she laughs
sorrow harmonizes with joy
laughter sings with tragedy
but still
still gives thanks
and on that road
she remembers
all the gifts
without number
that she has shared
with family
with friends

now she’s tired
her most frequent visitor
is pain
here eyes are dim
but her voice
doesn’t wane
as she skips down that road
picking memories
like a beautiful rose
she holds in her hands
the important things
that somehow
we forget
but she knows
and her wisdom falls
like sweet silver snow
on the hearts
of all who listen
bringing light
and it just glistens
in your soul

she recalls the years
with pride
and with deep lament
she speaks
of her mom and dad
her sisters
her brothers
with thankfulness
carried by her tears
she speaks of their love
so
much
love

there is a power
in her spirit
that pays no attention
to her age
or the sheer exhaustion
of each day
her diminished frame
is a sanctuary
of strength
and love

i hope i have passed along
the smallest portion
of her love to my family
for even a fragment
of that love
would fill the world
would flood a soul
would help mend the wounds
we all carry

thank you mom
for speaking truth
for remembering to laugh
for lamenting all the sadness
for all your love
so
much
love

january jones beach

Back on Long Island visiting my elderly parents, which means a visit and long walk along the shore at Jones Beach. Temperatures in the 40’s, and breezy, but a gorgeous day!

i sang along

i heard some music today
the rhythm section of a little girl
skipping behind her mom

a gentle touch
from a medical sage
as he sang
-  you’re going to be okay -

the pale brown dried hydrangeas
shivering or dancing
to the melody
of this damp winter wind

i heard the horn section
of one member
of the bumper to bumper traffic
play a long steady tone
no doubt the driver
was in the fermata lane
and rules are rules

even the gray sky
somehow drew it’s bow
across the horizon
a deep ostinato
boasting of its power
to tame the light

it’s all music to me
a chaos of simplicity
a pale beauty
a human connection
a reason to dance
when there is no reason
to be found
so

i
sang
along

hey december

hey december
where did you go
did you take
the mistletoe
and what happened
to the eyes all aglow
light and trees
christmas melodies
how quiet
it all seems

well
christmas is only
356 days away
until then
i’ll choose to stay
in the silence
of winter’s embrace
i’ll welcome the stillness
and ponder the grace
that fills my heart
in the quiet start
of this new year
i choose to hear
the voice
of my Father in heaven
the grace
of His presence
the love
of His Son
hey december
it was fun

but living this life
is a serious thing
so i will sing
of His light in me
and remember
i can take december
and bring good cheer
to family near
and friends so far
dear God
thank you
dear God
thank you
for memories
of christmas melodies
and for right now
this day
this moment
for your presence
thank you
God

monochrome lighthouse

A few pics of the lighthouse at South Haven, Michigan on a cold, cloudy New Year’s day.

boys a river and ice

Took our two grandsons to the river to break ice and throw it into the river… because… you know… we’re just boys. 🙂