where is heart of the church the part that heals and feels pain and seeks to secure the good of the poor the stranger the unnoticed we pursue innovation but we need renovation of the inside of our soul the content of our heart so we can be a part of redeeming all that fell and all the hell in and around us as well
it is time to rebuild to be still to make a decision of the will to put on the Lord Jesus clothed in grace we move into the world that God so loved that he gave and embrace the stranger welcome the foreigner we face our flaws surrender our rights and set our sights on washing feet extending a hand we stand as ambassadors of the Way and we stay we forgive today we live not for ourselves but for those in need for those who cry and die alone for those who cry without a home
what has gone wrong that we have become a resounding gong we sing all those sunday songs and harbor hate hold a grudge belittle our spouse to name just a few and hide in the house of our pride we mock and scorn an opposing view and then we lock our soul in the rigid soil of i must win and we stew in the cauldron of our sin
Holy Spirit enter into the dark hidden sins for we are clanging cymbals who serve and sing and teach we study read and systematically arrange our grand theology and solve the mysteries give knowledge increase but we are just running from what is the greatest of these we are nothing without love
renovate our mind restore our heart we have made such a mess let us be people of kindness taking our place in rhythms of grace walking talking and loving as if we really believe that he has Risen
every moment is in the past every experience dissolves into a memory as soon as a moment in time arrives it retreats into yesterday the crimson and deep blue sea colors of a sunrise merge with a new day and they quietly disappear after loudly announcing the gift of a new day a photograph tries to stretch the brevity of the moment
but it remains powerless to make the moment last it only amplifies the memory which in turn makes the moment more elusive it only brings to our consciousness that the moment has slipped away and continues to slip away beyond our reach it only represents the beauty and majesty of the Creator and brings us face to face with this mysterious transient thing that we call life which i think is why an old stoic and wise man once said
It is better to go to a home where there is mourning than to one where there is a party, because the living should always remind themselves that death is waiting for us all. Sorrow is better than laughter; it may sadden your face, but it sharpens your understanding. Someone who is always thinking about happiness is a fool. A wise person thinks about death. *
a bit dark
i suppose
but also true
pondering impermanence stills our striving for things that do not last heals our hearts of passions that never satisfy pauses our pride in who we think we are
so i will welcome the loud colors let the moments slip away even as i too am slipping away following the crimson and deep blue colors pondering the promises of a heavenly voice
He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. **
like trying to hold the sands of the shore moments slipping away swallowed by tide and time like jumping high to swing from the clouds only to fall through the sky i tried to keep a moment or two
like a sunset over a soybean field or at the end of the road or a monochrome lighthouse showing the way to giant icicles on climbing day or two little girls on a summer swing with nana in the middle all is well or a grand city that rises and falls while a grand old bridge anchors it all or our two sons walking by the river or coffee starlings dancing in the air safe from the wind farm or the fire in the sky above a river flowing like time through fields and towns and seasons and lives until it joins the the moments in the sea and sand that still are slipping through my hands
if i were only able to walk i would roam to the sea to the top of the mountains and to the deep forest trees if i were only able to run i would chase the sunset win the race to the sunrise run after all the colors of the skies and if i could fly well if i could fly and soar i would explore the world with the power of my wings as i listened to the sky colors sing never again to walk or run i would fly with the sun ascend to the stars and oh the songs i would sing as i fly and carry the moon on my wings
when was the last time you walked across the noise in your life and journeyed into the depth of you
when was the last time you just were still and present to your soul your longing your sorrow your joy your hope your anxiety your darkness
when was the last time you closed your eyes and settled into your spirit named the pain let the tears carry away the sorrow
when was the last time you heard your voice when it tore down another soul did it leave you broken did it stab your heart
when was the last time you surrendered you admitted your limits faced your shadows let pride fall away in humility
when was the last time you said thank you i love you i was wrong please forgive me i need help
when was the last time you leaned into your ordinariness you opened your heart to your strengths and weaknesses you listened to feedback you didn’t defend yourself
when was the last time you were you not as you think you are but listened to others and how they experience you
you are an ocean a vast sea of dreams of loss laughter weeping of love fear perseverance sin of cowardice strength power kindness of impotence clarity valor uncertainty and so much more
you are human created by God loved by God seek Him rest in Him receive His love live in His grace receive His forgiveness be alive in Him He knows full well you are human
so let’s talk of autumn mornings falling into my consciousness sunny skies shaking off the midnight rain while coffee murmurations dance in my eyes and i come into focus crawling out of my dreams stumbling towards awareness senses trying to make sense of the blue painted sky and those tiny beads of coffee are they escaping the scalding dark amber sea or just singing to the Creator’s design the indescribable unmistakable aroma is fresh and new and tells old stories it is a starling moment and i don’t really know what to make of it so i make my escape with the coffee beads and enjoy the view
say good-bye to the veneer covering your soul to shallow shadow living say hello to all you are those parts of you kept tidy and tucked away integrate your shiny self with your darkness too
say good-bye to not knowing you to not reflecting to not pondering how those you love experience you say hello to living inside out be present to yourself listen listen listen as others share what they see who they see what they feel
say good-bye to running here and there to getting it all done to being okay with the frazzle breaking your mind feeding your anxiety say hello to stillness to stopping ceasing waiting to closing your eyes just breathing
say good-bye to pretending you’re doing fine the pain in your body is telling a different story all that scrolling diminishes you watching another series living other’s lives just won’t do say hello to being real to crying to sobbing to lamenting the hard stories that live in you must be told
say good-bye to your own strength intellect will gifts determination you’re such a success but kind of a mess say hello to faith to trust you did not make yourself He created you every moment is written His thoughts about you are precious
will we ever learn doesn’t it concern you what will it take to get through your hype your type your tight tight grip you don’t want to slip so you give others your lip you just strip away humanity society can’t be free with all this anxiety you think you're the most with your posts you say i’ll be free he says i’ll be free she says i’ll be free if i just see what he sees say what she sees be what he sees like a virus you spiral your viral perspective what makes you think others want your infection when they know it’s about selection who’s in who’s out i need a heart mask to stop the bleeding i’m reeling my soul is spinning nobody is winning this losing game no one is willing to stop the blaming shaming conflating the Cross the flag the dross will be tossed someone is hungry someone is alone someone has no home being taken from their own who are we feeding do we visit the prison or stay behind the bars we keep building around our hearts did you listen to their story did you listen to their pain what does it matter if you gain the whole world but LOSE YOUR SOUL i can’t believe what some will rearrange disengage and exchange for their soul LORD HAVE MERCY the only way to be free is to get on our knees Jesus wept
when i see all the unrest the could care less and carelessness from those who should be our best it’s like a colorless sunset hollow empty shiny but still somethin’s missin’ life is just dissin’ you and me got to see these leaders and who they really be raisin’ anger makin’ danger riled up fired up lied to free to upset regress and not reset the soul or console the whole of our cities our children all the cryin’ moms does anyone hear the tears they just busy shoutin’ making fear screamin’ for what what do you want take off your mask and task yourself with being someone who is against the grain relieving pain runnin’ away from the insane inane life drain of sin and self of placing humanity on the shelf so your cause won’t die what’s the use if we just abuse and use and consider others refuse to throw away when they refuse to say what i want them to say Lord color us with mercy and grace make space for us to change and stop leaning into feelings and stay here kneeling into releasing the darkness we think is the light color our hearts with love light and truth solid unchangeable unquenchable truth fire that is higher than our silly ways have your way save us from us and deliver us to a new that never dies and that one day will help us to transcend the skies and leave this place of sorrow and woe no more night no more pain tears left behind oh God above make it so make it so we confess our sin leave judgment to you invite you to look within our broken hearts help us to start to say no to lies and yes to your truth oh God have mercy have mercy oh God color our hearts like a sunset singing loud testifying that you are here you entered our pain lived died and rose again HALLELUJAH! won’t you help us down here won’t you help us down here
i don't know about you but there is so much i need to say goodbye to i'll welcome the endings practice some surrendering
it's hard to study all the expectations that are now a pile of eliminations i thought this or that would be the life i would have releasing longings into the fiery ending of this day i guess it will be okay
turns out being free is not about me trying to step aside God are you tired of hearing about my pride set is ablaze like the end of this day i'm tired of getting my way
love and hope sin and shadow peace and stillness heartache and sorrow is there a place deep in the marrow of my soul where all the counterpoint of being human is awakened restored and rises whole
saying goodbye to all that tethers me to this dirt i'd rather stiffen my neck than lift up my eyes stand on my own than fall to my knees search me and know my heart let all the parts of me that you see with grace and mercy
rutakintome pictures 
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