sometimes i wonder where it all came apart where the promises and love songs withered and sighed the radio station otherwise known as our lives just plays static the noise of our brokenness the crackle of our selfishness
sometimes i wonder where all that love went to hide where the feelings and tryings the caring that was dying before our once hope filled eyes is that love buried beneath the winter of our self-protection will there ever be a springtime of affections sunshine to melt the hardness to take back all the words that tore apart the fragile fabric otherwise known as our lives do shreds of tenderness remain i see tattered threads of holding hands i think i can make out a long lost embrace
sometimes i wonder if all these thoughts colliding in my mind can make sense of anything at all why did i say that why didn’t i tell you why did i hide why didn’t i leave you alone why did i remain silent why did i scream i have so much on repeat in my head longing to find that clue that tiny missed detail to unlock the best of us
i love you i said it but you saw through all i insisted was true and i couldn't carry the weight of what it meant to be we us together our true selves as one in the story otherwise known as our lives
Here in the Midwest we ended 2023 with an unusually warm November and December. 2024 brought us an unusually cold winter. We experienced over a week of temperatures well below freezing. Cloudy, gray skies have also been a feature for far too many days. So, even thought this morning it was -1 degrees Fahrenheit, I was looking forward to trying to capture a sunrise at the Illinois River. Low clouds on the horizon blocked the sun, but I was more intrigued by the ice formations left on the trees from the receding winter river. Thanks for stopping buy. Hope it’s warmer where you are.
your grandchild’s giggle a warm smile from a stranger an embrace from the one you love you just want some things to last
a walk beside the sea the scent of falling leaves a comforting glance for your sorrow you just want some things not to go too fast
a melody that makes you cry someone saying i forgive you sweet vienna fingers with some coffee you just want some things to not slip into the past
a frigid cold morning sky whose design and colors takes your breath away couldn't think of a better way to start and end a day than losing myself in the beauty swimming in the artistry trying to take the whole sky in my arms you just want some things to stay you want some things to never go away coffee vienna fingers embracing the whole sky i just want some things to stay maybe never have to say goodbye
so what’s up cloudy winter day what have you got to say you remind me of me today a little chill a little gray the blues are above you somewhere high in the sky like the blues down inside me where i’m tired and i don’t want to try to pretend anymore that it’s sunny act like it’s all okay cloudy morning i hear what you’re trying to say
wait weep stay don’t keep it together just be feel don’t try to weather the weather rest pray chill gray stay connected to your Creator on this cloudy winter day
a frosty cold dawn a gray featureless sky feels just like me today there’s a frozen mist sprinkled on the ground it’s a monochrome morning a colorless song that sounds like me today so i guess i’ll take the Christmas tree down
Christmas carols echo in my living room the grandkids laughing wrapping paper tearing meals we were just sharing are now memories and there’s something sad in me at the end of 2023 so i guess i’ll take the Christmas tree down
a quiet end of the season a gentle closing of the year and for no particular reason a tear appears and it’s okay the past three sixty-five well… let’s just say it can be hard to be alive there have been days of good cheer sorrow and struggle too said a final good-bye to mom and then there are the fractures in the family feeling all the anxiety and those whispers of failure just rise amidst an endless ostinato of whys so i guess i’ll take the Christmas tree down
a plastic stained glass window with a little boy in prayer amber crystal beads a shiny red ball from Macy’s a tiny wooden christmas tree a three story ceramic house a quiet Christmas mouse glimmering shimmering sparkling dazzling all are put to rest almost done there’s just one the last ornament
it’s a smiling angel holding a star with colored gems for wings so there i stand with this angel in my hand i can almost hear it sing a song of grace a melody of peace a smiling angel in my hand helps me know i’m in His hand so i hum a tune i can’t remember which one but i remember the fractures and failures are held in His hand too all our fractures all our failures so grateful He holds them grateful He knows them thanks for listening i’m done taking the Christmas tree down
as the winter fire sky gently carries the day away i allow my eyes to drink in the beauty and let the colors fill my mind
a glorious letting go a blazing surrendering to time are there moments in those colors memories in the winter fire sky
take a photo maybe this digital likeness will connect me to the weightless wonder and reflection deeper connection to the Artist’s dazzling affection for creation and all His children
winter fire sky thank you for your singular contribution to ease the longing it’s not a solution or absolution just a nudge a reminder that helps me remember that there is more than all our senses tell us the unseen real the shadows of glory an endless story is whispered in my heart as i say goodby to this winter fire sky
let me talk about the rain rain rain inside my heart and all those words i thought would build just tore us all part
let me talk about the rain rain rain inside my mind and all the shame and fighting ways and all this wasted time
let me talk about the rain rain rain inside your pain and all your tears all my broken tries we can’t go back again
let me talk about the rain rain rain i threw it all away don’t go the skies inside our lives will clear one day please stay and share this rain
between us darkness now there must be a way through all this muddy ground a story must be here let’s look around and find one who knows maybe it will keep us sheltered from all this rain rain rain
so this new day has come whose will will be done in my heart and mind today
these colors dance and play they call and say there is more to you more to me than this world often will let us see
so many lies so many tries to measure up to just keep up you get tired worn cast down and torn God help me see
i bear Your image strong and true it is ruined stained and needs to be renewed like this new day i will rise and sing with the colors bring a song of praise i will raise my voice and say
thank you for who You are to me thank you for all that makes me me
the dark the light the rest the fight i will listen to these colors sing life up my eyes and enter into Your peace Your grace Your will Your way
my heart and mind are yours today not my way not my will but Yours be done always and in all ways
what will happen
if i let go
stop pretending
i have this
under control
what would happen
if i released
and ceased
from all this
striving
and trying
to make it
all go away
what if
i choose to stay
in the waiting
in the long
and unknown space
called faith
if i fall
will i just
be absorbed
into the fear
and sadness below
or will
He catch me
enfold me
come alongside
and
hold me
still
it feels so safe
right here
i’ve got something
i can do
clinging to
my stubborn pride
not falling
seems
like a good use of time
but He wants
to continue
to write
this story
called
my life
so
i
let
go
and
then………
rutakintome pictures 
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