there is a desperate feigned beauty to a closed heart not present to pain like a tragic lullaby an inconsolable melody celebrating safety striving to look like peace reluctant to feel locked up in dark silence encased in emptiness
choose to feel to stay connected to what’s real stay in the pain even in the rain gifts are to be found don’t turn around lament all that is broken laugh as if it’s all okay cry because you know it’s not take a step of faith none of us is free from danger find a friend who will walk beside you and let you feel
and i find that i’m choosing to let it all in i stand in the light while i’m feeling the pain that keeps falling like rain on my story again and the clouds crowd my soul so i let it all go carried on whispered prayers with hands pleading lifted in unspoken longings eyes searching for some kind of answer in this darkened light embracing the rain and the clouds and all the unseen running into the light as it reaches all that’s been perhaps a lament or two will see me through the paradox of this impermanent journey a time for everything and everything in time i’ll welcome the longing with singing celebrate the love with understanding that all is fading into unending yesterdays and the clouds crowd my soul so i let it all go and i’ll walk towards the light keep my eyes on things above and choose to love here below and let it all go through trembling whispers of faith until i find my way home with some amazing grace
new life still all this strife new opportunity same entropy new start still in bed new attitude still no gratitude new insights still trying to fight new word still not listening new day same old ways new light still seeking shadows new colors same monochromatic soul new gifts same folded arms
for you
on this day
right now
new grace
boundless love
endless mercy
a Cross to bear
with an everlasting Companion
unmerited forgiveness
an endless sunrise
can be yours
receive
be centered
through surrender
be free
through confession
be at rest
through acceptance
come home
it is finished lay down your shame take up your hope lift up your head receive your identity and rise
opened my eyes some time at the gym took a look inside silence and stillness with Him and the eastern sky beckoned with colors and i don’t know why at times i want to hide and don’t want to discover i’d rather not uncover the true that’s in me
i need to confess these silhouettes that i present as real why do i fight why can it be so hard to walk towards the Light and be healed and stand in His grace i know shame goes away don't have to hide my face in the welcome of His mercy
shine oh please shine in me i do what’s old in me and don’t do from what i claim is new so please shine and let this new day remind my heart my soul my mind that you are with me you are beneath me before and behind me you are all around me i’ll take another step toward the light not by sight by faith i’ll wait because you are with me
we used to gather to remain in the vine neighbor sister brother mother father singing our songs Kyrie eleison standing room only we were searching for Holy, Holy, Holy in a time of upheaval we found comfort in the cathedral of our hearts in the neighborhood sanctuary
candles prayers stained glass windows used to tell our stories guiding us toward glory dazzling testimonies told in fragile colors we were lost but we found each other and we found our heavenly Father Kyrie eleison
now just silent songs unsung melodies broken monochrome glass and look the vines enter in perhaps searching for souls maybe a prayer or two God make all this old to be new and begin in me please, Lord tell a story of your glory through all that is shattered in me as i sing the ancient song
the tension between making earthbound choices and setting my heart on things above
the tension between reputation protection and other-centered living
the tension between my anger and grace
the tension between forgiveness and revenge
the tension between my faith and loss and pain and my restless soul
the tension between being an image bearer and my shame
the tension between my title and my actions
the tension between crossing the bridge and playing it safe
the tension between myself and myself
the tension between the darkness and the light inside this heart of mine i fall i soar take flight only to stumble and cry for healing and why is it feeling like nothing makes sense at least sometimes nothing makes sense for there is a time for everything under this radiant sun time to take a step of faith He is not done i’m not at home so sometimes it doesn’t make sense
like a black sea stretching out before me all this mystery of what is yet to be all that i cannot see
like a black sky slowly descending over me telling shadow stories all i cannot hide a dark gray canopy made up of all my whys
oh Lord and Light guide me on my way help me navigate this story through the night waiting for the day longing for all made right for the unseen real to replace what all the senses feel
like a dark wave swallowing up my soul all the doubt and shame why must it be this way growing old is growing close to a different shore to so much more than the sum of my failures or anything labeled a success it’s all just a mess
oh Lord and Light i’m grateful that you gave me sight for this mess that i call my life for you carried me you saw me you ransomed me so i’ll follow you i’ll turn to you surrender to you and let you tell me who i am for you are love and far above this darkened sky and far below this blackened sea your glory and light your power and might the Lord and Light is with me in me all around me
maybe it’s because the way things are i’m longing for what used to be maybe it’s because what used to be is why the way things are
maybe it’s because i’m remembering a world that was gentle and true maybe it’s because what’s gentle and true was forsaken and broken back then too
maybe it’s because we’re lost wandering souls that it seems faith is gone hope and love sailed away maybe it’s because we’ve wandered so far the light seems so dim we don’t know who we are
maybe we can turn and swim upstream awaken and see the Way maybe we can hear the Truth with our ears and Life can return to our poor restless souls let’s surrender right now all we think we know and find His rest and peace for only if we lose our lives in His love and light only then can we rise
pray with me that we will see the world we carry inside mended and healed by the Way the Truth the Life
what will happen
if i let go
stop pretending
i have this
under control
what would happen
if i released
and ceased
from all this
striving
and trying
to make it
all go away
what if
i choose to stay
in the waiting
in the long
and unknown space
called faith
if i fall
will i just
be absorbed
into the fear
and sadness below
or will
He catch me
enfold me
come alongside
and
hold me
still
it feels so safe
right here
i’ve got something
i can do
clinging to
my stubborn pride
not falling
seems
like a good use of time
but He wants
to continue
to write
this story
called
my life
so
i
let
go
and
then………
rutakintome pictures 
You must be logged in to post a comment.