tension

the tension between
my past and my present

the tension between
making earthbound choices
and setting my heart on things above

the tension between
reputation protection
and other-centered living

the tension between
my anger and grace

the tension between
forgiveness and revenge

the tension between
my faith
and loss
and pain
and my restless soul

the tension between
being an image bearer
and my shame

the tension between
my title and my actions

the tension between
crossing the bridge
and playing it safe

the tension between
myself
and myself

the tension between
the darkness and the light
inside this heart of mine
i fall
i soar
take flight
only to stumble
and cry for healing
and why is it feeling
like nothing makes sense
at least sometimes
nothing makes sense
for there is a time
for everything
under this radiant sun
time to take a step of faith
He is not done
i’m not at home
so
sometimes
it doesn’t make
sense

i will raise my voice

so this new day has come
whose will
will be done
in my heart and mind
today

these colors dance and play
they call and say
there is more to you
more to me
than this world often
will let us see
so many lies
so many tries
to measure up
to just keep up
you get tired
worn
cast down
and torn
God help me see

i bear Your image
strong and true
it is ruined
stained
and needs to be
renewed
like this new day
i will rise and sing
with the colors bring
a song of praise
i will raise
my voice
and say
thank you
for who You are
to me
thank you
for all that
makes me
me

the dark
the light
the rest
the fight
i will listen to
these colors sing
life up my eyes
and enter into
Your peace
Your grace
Your will
Your way
my heart
and mind
are yours today
not my way
not my will
but
Yours
be done
always
and in
all ways

settle

i want to settle
like the setting sun
all the crazy
as i run
through the tears
and disorientation
from the madness
of meditation
on the losses
and the misses
the noises of confusion
settle like the setting sun
into color
and calm
the balm of a song
that reminds me
that though there is wrong
in me and in you
that redemption is true
that beauty resides
in the heart
of life in Christ
for He suffered
He cried
He was angry
and He died
He lamented
and prayed
take this cup away
so sadness
and heartache
anxiety
is a thing
we can bring
to His Cross
to His care
to His suffering
settle
oh my soul
settle
in the stillness
of the Light
of His love
the color
of His grace
the glory
of His kindness
the promise
of a better place
where tears
will never fall again
light will never set
and never end
settle
oh my soul
settle
feel it all
and settle
your Savior knows
He sees
He feels
so don’t push
the mess of life away
let it remind you
a better day
awaits
walk by faith
not by sight
it’s going to be
all right
settle
oh
my
soul

the star maker knows

where is the solace
when life only brings darkness
an achromatic sunrise
unable to chase shadows
a sunset that never leaves

where is the gentle breeze
when life storms around and within
can’t breathe the rain soaked air
while i try to put on a smile
the pulse rate of my soul diminished

where are the hands
cradling a countenance
when the lonely tears
are seeking an embrace
standing in the middle of the universe
i guess the view is nice
but no one is there
to share the stars

i’ve heard it said
there is a place
where melodies and harmonies
take flight
like lullabies that never say goodnight
music you can taste
and hold in hand
or pull towards your heart
music that covers you
with a blanket of love and grace
the softest peace
a delicate abyss of joy

so i run to this place
in the darkness and the storm
i lift up my eyes
when it feels i can’t breathe
i fall into faith
when the tears want to stay
i tell my story
and let the music fill in the gaps
the star maker knows
each page of sorrow
each gaze of wonder
the calming comfort of trust
if i’m in the
pain of the valley
or the delight of the clouds
the star maker
knows
my
name
he knows my now
and my yesterdays
my what is to come

i breathe in timeless hope
i fall into
a vast fissure of love and rest

another valley is near
but
He
is
nearer

this surprise quiz called life

it feels like
it’s just out of my reach
just beyond my grasp
like a black and white ocean
through sad glass

the swells and sighs of the sea
capture my gaze
for a moment
time is as endless
as the white caps on the waves
that parade across the horizon

the answers
to the unspoken questions
on this surprise quiz called life 
the sadness that always
seems to rise inside
failure songs
refrains of shame
all that i don’t know or see
of the ocean depths in me

oh spirit swept waves of grace
drown me in your peace
let my countenance be raised
my fear assuaged
my longing engaged
in the rapture
of your ways
i surrender
helper
comforter
to your ways

a prayer

dear Lord
when i am restless
let the tranquility
of your Spirit
the comfort of your word
the light of your love
be my peace
and still my stirring
when i am anxious
let the power
of your grace
the assurance of your sovereignty
the goodness of your will
warm the frozen fear
i feel inside
release the heart shackles
and settle my thoughts
in the river of your presence
when i am triggered
angry
let your mercy
help me remember
how much is broken in me
let your justice
be the end of my longing
let my heart be open
to you and this world
send me
as your loving healing presence
as i receive your love
and your healing
when i am lost
bring me home
when i am so sad
that light seems a memory
and hope a forgotten song
reorient my mind
reset my spirit
help me see
that the suffering is but a moment
that all i long for
awaits in your house
no more tears
no need of light
or sun
no darkness
thank you
my dear Lord
thank you

remember

so i thought
i don’t know
that somehow
we would be different

so i thought
you and i
would be that story
that others
would love to tell

we just
seem to
stay in one place
choosing
immobility
you blame me
i blame you
standing in the pain
with you
brings no light

we said
i do
we said
i’ll stay
come pain
or joy
in loss
in light
we’re in
the wrong
fight

so i thought
so let’s just
look
into each other eyes
take each other’s hand
and gently remember

remember
love
remember
i do
remember
the vows
remember
together
remember
forgive me
remember
love
never
gives
up

remember

i

love

you

all around me

the last goodbye is coming soon
at least sooner than i every knew
trusting that the Light behind me
will be above me
beneath me
before me
all around me

still walking on this road with you
still leaving shadows behind
don’t want to be swallowed up
by all the wrong
the things i said
the things i’ve done
in Your love
those shadows flee
they are gone
in the Light of Your love

this life is long
and yet we know
the yesterdays are longer still
a line called life
stretches behind me
so i'm making a new yesterday
today

looking before me along the way
faith and hope and love will stay
so let me walk along this road
to the Light
in the Light
this burden is light
with You
behind me
above me
beneath me
before me
inside me
all around
me

see

how can we still be
missing so much beauty
our brother
our sister
all the treasures
of the world
right beside you
right beside me

how can we still be
hurting each other
oh can't you see
the glorious ruin
for that is who we are
who we all are
and we cry
for love
just to be loved

oh God
open our eyes
to your presence
image bearers
all around us
and let us
treasure
the treasures we see
and let
this love
start in me

how can we still be
silent
speak
let your words
embrace the sorrow
let your words
heal the pain

speak
be present
embrace
the treasures

oh God
help
me
see

lift up your eyes

lift up your eyes
oh weary one
and let His love
clothe the lies
mend the wounds
and sing over you

lift up your eyes
oh sacred soul
you matter more
than anyone knows
let His grace
lift your head
you bear His image
be at peace
be at peace

lift up your eyes
oh shame filled one
and let His presence
surround the sorrow
all the monochrome
guilt and shame
will be restored
in the color
of His deliverance
in the brilliance
of His countenance
in the suffering
of His love

lift up your eyes
be at peace
and rest

be at peace
and rest