i am trying to remember
that song
i think it was a duet
before all went wrong
maybe in a minor key
a slow tempo
a slow dance
a sparkling melody
it definitely had harmony
how did that song go
or
more to the counterpoint
where did that song go
i touch a note
play a chord
i rise and fall each day
like a wandering tune
not quite on the beat
trying to see
trying to find
do re mi
trying to find
you and me
the lyrics
started out so sweet
a story of promises
a promise to keep
maybe the strings
had too much tension
maybe the strings
became unwound
wounds have a way
of making their own
sound
telling their own
tale
and they set sail
on an ocean
of i just don’t care
to sing anymore
i put too many quarters
in this silent jukebox
never going back to the shore
three four
four four
six eight
i thought we would
top the charts
with each take
and now the page
is just dots and lines
i’m looking for my entrance
for my cue
i’m looking
i’m looking
for me
and for you
learning a new song
signing a new line
counting us in
not counting us out
like an endless fermata
you waited for me
we had to rest
there is music in that silence
it’s not the best
is yet to come
more like
holding on
holding hands
auditioning again
finding the perfect blend
of our beating broken hearts
let’s start by humming
a sweet
gentle hum
a wordless
song
that tells it all
holds it all
believes it all
and still
loves
the story it tells
uncertainty disorientation a gray shadow blankets the light confusion an opaque spirit descends in my mind and tries to dislodge hope from my soul it nearly succeeds
turn to the left turn to the right turn around move stay still speak remain silent try surrender everything matters and nothing does i can’t focus on the next step what kind of morning is this what kind of dawn haunts me
i think i’ll wait i choose to listen my Maker is near and He whispers through the diffused shadows of my fear He sings through the longing in my tears and in this moment nothing has changed the struggle remains so i yield to this moment and trust in His mysterious love
i heard some music today
the rhythm section of a little girl
skipping behind her mom
a gentle touch
from a medical sage
as he sang
- you’re going to be okay -
the pale brown dried hydrangeas
shivering or dancing
to the melody
of this damp winter wind
i heard the horn section
of one member
of the bumper to bumper traffic
play a long steady tone
no doubt the driver
was in the fermata lane
and rules are rules
even the gray sky
somehow drew it’s bow
across the horizon
a deep ostinato
boasting of its power
to tame the light
it’s all music to me
a chaos of simplicity
a pale beauty
a human connection
a reason to dance
when there is no reason
to be found
so
i
sang
along
here’s to
cloudy christmas days
and windy songs
weaving through
the barren trees
can’t sing along
with the howling melodies
i’d rather stay
and be in this
cloudy christmas day
here’s to
cloudy christmas days
you see there’s loss
and grief
a friend in need
the clouds
are all around him now
nothing makes much sense
anyhow
except this
cloudy christmas day
here’s to
cloudy christmas days
when the dark tree
seems to be
the proper choice
i need to give voice
to loss
to mystery
and the agony
that stings a bit more
you never know
what’s in store
on a cloudy
christmas day
so i’ll just feel
this cloudy christmas day
the tears say
it’s ok
i know Eternal Love
has come
and Peace
and Light
i am trusting
through my tears
in the Way
the Truth
the Life
on this
cloudy christmas day
what if today
you stopped
and decided
to be
and not just
to do
stillness
instead of the illness
of this
or that
can you be with yourself
can you open your heart
to the presence
of He who made all of the stars
and thought of you
before your first cry
before the first time
you opened your eyes
just close your eyes
breathe
He knows your name
breathe
He loves you
just be
take time
to remind
your mind
that you
are
loved
you
are
His
just
be
what do i see
when i see me
let's see
i suppose i see
what i want to see
and at times i see
what i long to be
at times
i'm such a selfie
self is proud
and can be
so loud
i can push away
by the words i say
those i say i love
why am i that way
if my attitude
or my words hurt you
please forgive me
i hope you can see
a way
to forgive me
i suppose i need
to see through eyes
that are not mine
but belong to the One
who makes me whole
and sees all that makes
me
me
and when i'm known
by the One who knows
all that's inside
i can decide
that i won't hide
anymore
Lord help me see
my wife
and kids
the family
my friends
my neighbor too
and say no to self
and live to serve
Lord help me let go
of me
and be free
to love
to give
to be alive
to others
and die
to
me
and
be
free
dear Lord
when i am restless
let the tranquility
of your Spirit
the comfort of your word
the light of your love
be my peace
and still my stirring
when i am anxious
let the power
of your grace
the assurance of your sovereignty
the goodness of your will
warm the frozen fear
i feel inside
release the heart shackles
and settle my thoughts
in the river of your presence
when i am triggered
angry
let your mercy
help me remember
how much is broken in me
let your justice
be the end of my longing
let my heart be open
to you and this world
send me
as your loving healing presence
as i receive your love
and your healing
when i am lost
bring me home
when i am so sad
that light seems a memory
and hope a forgotten song
reorient my mind
reset my spirit
help me see
that the suffering is but a moment
that all i long for
awaits in your house
no more tears
no need of light
or sun
no darkness
so i think that we should sing
about the sad sad shadows
why do i keep remembering
their darkened glance
it seems that they want to dance
into the story
and at any moment
the sad sad shadows
fall on me
so about those sad sad shadows
inside those weathered picture frames
a broken promise here
something undone there
framed fractures and failures
each one calls my name
and the struggle starts again
with one word
oh the shadow
of shame
falls on me
so listen sad sad shadows
i remembered today
that you don’t have to stay
you’re not the whole story
Light and Glory
can rewrite your songs
mend all the wrongs
and scatter the darkness
not just for a moment
but for eternity
all these parts of me
will be
restored
once more
oh sad sad shadow
the final say
will not be yours
the Light will end the night
and all the sad sad shadows
will go away
and there will be
only
Light
at this ripe young age
can it be three score
as i turn each page
i know less not more
and the more of less i know
it seems
it’s about letting go
i let go of the boy
i used to be
though he still
seems to want his own way
so still letting go
of my selfish ways
that boy won’t go away
that’s okay
i’m learning
letting go
i let go of just me
“i do” means now “we”
can it be two score
and there is so much more
of letting go
that i need to know
for “we”
letting go of
seeking me in her
letting go
of smashing mirrors
with my pride
letting go
of thinking
it’s better to hide
letting go
of staying inside
my head
letting go
of keeping my heart
to myself
i guess
the long slow road
of letting go of self
letting go
of expectations
of
well
everything
and
everyone
letting go
of just taking
letting go
of just faking
that we’re all okay
i pray i practice well
all the lettings go’s
that wait for me
‘cause someday soon
the last let go
will come into my room
and i want peace
and i want to know
that all those other letting go’s
will help me see
what waits for me
is an eternal embrace
it really is amazing grace
He never has
and never will
let go
of me
so welcome to your new day
time to tell your story
time to give yourself away
let go of the worry
and why so much hurry
time to slow down
what story will you tell
this day
so welcome to your new day
don’t compare and don’t stare
at all the insta-images
that sometimes just won’t dare
to be real and to say
i’m who i am
occasionally stumbling
always broken
anxiety has stolen some joy
but i’m who i am
loved by God
an image bearer
of my Creator
i am here
on this new day
so see the Light
who makes wrongs right
and mends our hurting souls
He lifts our heads
shows us the way
each time we go astray
He forgives
welcome to your new day
let go of that worry
don’t hurry
past the Light
on this new day
rutakintome pictures 
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