a gentle breeze kissed the trees and their leaves applauded with glee sunrise beams painted the fields the streams awakening colors dispelling the shadows oh Eternal LIght can you do the same for me you see i’m wrestling now with shadows deep sad sad songs keep echoing and i weep for these longings keep on singing and i can’t make out the melody all seems wrong where are the joyful songs will you shine on my mind running all these scenarios is a drain but the pain remains will you shine on my troubled heart mend all the jagged broken parts help me to start anew i will trust i will trust in You my Eternal Light
there is a desperate feigned beauty to a closed heart not present to pain like a tragic lullaby an inconsolable melody celebrating safety striving to look like peace reluctant to feel locked up in dark silence encased in emptiness
choose to feel to stay connected to what’s real stay in the pain even in the rain gifts are to be found don’t turn around lament all that is broken laugh as if it’s all okay cry because you know it’s not take a step of faith none of us is free from danger find a friend who will walk beside you and let you feel
taking time to just be on this gentle quiet morning by the sea
soothing waves share their melodies as soft hues of morning light fall upon the endless sand and fill my eyes with stilled wonder
i try to look down into the deep of my own heart and feel the sad songs find the gifts of grace stay in anger’s embrace pray for resurrection to race through the turmoil and the pain lift me higher again so i can return to You and in so doing return to me
slowly the luminance of the colors rise across the sky as the colors of love wash over me eternity is in my heart thankful for each crazy part of this thing called life
remembering letting go surrendering finding slow winter’s cold a memory blooming color here comes summer seasons in my heart some things i can start again and some well they just are
moments in the sun will soon run away colors will fall winter will howl lonely branches will soon help me see
so i explore the seasons in my life some things must die some things bring so many whys
but with each blossom all this beauty wrapped up tightly waiting to spring i surrender let go and find some slow and sing
i haven’t thought this all the way through but i thought i’d share it with you i’ll start with a question or two do you see beauty around you do you see beauty within
colors and clouds shout out loud the sky canvas telling us connecting us to deeper fairer things do you see do you see
the beauty within you are an image bearer you are the only you but let’s set pride aside perfection does not reside inside His favor abides you are His child His creation
do you see beauty around you beauty within we are all a glorious ruin we are lost but we can see blind but we can be found do you see do you see
i’ll try and tell you why this endless sea and sky brings to me a sense of grace it’s a calming space memories of family my little legs running away from the waves or dancing above the hot sand shivering in the Atlantic cold maybe i’ll be bold and just jump right in and swim on the crest of this swell crashing down now in a swirl of briny sand tossed and thrown upon the shore i always got up and ran in for more i remember dad first taking my hand then lifting me in his arms as he marched into the sea delighted and frightened it’s all right i’ll hold on tight the waves don’t seem to bother him at all and if i stood still at the edge of the arriving and departing ocean i thought it was neat that the sand would steal my feet could it just swallow all of me into the salted sea it tasted so good to me the roar and crashing waves were like a melody and at the end of the day the world felt okay it was so good to be with family by the endless sky and sea
a slow meandering upon the ancient sands the sea reminding me how small i truly am and that’s totally okay
much more behind me than before me a few less steps remain the waves will sing long after my last breath
sometimes i just want to stop and join the clouds and sea just melt into the horizonless dance and stay listen and pray it can all feel so weary
still i journey on back to go forward reaching into the ocean of stories looking for that perfect shell listening for all is well remembering the glory still to come
yesterdays just fly away even memories are fading is anyone staying we are alone ever together with our life and with others we are alone
new life still all this strife new opportunity same entropy new start still in bed new attitude still no gratitude new insights still trying to fight new word still not listening new day same old ways new light still seeking shadows new colors same monochromatic soul new gifts same folded arms
for you
on this day
right now
new grace
boundless love
endless mercy
a Cross to bear
with an everlasting Companion
unmerited forgiveness
an endless sunrise
can be yours
receive
be centered
through surrender
be free
through confession
be at rest
through acceptance
come home
it is finished lay down your shame take up your hope lift up your head receive your identity and rise
opened your eyes got out of bed but are you awakened exercised a protein drink from the blender but did you remember to feed your soul to workout the stuff in your heart that you took to bed last night
the morning routine out the door traffic and weather report looks grim you steel your mind and shut the door telling yourself that you are fine another sip of coffee but did you remember to feel something that you know is there to understand yourself just a little bit more being and doing doing and being
more you and i know there is more than the deadline more than all this activity did we lose ourselves more likely we numb ourselves away from pain and disorientation keep the radio on get busy and fill the schedule it’s helps to drown out the noise of all that’s in my head maybe i should have stayed in bed
put the keys on the counter there’s nothing in the fridge it was a good day at the office on the worksite on my shift i think i impressed… someone… anyway i suppose it was just another day there’s something still inside… wait…
why am i crying...
i must be tired or a bit confused maybe a drink will clear out my head hulu and netflix aren’t helping tonight how long have i been staring at this parade of options
was i crying tonight
maybe it was the traffic it was a long day i think i’ll go to bed and try again tomorrow to shake this restless sorrow being doing doing being am i living am i awakened
every now and then a little boy walks into the room he was already here he has never left i just acknowledge his presence
he sits and listens i share memories questions doubts fears longings words of comfort and remorse
i sit and listen as he shares stories wishes sorrows giggles secrets tears attempts to speak all that was real
our meeting is as a key to a lock slowly arranging tumblers a click or two closer to opening a box filled with light opening a chamber of forgiveness opening a door that has been tightly shut for too long diminishing the shadows and obscurity of what it means to be
sometimes we just gaze into each other and see our soul our converging wanderings and there is calm peace between us inside us not because all the mysteries were explained more because across our times we met found solace and remembered who we are who we are not what to grasp and what to set free
rutakintome pictures 
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