Tag: surrender

slow motion mending

sometimes i need to find
the time and silence
to unwind these coils of lies
these shackles of shame
and the commotion in my soul
so i sit in slow motion
while i name each derision
and consciously make the decision
to breathe in the Light of the World
and exhale all these false tales
that shield my heart
from receiving
the love on the Cross
He is bleeding
for me
losing His life
to save my own
taking my sin
calling it His own
this Christmas child
a King has come
to reign through love
and set me free
from the insanity
of my own making
so like these winter trees
i’ll surrender the leaves
those colors were so nice
but it’s just a show so i’ll let them go
and die
to what i think i know will set me free
and stay here in the mystery
of winter’s necessary death
it won’t last long
so with each breath
i’ll wait and sing a song
to the Christmas King
as He works in my soul
and rights all wrongs
He is my healer
my story writer
and life giver
i’ll wait
while He does
some slow motion mending
old things must have an ending
to make room for the new

the only way

will we ever learn
doesn’t it concern you
what will it take to get through
your hype your type
your tight tight grip
you don’t want to slip
so you give others your lip
you just strip away humanity
society can’t be free
with all this anxiety
you think you're the most
with your posts
you say i’ll be free
he says i’ll be free
she says i’ll be free
if i just see what he sees
say what she sees
be what he sees
like a virus
you spiral your viral
perspective
what makes you think
others want your infection
when they know
it’s about selection
who’s in who’s out
i need a heart mask
to stop the bleeding
i’m reeling
my soul is spinning
nobody is winning
this losing game
no one is willing
to stop the blaming
shaming
conflating
the Cross
the flag
the dross will be tossed
someone is hungry
someone is alone
someone has no home
being taken from their own
who are we feeding
do we visit the prison
or stay behind the bars
we keep building around our hearts
did you listen to their story
did you listen to their pain
what does it matter if you gain
the whole world
but
LOSE
YOUR
SOUL
i can’t believe 
what some will rearrange
disengage and exchange
for their soul
LORD
HAVE
MERCY
the only way
to be free
is to get on our knees
Jesus wept

notice

I AM

awaken
arise
be still
settle
listen
inhale
confess
receive
notice

I AM
I AM

witness
believe
understand
surrender
let go
love
live
exhale
release
give

I AM
I AM

ponder
accept
reality
engage
weep
truth
heart
days
months
years
time
eternal
trust

I AM

something safe

something solid
something sure
at the beginning of the end
and i am feeling insecure
what will it take
for this heart
to settle down
i think
it’s something solid
something sure

something that lasts
something i can count on
i can’t seem to stop surrendering
to the stories i tell myself
no happy endings
why am i spending time
in all the shadows
won’t you tell me please
what will it take
for my mind to be at ease
i think
something that lasts
something i can count on

something quiet
something safe
when it all unravels
when the puzzle pieces
don’t match the picture
on the box
what will it take
for my soul to rest
for my eyes to see
i think it must be
something quiet
something safe
there is an old story
of the Son of Man
that abides
through the centuries
He walked upon
the same ancient soil
that i stumble upon
His words true and sure
pierce my heart
and a small glowing calm
lifts my head

for He was before
and will always be
His love is for all time
and my mind
can’t understand
but i choose to anchor
my thoughts to the peace
of His everlasting wisdom
His never ending love

and into all my searching
in the midst
of all the bingeing and the scrolling
He shouts stillness
into the noise of my life
calming
restoring
reminding
renewing
resurrecting
and singing over me
the pain remains
but i am unharmed
confusion seems to hold sway
but my fear is consoled
by His presence
beside me
above me
beneath me
all around me
there is a storm
but
He
is

an advent prayer

we sing of a silent night
and of a Wonderful Counselor
born on a bleak mid-winter
of starry skies
and angel choirs
while rushing here
and late again there
parties and gatherings
there’s so much left on our lists
we want Christmas
in our culture
but is Christ in our hearts
buy now pay later
real time tracking
replaces real time reflecting
pondering the Prince of Peace
Immanuel
God
with
us
we wail and cry
for the suffering in this world
while we pass by
the violence we commit
against ourselves
we stream and binge
have another drink or two
or we click
buy now
pushing the pain away
hoping this shallow
happiness will stay
even though we know
it’s just a matter of time
before that dark cold low
presses on our chest
so we keep doing
maybe later
later
we will rest
the hope of the world
this baby boy
born into the icy darkness
of our souls
is He welcome
in the home of your heart
the light of the world
born into the chaos
that is our pain
do we surrender
to His invitation
filled with grace and truth
for He entered into our suffering
He walked this place of sorrows
the Creator holds the universe
in the palm of his tiny hands

O Jesus
little baby boy
hold me
help me
have mercy on me

amen

help me to let go

i’m trying
to let go
sometimes surrendering
doesn’t fit
all the shoulds i’m chasing

you see
i have this life equation
that should equal
the sum total
of all my expectations
of how it all should unfold
and then i see it unravel
everywhere and nowhere
i want to be

i’m trying
to let go
after all
we will all one day
let go of everything
so why do i try
to hang on to so much

like my pride
why didn’t you take
my side
i can only see
the me side
of you

like still holding onto
my right
and i’m right
and you’re not
i can’t see
how dark
and confusing
i make it for you

like when i hold onto
my disengaged attitude
pushing you away
silencing your voice
you’re not real
you don’t really know
what you feel
so let me
tell you

like when i hold onto
my fear
i don’t think
you’ll stay here
if you see the real
in me

God
help me
to let go
and to know
that even when i fall
that i am descending
into freedom
decreasing into the fullness
of who you made me to be

God
please help me
to
let
go

the Light

the Light chases us
even through
a dense darkness
a disorienting mist
that surrounds our efforts
to run towards anything
that helps us
to feel
loved
to feel
free

the Light waits for us
as we meander and stumble
through grief and sorrow
like a thick forest of tears
you cut your way through
angry branches
and leaves of sadness
but the forest
closes in
and muffles your weeping

the Light sees us
even when we can’t breath
and anxiety transforms the world
into a tiny box
from which
we cannot escape
and what we want
more than anything
is to be able
to stretch out our hand
so someone
can take hold
and guide us home

above
beneath
behind
in front of every cry
the Light

above
beneath
behind
in front of all your sorrow
the Light

above
beneath
behind
in front of all your fear
the Light

above
beneath
behind
in front of you
the Light
a hand extended
to guide you home
a warm embrace
to welcome you home

connection

standing still
contemplating all
the strategic decisions
that brought me here
ready to take a new step
on the journey
navigating
this ocean of feelings
the sadness
just beneath
the surface of it all
how do we traverse
the relational mines
of this broken world
no more pretending
more unmasking
what lies beneath
the smiles
and the tears
so tired of defending
time to stop protecting
and submit to truth
to words that may hurt
but will heal
the path to connection
spend more time in reflection
admitting all that’s wrong
in me
it’s so easy to live
suppressing
love and heartache
stepping into releasing
it all to Him
embracing the journey inward
not hiding what others see
accepting all that is
turning away
from denying all that is
the fog of reality
is clearer
that the seemingly
serene shimmer of self-deception
the crying
is from the lying
vulnerability is moving
towards being free
intimacy or distancing
the choice is up to me
to live in authenticity
and humility
is to break through
the veneer of safety
and i’m certain
that certainty
is not so certain after all
faith requires
the tension
of a solid hope
amidst the crazy
of the now
hate and
willful ignorance
are easy
it’s love
that is
hard

Kyrie eleison
Christe eleison

all the goodbyes

a fleeting embrace
ending
with one last glance
one last wave
as you step
through security
with no one to help you
with your insecurity
ushered into
a waiting room
after transferring a kiss
from you hand
to her forehead
overwhelming outcomes
swirl in your mind
a quiet prayer
folded hands
shoulders
crushed beneath
sorrow and pain
rest
gently rest
i’ll see you
again
a collection
of expectations
neatly organized
as you donate them
to the upside down reality
that is also your lament

younger days
when smiles
were abundant
surrender to
deep steel eyes
aged by the weight
of all that you must release
all that you thought
was the melody of your journey
memories
that just fade
and others
that won’t go away
songs that remain
falling into the echoes
of time and reminiscence
of sad joy
and mournful gratitude
sunsets loudly
dazzle your soul
swallowed by night
colors overtaken
by unstoppable darkness
still
i welcome
every hello
every greeting
every start
every beginning
every hope
every hug
every grace
every possibility
every giggle
every sunset
every sunrise
while holding
all the goodbyes
and i’m glad
so
immeasurably
glad

i
am
with
you

find some slow

remembering
letting go
surrendering
finding slow
winter’s cold
a memory
blooming color
here comes summer
seasons
in my heart
some things
i can start
again
and some
well
they just are
moments
in the sun
will soon
run away
colors will fall
winter will howl
lonely branches
will soon help me see
so i explore
the seasons
in my life
some things
must die
some things
bring so many whys
but with each
blossom
all this beauty
wrapped up tightly
waiting to spring
i surrender
let go
and find
some slow
and
sing