we are young we are sparkling newborn souls and our bones ache and our hearts creak and shadows now travel along our optic nerve
eternity beckons and we age only to realize we are beginners and the wisdom collection we keep on our shelf only reminds us of our duplicity and all that is mysterious and unknown within and without
tidal memories ebb and flow within our mind leaving behind empty shells some speaking of beauty and the brightness of life others cracked and shattered souvenirs of the hard road of the painful storms
but we are beginners every day and our God has planted eternity in our hearts endless time is within us it is no wonder we long for lasting peace we search for a deep abiding joy we ache for a love that isn’t tossed by the waves of this tumultuous life
we are bound by time and an immortal presence resides in our hearts
we are shackled to schedules coordinate our calendars while something that is ageless beckons our attention
it seems to me that we could use some time in the mourning house to see how tightly we are tethered to the earth and its own decay and to weep to mourn and wail in order to awaken the Eternal in our hearts to begin a new query into what is real what is lasting what is true
let us be boundless by being present to the undying Light and Love that perpetually shines in us let us be free of these passing moments by surrendering to our Creator God while we walk on the earth we can touch heaven in His redemption and in the grace of His Son we walk on the road while we dance in the skies and await all things new
i’m on a road i think i’m in control i think i know where i need to go i think i can see i think i can find my way back home i think there’s nothing behind me so why am i surprised at the tears in my eyes trying to be free while looking for a sign to ease my mind as i struggle to leave behind all the troubled times i carry in my soul things said and done they take a toll make me want to run but i choose to stay and follow the Way i sing of amazing grace i sing through my tears of a perfect love that drives away fear as the rain plays a melody reminding me that i am not in control but i’m safe in the shadow of the wings of His love as i travel on my way home
sometimes i need to find the time and silence to unwind these coils of lies these shackles of shame and the commotion in my soul so i sit in slow motion while i name each derision and consciously make the decision to breathe in the Light of the World and exhale all these false tales that shield my heart from receiving the love on the Cross He is bleeding for me losing His life to save my own taking my sin calling it His own this Christmas child a King has come to reign through love and set me free from the insanity of my own making so like these winter trees i’ll surrender the leaves those colors were so nice but it’s just a show so i’ll let them go and die to what i think i know will set me free and stay here in the mystery of winter’s necessary death it won’t last long so with each breath i’ll wait and sing a song to the Christmas King as He works in my soul and rights all wrongs He is my healer my story writer and life giver i’ll wait while He does some slow motion mending old things must have an ending to make room for the new
will we ever learn doesn’t it concern you what will it take to get through your hype your type your tight tight grip you don’t want to slip so you give others your lip you just strip away humanity society can’t be free with all this anxiety you think you're the most with your posts you say i’ll be free he says i’ll be free she says i’ll be free if i just see what he sees say what she sees be what he sees like a virus you spiral your viral perspective what makes you think others want your infection when they know it’s about selection who’s in who’s out i need a heart mask to stop the bleeding i’m reeling my soul is spinning nobody is winning this losing game no one is willing to stop the blaming shaming conflating the Cross the flag the dross will be tossed someone is hungry someone is alone someone has no home being taken from their own who are we feeding do we visit the prison or stay behind the bars we keep building around our hearts did you listen to their story did you listen to their pain what does it matter if you gain the whole world but LOSE YOUR SOUL i can’t believe what some will rearrange disengage and exchange for their soul LORD HAVE MERCY the only way to be free is to get on our knees Jesus wept
something solid something sure at the beginning of the end and i am feeling insecure what will it take for this heart to settle down i think it’s something solid something sure
something that lasts something i can count on i can’t seem to stop surrendering to the stories i tell myself no happy endings why am i spending time in all the shadows won’t you tell me please what will it take for my mind to be at ease i think something that lasts something i can count on
something quiet something safe when it all unravels when the puzzle pieces don’t match the picture on the box what will it take for my soul to rest for my eyes to see i think it must be something quiet something safe
there is an old story of the Son of Man that abides through the centuries He walked upon the same ancient soil that i stumble upon His words true and sure pierce my heart and a small glowing calm lifts my head
for He was before and will always be His love is for all time and my mind can’t understand but i choose to anchor my thoughts to the peace of His everlasting wisdom His never ending love
and into all my searching in the midst of all the bingeing and the scrolling He shouts stillness into the noise of my life calming restoring reminding renewing resurrecting and singing over me the pain remains but i am unharmed confusion seems to hold sway but my fear is consoled by His presence beside me above me beneath me all around me there is a storm but He is
we sing of a silent night and of a Wonderful Counselor born on a bleak mid-winter of starry skies and angel choirs while rushing here and late again there parties and gatherings there’s so much left on our lists
we want Christmas in our culture but is Christ in our hearts buy now pay later real time tracking replaces real time reflecting pondering the Prince of Peace Immanuel God with us
we wail and cry for the suffering in this world while we pass by the violence we commit against ourselves we stream and binge have another drink or two or we click buy now pushing the pain away hoping this shallow happiness will stay even though we know it’s just a matter of time before that dark cold low presses on our chest so we keep doing maybe later later we will rest
the hope of the world this baby boy born into the icy darkness of our souls is He welcome in the home of your heart
the light of the world born into the chaos that is our pain do we surrender to His invitation filled with grace and truth
for He entered into our suffering He walked this place of sorrows the Creator holds the universe in the palm of his tiny hands
O Jesus little baby boy hold me help me have mercy on me
i’m trying to let go sometimes surrendering doesn’t fit all the shoulds i’m chasing
you see i have this life equation that should equal the sum total of all my expectations of how it all should unfold and then i see it unravel everywhere and nowhere i want to be
i’m trying to let go after all we will all one day let go of everything so why do i try to hang on to so much
like my pride why didn’t you take my side i can only see the me side of you
like still holding onto my right and i’m right and you’re not i can’t see how dark and confusing i make it for you
like when i hold onto my disengaged attitude pushing you away silencing your voice you’re not real you don’t really know what you feel so let me tell you
like when i hold onto my fear i don’t think you’ll stay here if you see the real in me
God help me to let go and to know that even when i fall that i am descending into freedom decreasing into the fullness of who you made me to be
the Light chases us even through a dense darkness a disorienting mist that surrounds our efforts to run towards anything that helps us to feel loved to feel free
the Light waits for us as we meander and stumble through grief and sorrow like a thick forest of tears you cut your way through angry branches and leaves of sadness but the forest closes in and muffles your weeping
the Light sees us even when we can’t breath and anxiety transforms the world into a tiny box from which we cannot escape and what we want more than anything is to be able to stretch out our hand so someone can take hold and guide us home
above beneath behind in front of every cry the Light
above beneath behind in front of all your sorrow the Light
above beneath behind in front of all your fear the Light
above beneath behind in front of you the Light a hand extended to guide you home a warm embrace to welcome you home
standing still contemplating all the strategic decisions that brought me here ready to take a new step on the journey navigating this ocean of feelings the sadness just beneath the surface of it all how do we traverse the relational mines of this broken world no more pretending more unmasking what lies beneath the smiles and the tears so tired of defending time to stop protecting and submit to truth to words that may hurt but will heal the path to connection spend more time in reflection admitting all that’s wrong in me it’s so easy to live suppressing love and heartache stepping into releasing it all to Him embracing the journey inward not hiding what others see accepting all that is turning away from denying all that is the fog of reality is clearer that the seemingly serene shimmer of self-deception the crying is from the lying vulnerability is moving towards being free intimacy or distancing the choice is up to me to live in authenticity and humility is to break through the veneer of safety and i’m certain that certainty is not so certain after all faith requires the tension of a solid hope amidst the crazy of the now hate and willful ignorance are easy it’s love that is hard
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