say good-bye to the veneer covering your soul to shallow shadow living say hello to all you are those parts of you kept tidy and tucked away integrate your shiny self with your darkness too
say good-bye to not knowing you to not reflecting to not pondering how those you love experience you say hello to living inside out be present to yourself listen listen listen as others share what they see who they see what they feel
say good-bye to running here and there to getting it all done to being okay with the frazzle breaking your mind feeding your anxiety say hello to stillness to stopping ceasing waiting to closing your eyes just breathing
say good-bye to pretending you’re doing fine the pain in your body is telling a different story all that scrolling diminishes you watching another series living other’s lives just won’t do say hello to being real to crying to sobbing to lamenting the hard stories that live in you must be told
say good-bye to your own strength intellect will gifts determination you’re such a success but kind of a mess say hello to faith to trust you did not make yourself He created you every moment is written His thoughts about you are precious
you think the truth you spittin is hittin and all the while it’s missin the heart why don’t you start with the 2 x 4 stickin out your face you call it grace you say you love but it feels like a shove of theological grooves that in your mouth is just fake news we all got the blues we all need the truth take a look in the mirror are you clearer to you maybe you should go feel and find what you left behind there’s nothin new under that big bright star who do you think you are who do you think you are
start something new in me set me free to be restin instead of testin everybody’s this and that where am i at what am i going to be show me me show me me
you say you prayin but you just slayin throwin hollow verses that feel like curses and what’s worse is that when you done you done silence no presence silence no assistance silence no shoulder to cry on active love to rely on your logic doesn’t do a thing get in the ring and fight for the unseen the unnoticed are real whatever they see this world to be connection is what they need don’t log off when you have your say and just walk away why don’t you show up level up your argument is sound but your heart can’t be found you stand your ground as you ground others down
start something new in me set me free to be restin instead of testin everybody’s this and that where am i at what am i going to be show me me show me me
i don't know about you but there is so much i need to say goodbye to i'll welcome the endings practice some surrendering
it's hard to study all the expectations that are now a pile of eliminations i thought this or that would be the life i would have releasing longings into the fiery ending of this day i guess it will be okay
turns out being free is not about me trying to step aside God are you tired of hearing about my pride set is ablaze like the end of this day i'm tired of getting my way
love and hope sin and shadow peace and stillness heartache and sorrow is there a place deep in the marrow of my soul where all the counterpoint of being human is awakened restored and rises whole
saying goodbye to all that tethers me to this dirt i'd rather stiffen my neck than lift up my eyes stand on my own than fall to my knees search me and know my heart let all the parts of me that you see with grace and mercy
This blog has been quiet lately because we sold our home and moved to a new home! The new house is about 8 miles from our old house. We have been talking about downsizing for a few years now and… here we are! Packing up 20 years of living is crazy! We are grateful. Recently someone asked if I miss our old house. My reply, “Not at all.” However, I didn’t expect it to be so hard to say goodbye to our dining table. I helped the family who purchased our table and hutch by dismantling as much of the table as I could. When they took the table top out, the tears suddenly came.
a sturdy table how many times did we say grace a setting a space for us just to be… us
conversations confessions interactions admissions revelations contrition a table is set and becomes the place where all the weight of grave and gold stories are told and the broken bread leaves a trail leading to baby cries spaghetti on the floor broken family ties a spilled drink someone’s at the door embraces of grace birthday candles graduation cake love is a messy thing it’s a long dangerous journey of faith hope and love
homework and coffee thanksgiving turkey deep, endless laughter tears and the dread of uncertainty are served alongside a heap of understanding conflict and honesty
i was surprised when the tears appeared as the table was hauled away i wondered would they take away the echoes of our conversations the forgiveness that we found the acceptance that we gave the hurt that was served the pain that was assuaged
it’s called downsizing but my tears are singing a different tune my soul is filled my hearts breaks somewhere along the fault line of gratitude and lament time to reset the table of my heart a place of welcome peace family love
in and around this tattered old town nestled in the state of my mind taking a stroll on the pathways through my soul standing on the corner i see memories of younger days melodies of different ways on a street named regret at the corner of joy looking for an answer or two reaching for something true since i was a boy
acceptance forgiveness and gratitude my heart yearns for something more than the sum total of my days so i set my gaze on things above the unseen real unfailing love
and i wait
and choose to be still
as the sun
settles down
on this old tattered town
i welcome
the end of this day
knowing it is the only way
to a new dawn
another pathway
hidden in the Light
safe in Him
i rise
i am safe in Him
i’ll rise
we sing of a silent night and of a Wonderful Counselor born on a bleak mid-winter of starry skies and angel choirs while rushing here and late again there parties and gatherings there’s so much left on our lists
we want Christmas in our culture but is Christ in our hearts buy now pay later real time tracking replaces real time reflecting pondering the Prince of Peace Immanuel God with us
we wail and cry for the suffering in this world while we pass by the violence we commit against ourselves we stream and binge have another drink or two or we click buy now pushing the pain away hoping this shallow happiness will stay even though we know it’s just a matter of time before that dark cold low presses on our chest so we keep doing maybe later later we will rest
the hope of the world this baby boy born into the icy darkness of our souls is He welcome in the home of your heart
the light of the world born into the chaos that is our pain do we surrender to His invitation filled with grace and truth
for He entered into our suffering He walked this place of sorrows the Creator holds the universe in the palm of his tiny hands
O Jesus little baby boy hold me help me have mercy on me
sometimes it doesn't feel like anything is rising in me held inside this gravity on my knees i just can’t see how why or when
life can be an in between a canyon of waiting in the unseen is there another side to this pain another way to restore loss laughter or song
O Light of the world color my soul shine into these old tears bring your radiance into my fears and all this uncertainty would you carry it for me i believe you know the why i trust you will show me how i let this sunrise fill the eyes of my heart and i cry for a morning with no more tears no more pain until then i wait and sing a sad song to say thank you i know you are here
i’m trying to let go sometimes surrendering doesn’t fit all the shoulds i’m chasing
you see i have this life equation that should equal the sum total of all my expectations of how it all should unfold and then i see it unravel everywhere and nowhere i want to be
i’m trying to let go after all we will all one day let go of everything so why do i try to hang on to so much
like my pride why didn’t you take my side i can only see the me side of you
like still holding onto my right and i’m right and you’re not i can’t see how dark and confusing i make it for you
like when i hold onto my disengaged attitude pushing you away silencing your voice you’re not real you don’t really know what you feel so let me tell you
like when i hold onto my fear i don’t think you’ll stay here if you see the real in me
God help me to let go and to know that even when i fall that i am descending into freedom decreasing into the fullness of who you made me to be
the Light chases us even through a dense darkness a disorienting mist that surrounds our efforts to run towards anything that helps us to feel loved to feel free
the Light waits for us as we meander and stumble through grief and sorrow like a thick forest of tears you cut your way through angry branches and leaves of sadness but the forest closes in and muffles your weeping
the Light sees us even when we can’t breath and anxiety transforms the world into a tiny box from which we cannot escape and what we want more than anything is to be able to stretch out our hand so someone can take hold and guide us home
above beneath behind in front of every cry the Light
above beneath behind in front of all your sorrow the Light
above beneath behind in front of all your fear the Light
above beneath behind in front of you the Light a hand extended to guide you home a warm embrace to welcome you home
rutakintome pictures 
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