every moment is in the past every experience dissolves into a memory as soon as a moment in time arrives it retreats into yesterday the crimson and deep blue sea colors of a sunrise merge with a new day and they quietly disappear after loudly announcing the gift of a new day a photograph tries to stretch the brevity of the moment
but it remains powerless to make the moment last it only amplifies the memory which in turn makes the moment more elusive it only brings to our consciousness that the moment has slipped away and continues to slip away beyond our reach it only represents the beauty and majesty of the Creator and brings us face to face with this mysterious transient thing that we call life which i think is why an old stoic and wise man once said
It is better to go to a home where there is mourning than to one where there is a party, because the living should always remind themselves that death is waiting for us all. Sorrow is better than laughter; it may sadden your face, but it sharpens your understanding. Someone who is always thinking about happiness is a fool. A wise person thinks about death. *
a bit dark
i suppose
but also true
pondering impermanence stills our striving for things that do not last heals our hearts of passions that never satisfy pauses our pride in who we think we are
so i will welcome the loud colors let the moments slip away even as i too am slipping away following the crimson and deep blue colors pondering the promises of a heavenly voice
He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. **
like trying to hold the sands of the shore moments slipping away swallowed by tide and time like jumping high to swing from the clouds only to fall through the sky i tried to keep a moment or two
like a sunset over a soybean field or at the end of the road or a monochrome lighthouse showing the way to giant icicles on climbing day or two little girls on a summer swing with nana in the middle all is well or a grand city that rises and falls while a grand old bridge anchors it all or our two sons walking by the river or coffee starlings dancing in the air safe from the wind farm or the fire in the sky above a river flowing like time through fields and towns and seasons and lives until it joins the the moments in the sea and sand that still are slipping through my hands
if i were only able to walk i would roam to the sea to the top of the mountains and to the deep forest trees if i were only able to run i would chase the sunset win the race to the sunrise run after all the colors of the skies and if i could fly well if i could fly and soar i would explore the world with the power of my wings as i listened to the sky colors sing never again to walk or run i would fly with the sun ascend to the stars and oh the songs i would sing as i fly and carry the moon on my wings
sometimes i need to find the time and silence to unwind these coils of lies these shackles of shame and the commotion in my soul so i sit in slow motion while i name each derision and consciously make the decision to breathe in the Light of the World and exhale all these false tales that shield my heart from receiving the love on the Cross He is bleeding for me losing His life to save my own taking my sin calling it His own this Christmas child a King has come to reign through love and set me free from the insanity of my own making so like these winter trees i’ll surrender the leaves those colors were so nice but it’s just a show so i’ll let them go and die to what i think i know will set me free and stay here in the mystery of winter’s necessary death it won’t last long so with each breath i’ll wait and sing a song to the Christmas King as He works in my soul and rights all wrongs He is my healer my story writer and life giver i’ll wait while He does some slow motion mending old things must have an ending to make room for the new
i wonder what she’s praying for she’s pleading for she’s kneeling for i wonder what this child of God is asking of her Lord
perhaps for peace inside her soul and in this world and in this world perhaps for peace inside your soul won’t you plead with her now
perhaps for love inside her soul and in your heart and in your heart perhaps for love inside her soul won’t you plead with her now
i wonder what she’s praying for she’s pleading for she’s kneeling for i wonder what this child of God is asking of her Lord
perhaps for rest from all her pain from all her pain from all her pain perhaps for rest for you and me from all the pain we feel
perhaps for pardon from her sins from her sins from her sins perhaps for pardon for your sins won’t you implore with her now
i wonder what she’s praying for she’s pleading for she’s kneeling for i wonder what this child of God is asking of her Lord
i wonder if we all could kneel we all could kneel we all could kneel i wonder if we all could kneel and join her right now cry out with her now be humble with her now be a child of God right now
i don't know about you but there is so much i need to say goodbye to i'll welcome the endings practice some surrendering
it's hard to study all the expectations that are now a pile of eliminations i thought this or that would be the life i would have releasing longings into the fiery ending of this day i guess it will be okay
turns out being free is not about me trying to step aside God are you tired of hearing about my pride set is ablaze like the end of this day i'm tired of getting my way
love and hope sin and shadow peace and stillness heartache and sorrow is there a place deep in the marrow of my soul where all the counterpoint of being human is awakened restored and rises whole
saying goodbye to all that tethers me to this dirt i'd rather stiffen my neck than lift up my eyes stand on my own than fall to my knees search me and know my heart let all the parts of me that you see with grace and mercy
This year, April/May rains give way to an “it’s as dry and hot as August” June and early July. The rebellious corn paid no attention to the high temperatures and arid conditions. You could practically hear the fields defiantly celebrating and shouting, “Knee high by the 4th of July! We did it!”
For years now I have been riding my motorcycle through the vast corn and soybean fields in the northern plains of Illinois. When the corn is proud and adorned with tassels, it feels like you’re surfing along ocean waves of green and gold as the wind turns the stalks into an emerald sea with “goldcaps” worthy of carrying, or capsizing, any sea vessel.
One of my favorite rides is heading north on U.S. Route 52. To be more precise, Route 52 follows a northwest, southeast orientation. Taking it northwest, towards the Mississippi River, I marvel at how the landscape lets go of the plains and clothes itself with gentle, rolling hills that can feature fantastic vistas of endless farm land, farm houses, and corn silos. My destination: Savanna, IL.
On this 4th of July ride it is almost too hot to ride. Bright, blinding sunlight bounces off of everything, giving the world a washed out, desaturated feel. It feels good to finally make it to the river. Savanna has a simple riverfront, with a boat launch and a path along the banks of the river.
I find a bench and, as I sat, I noticed an older gentleman sitting to my left at a covered picnic table. I kept my foam ear plugs in and enjoy an apple and some cold water. I couldn’t have been on the bench for more than 3 minutes when muffled words breach my consciousness and I turn to see the older looking gentleman walking towards me, greeting me, and taking a seat right next to me. His bright blue eyes match his blue jeans and blue plaid shirt.
“Are you from this area?”
“No. I am about two and a half hours from home. I ride a motorcycle and come here often to enjoy the river.”
And that’s how my connection with Richard began. I say connection instead of conversation, because that’s what happened. We connected. Of course, we had a pleasant conversation, but it was the connection that turned this 4th of July ride into a delightful memory and meeting.
Richard is 82. He tells me he is related to many, if not most, of the people in the county. His family came to the US by boat from Germany. His dad was a farmer. He has two brothers: one is a preacher, the other is a teacher, and Richard was the farmer.
He tells me he comes to the river to talk, because he is alone now.
Of all the scenes of his life that he shared – I mean, how much can two old guys cover while they talk along the banks of the Mississippi River on a hot 4th of July? – it was his recounting of his marriage to his wife that I found so captivating.
“What is your wife’s name?,” I ask.
“Twila. Not many people named Twila anymore.”
“No… not anymore. Such a pretty name.”
He tells me that Twila passed away 4 years ago and that she battled cancer for most of their life together. His life included countless trips to the emergency room, endless doctor visits and arranging for help to take care of Twila at home. He speaks with no regret, or bitterness in his tone.
He recalls taking riverboat rides with Twila and their friends. I comment on how Twila must have been quite a force to be reckoned with and he tells me the doctors all said the same thing.
I don’t know how long we talked about Twila, grandkids, our own kids, and a number of other topics, but suddenly he looked at his watch and said, “Well. I’m going to go eat some potato salad.”
I gently placed my hand on his shoulder and said, “Can I pray for you Richard?”
I told him earlier that I was a “preacher” like his brother, and that I have been pastoring for the past 20 years in a church in Minooka, IL.
We both bow our heads and I prayed for my new friend Richard.
Here is a bit of what I remember of my prayer: I am thankful for my new friend, Richard… I am grateful for the love and care that he faithfully gave Twila and how his example is helpful for me and a legacy for his family… I pray that he will continue to bear his loneliness with the same grace that he brings to connections along the banks of the river…
After a pause, I say Amen. We both lifted our heads and opened our eyes at the same time. His tears are flowing and make his blue eyes sparkle even more. We just look at each other in silence for a moment. I gently place my hand on his shoulder and simply say, “Life is hard.”
We both shake our heads in silent agreement. He rises and walks to his vehicle.
I wipe away my tears, filled with gratitude for a chance to connect to such a wonderful man. I make a commitment in my heart to do the best I can to welcome and connect to anyone that God brings my way. Because sometimes I fail to do so. Spectacularly so. That will be the topic of my next post.
The last three posts have been about images from my time in New York. Specifically, a meditation on my home and family on Long Island, and my stroll across the Brooklyn Bridge. This post contains a few “leftovers” from my time in Lower Manhattan and features The Oculus and a single subway image. If you enter “Oculus” in the search box to the left you can check out my other images of the amazing Oculus.
I have been on a three month sabbatical that will end at the end of July. One of my goals during this time was to spend time in New York with my dad and siblings. My previous post came out of my time in New York. In all the years spent growing up on Long Island, and then years going back to visit New York – we have lived in the Midwest since 1988 – I never walked across the Brooklyn Bridge. So, I decided to take a stroll on that beautiful bridge. Here is what I saw, part 1. Thanks for stopping by.
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