A few weeks ago we celebrated the 36th birthday of our oldest son in Chicago. We were married when we were 12, so we are not THAT old! 🙂 We enjoyed a wonderful dinner. It was my first time trying a tuna steak that was rare in the middle. Delicious! After dinner, our son suggested we take a walk over to the Up Room at The Robey, a beautiful Art Deco building built circa 1929. We were so glad we did! It was a beautiful summer evening in Chicago.

Thanks for stopping by.

if a person’s heart breaks into pieces
and gets lost is the dark abyss
of depression and grief
and no one is there
what will that heart believe
about the world
and those who say
i’m your family
your friend

if a mind is fractured
scattered shattered
and full of noise
and no one is there
to listen
to be close
to wait
as long as the storm lasts
until the light breaks the night
what will that mind understand
what will that mind believe
about people
about this world

if a person is at the edge
their heads
so heavy in their hands
their pulse impossibly accelerated
their body rigid and tense
every muscle screaming

stop

and no one is there
to hold them
hear them
believe them
what then
________________________

May is Mental Health Awareness month, at least here in the States. Do you need help? You are not alone. I don't want you to go another minute without assistance and encouragement. 
Contact a local counseling professional, a pastor, or feel free to contact me on the left side of my blog.

I took a picture of the pin oak in our front yard because I felt bad that I was cross with this beautiful tree. Usually, it keeps most of its leaves through winter, but this week it quickly surrendered many of its leaves to the breezes of the day. After a considerably long, reluctant dance with my rake, I looked up and saw this. I took a moment to join this beautiful tree, as we both enjoyed the cold, leaf scented air as the sky showed us how it would close this day. Grateful.

tragic
insanity
i
can’t
breathe

stunned
disbelief
heart
shattered

no
place
to
hold
any
of
this

sorrow
upon
sorrow
please
wake
me
up

darkness
wailing
misery
descending

i’m
so
sorry
wordless
pain
engulfs
everything

hands
on
my
ears
sill
hear
the
cries

hands
on
my
eyes
still
see
their
eyes

hands
on
my
mouth
still
see
the
screams

is
this
who
we
are
is
this
who
i
am

oh
God
of
mercy
please
have
mercy

we
are
all
falling
fallen

tumbling
crying
retching
dying

oh
God
of
mercy

please

have

mercy

My mom passed away. She was 97. My mom and dad were married for 64 years. She has left a legacy of love… a rich, tender love, freely shared with family, friends and the stranger.

husband
father
provider
papa
great papa
dad
caregiver

for years
he’s been by her side
coffee in the morning
every meal
prepared with pride
keeping track
of all the meds
cleaning and cooking
making the bed
letting go of self
in untold ways
after retirement dreams
placed on the shelf
he tries his best
and without rest
he serves her
he loves her

caregiver
such a lonely place
none will ever know
nor can ever trace
the chores
and trips to the stores
how patiently
he listens
in the bickering
it’s sometimes hard
to keep emotions
in line
still he sighs
and tries to understand
tries to let it go
tries to show
that it’s okay
really
i don’t think
he would want it
any other way
just the other day
he said
“after all she’s done for me i serve her”

real men
like my dad
realize that it’s
not what you have
it’s not what you take
or what you win
or what you gain
it’s losing yourself
to serve another
denying yourself
to comfort another
love is not a word
it’s washing her feet
helping her dress
cleaning the mess
changing the sheets
and all rest
that won’t
fit on this page

some might say
he is a hero
bigger than life
exemplary
extraordinary
and they would be right
but i think in the end
my dad loves his wife
his precious friend
it’s Freddy and Carmen
with love in their hearts
right from the start
they meant it
till death do us part
he’s still serving his bride

still
by
her
side