where is heart of the church the part that heals and feels pain and seeks to secure the good of the poor the stranger the unnoticed we pursue innovation but we need renovation of the inside of our soul the content of our heart so we can be a part of redeeming all that fell and all the hell in and around us as well
it is time to rebuild to be still to make a decision of the will to put on the Lord Jesus clothed in grace we move into the world that God so loved that he gave and embrace the stranger welcome the foreigner we face our flaws surrender our rights and set our sights on washing feet extending a hand we stand as ambassadors of the Way and we stay we forgive today we live not for ourselves but for those in need for those who cry and die alone for those who cry without a home
what has gone wrong that we have become a resounding gong we sing all those sunday songs and harbor hate hold a grudge belittle our spouse to name just a few and hide in the house of our pride we mock and scorn an opposing view and then we lock our soul in the rigid soil of i must win and we stew in the cauldron of our sin
Holy Spirit enter into the dark hidden sins for we are clanging cymbals who serve and sing and teach we study read and systematically arrange our grand theology and solve the mysteries give knowledge increase but we are just running from what is the greatest of these we are nothing without love
renovate our mind restore our heart we have made such a mess let us be people of kindness taking our place in rhythms of grace walking talking and loving as if we really believe that he has Risen
I cannot recall a time when I felt more proud and profoundly sad – to the point of weeping – at the same time.
My mother and father were not wanted in the white suburban neighborhood that was the cultural context of my home. I only found out as an adult that my parents experienced racism. In junior high and high school I was often called a “spic” and also experienced racism.
My parents and the beautiful, crazy, loving till it hurt, generous, loud, FUNNY, hard working, intelligent, beautiful Puerto Rican family that I was a part of was the song, dance, and light of my life.
Dancing in the basement of my uncle’s house in the Bronx while LP’s spun Salsa music in the air are golden memories that I would love… just love to step into and experience once again… even if it was just 5 minutes to see what, as a boy, I could not fully comprehend: people filled with so much love and joy who were also familiar with heartache, tragedy, misery and pain.
And, if I could be there again… just for 5 minutes… I would embrace them all and thank them and praise them for all the goodness, kindness and love they gave to me. They certainly weren’t perfect… but they were present… to me, to each other, and they found solace and refuge in their culture. A culture that celebrates, rejoices, works so hard, laughs and loves. They understood that together we are family.
My mother and father are Americans who were born in Puerto Rico. In case you are not aware, Bad Bunny is also an American born in Puerto Rico. I am the first generation on my father’s side born in New York. I am also an American. I still remember the sadness in my mother’s eyes because she struggled to speak English. My mom and dad are the most American Americans that I will ever know. They never forgot who they were and the beauty and depth of the culture of La Isla del Encanto
For the past 2-3 weeks I have been listening to Bad Bunny’s Grammy Award winning album, Debí Tirar Más Fotos. The songs feel like the soundtrack of my life. I could not be more proud to be Puerto Rican.
I was told that we are “…one nation, under God, INDIVISIBLE with LIBERTY and JUSTICE for ALL.” We can only make that pledge with integrity if we make it our mission. We can only make that pledge with honesty if that is how we choose to live and love others, especially those from all the nations that make up our nation. It seems that our behavior and our chosen allegiances reveal a different pledge: “…a nation, under siege from within, with liberty and justice for some…”
When Bad Bunny ended his amazing performance with “Together We are America” and the parade of flags from Latin American nations I began to think of the nations that make up our nation. I see no reason not to celebrate and learn about the nations that make up our nation, because together we are America. I see no reason not to listen, empathize and give liberty and justice for those who are marginalized, forced to live in fear, or just trying to make their way because they struggle with English, because together we are America. I see no reason not to dance, sing and celebrate my heritage and culture in the land of the free(?) because together we are America.
Thank you, mom and dad, for loving well. Thank you for being brave, strong and true to who you are in the midst of racism and hatred. Thank you for making life not about those who hate, but about passing on your heritage and legacy of laughter and love.
One day, when God gives justice and all is made right, our nation’s flag and pledge will no longer matter. It will be irrelevant. All nations will surrender before the true King of Kings. All nations will bow before the majesty and splendor of the victorious Savior of the world. We can celebrate all nations now because the nations will be welcome in eternity. Not just one nation. All nations.
I did not see a temple in the city, because the Lord God Almighty and the Lamb are its temple. The city does not need the sun or the moon to shine on it, for the glory of God gives it light, and the Lamb is its lamp. The nations will walk by its light, and the kings of the earth will bring their splendor into it. On no day will its gates ever be shut, for there will be no night there. The glory and honor of the nations will be brought into it. Revelation 21:22-26
every moment is in the past every experience dissolves into a memory as soon as a moment in time arrives it retreats into yesterday the crimson and deep blue sea colors of a sunrise merge with a new day and they quietly disappear after loudly announcing the gift of a new day a photograph tries to stretch the brevity of the moment
but it remains powerless to make the moment last it only amplifies the memory which in turn makes the moment more elusive it only brings to our consciousness that the moment has slipped away and continues to slip away beyond our reach it only represents the beauty and majesty of the Creator and brings us face to face with this mysterious transient thing that we call life which i think is why an old stoic and wise man once said
It is better to go to a home where there is mourning than to one where there is a party, because the living should always remind themselves that death is waiting for us all. Sorrow is better than laughter; it may sadden your face, but it sharpens your understanding. Someone who is always thinking about happiness is a fool. A wise person thinks about death. *
a bit dark
i suppose
but also true
pondering impermanence stills our striving for things that do not last heals our hearts of passions that never satisfy pauses our pride in who we think we are
so i will welcome the loud colors let the moments slip away even as i too am slipping away following the crimson and deep blue colors pondering the promises of a heavenly voice
He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. **
i wonder what she’s praying for she’s pleading for she’s kneeling for i wonder what this child of God is asking of her Lord
perhaps for peace inside her soul and in this world and in this world perhaps for peace inside your soul won’t you plead with her now
perhaps for love inside her soul and in your heart and in your heart perhaps for love inside her soul won’t you plead with her now
i wonder what she’s praying for she’s pleading for she’s kneeling for i wonder what this child of God is asking of her Lord
perhaps for rest from all her pain from all her pain from all her pain perhaps for rest for you and me from all the pain we feel
perhaps for pardon from her sins from her sins from her sins perhaps for pardon for your sins won’t you implore with her now
i wonder what she’s praying for she’s pleading for she’s kneeling for i wonder what this child of God is asking of her Lord
i wonder if we all could kneel we all could kneel we all could kneel i wonder if we all could kneel and join her right now cry out with her now be humble with her now be a child of God right now
sometimes it feels like i don’t know anymore can you point me to the exit door i thought it would be the tribe that had the right vibe or the cool cause would become my why but I find myself asking why the night seems darker and all the sides just lie messages dance and prance through the social media sphere shouting the truth is here the truth is here the truth is here what you see is what is true period what i see is false period we’re both right we’re both wrong period so we sing our song loud and proud and if you won’t sing along and if I won’t play cancel cancel cancel we say but i am here and so are you maybe the push to win is just polished acceptable sin i’m trying to see to open my heart to start a conversation to lay down my weapons to deal with me to recognize what’s inside this flawed broken man learning to stand on my knees dear God help me please to realize that there is no prize waiting for any side when we choose to erase a person who has or doesn’t have faith we all bear His image we all need a center it can’t be me it can’t be you the Creator’s justice His love and grace is solid and true for me for you the human race needs to slow down and embrace our limited sight our twisted mind and instead taste and see He is good He is good He is good you and i are not the answer to the problems we’ve made it’s the enemy within this fractured soul that needs redemption to be made whole what if we stopped stealing the healing with all our shouting and screaming and in stillness and silence we met our Creator and finally meet ourselves as we really are and quietly pray change me change me change me
This blog has been quiet lately because we sold our home and moved to a new home! The new house is about 8 miles from our old house. We have been talking about downsizing for a few years now and… here we are! Packing up 20 years of living is crazy! We are grateful. Recently someone asked if I miss our old house. My reply, “Not at all.” However, I didn’t expect it to be so hard to say goodbye to our dining table. I helped the family who purchased our table and hutch by dismantling as much of the table as I could. When they took the table top out, the tears suddenly came.
a sturdy table how many times did we say grace a setting a space for us just to be… us
conversations confessions interactions admissions revelations contrition a table is set and becomes the place where all the weight of grave and gold stories are told and the broken bread leaves a trail leading to baby cries spaghetti on the floor broken family ties a spilled drink someone’s at the door embraces of grace birthday candles graduation cake love is a messy thing it’s a long dangerous journey of faith hope and love
homework and coffee thanksgiving turkey deep, endless laughter tears and the dread of uncertainty are served alongside a heap of understanding conflict and honesty
i was surprised when the tears appeared as the table was hauled away i wondered would they take away the echoes of our conversations the forgiveness that we found the acceptance that we gave the hurt that was served the pain that was assuaged
it’s called downsizing but my tears are singing a different tune my soul is filled my hearts breaks somewhere along the fault line of gratitude and lament time to reset the table of my heart a place of welcome peace family love
in and around this tattered old town nestled in the state of my mind taking a stroll on the pathways through my soul standing on the corner i see memories of younger days melodies of different ways on a street named regret at the corner of joy looking for an answer or two reaching for something true since i was a boy
acceptance forgiveness and gratitude my heart yearns for something more than the sum total of my days so i set my gaze on things above the unseen real unfailing love
and i wait
and choose to be still
as the sun
settles down
on this old tattered town
i welcome
the end of this day
knowing it is the only way
to a new dawn
another pathway
hidden in the Light
safe in Him
i rise
i am safe in Him
i’ll rise
sometimes it doesn't feel like anything is rising in me held inside this gravity on my knees i just can’t see how why or when
life can be an in between a canyon of waiting in the unseen is there another side to this pain another way to restore loss laughter or song
O Light of the world color my soul shine into these old tears bring your radiance into my fears and all this uncertainty would you carry it for me i believe you know the why i trust you will show me how i let this sunrise fill the eyes of my heart and i cry for a morning with no more tears no more pain until then i wait and sing a sad song to say thank you i know you are here
i’m trying to let go sometimes surrendering doesn’t fit all the shoulds i’m chasing
you see i have this life equation that should equal the sum total of all my expectations of how it all should unfold and then i see it unravel everywhere and nowhere i want to be
i’m trying to let go after all we will all one day let go of everything so why do i try to hang on to so much
like my pride why didn’t you take my side i can only see the me side of you
like still holding onto my right and i’m right and you’re not i can’t see how dark and confusing i make it for you
like when i hold onto my disengaged attitude pushing you away silencing your voice you’re not real you don’t really know what you feel so let me tell you
like when i hold onto my fear i don’t think you’ll stay here if you see the real in me
God help me to let go and to know that even when i fall that i am descending into freedom decreasing into the fullness of who you made me to be
rutakintome pictures 
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