open my eyes and let me see the impact of me in the eyes of those i say i love in the face of the stranger in the heart of my friends help me see my flaws help me see my brokenness help me see the fractures and inconsistencies in me that i so readily ignore but call out in others
dear God may the tone of my words carry grace acceptance and peace let my heart be open to know when to engage and when to disengage always with kindness and gentleness and help me love with listening help me love with understanding help me love with an other-centered spirit help me to love as you reveal me to me
am i descending or ascending is this praying or just doing my own thing cradling my heavy head in my tear stained palms i think this time it will be different my life will change my heart will finally be rearranged only to realize that even if my knees were nailed to the earth i stubbornly refuse to bend my will instead i choose to stand in shame is this my heart rising to our Father who art in heaven or am i running stumbling down into myself help me be free let my eyes see and may my ears listen to the sheer silence of your kindness open this heart mend my mind in love mercy and forgiveness i want to rise so help me bow down be still let go and listen to the sheer silence of your kindness
i don't know about you but there is so much i need to say goodbye to i'll welcome the endings practice some surrendering
it's hard to study all the expectations that are now a pile of eliminations i thought this or that would be the life i would have releasing longings into the fiery ending of this day i guess it will be okay
turns out being free is not about me trying to step aside God are you tired of hearing about my pride set is ablaze like the end of this day i'm tired of getting my way
love and hope sin and shadow peace and stillness heartache and sorrow is there a place deep in the marrow of my soul where all the counterpoint of being human is awakened restored and rises whole
saying goodbye to all that tethers me to this dirt i'd rather stiffen my neck than lift up my eyes stand on my own than fall to my knees search me and know my heart let all the parts of me that you see with grace and mercy
sons and brothers brothers and sons may you carry well the love i tried to share with you magnify any wisdom you may have seen or heard please forgive me when you were young i was trying to figure it out too and it still feels like i am beginning
and now you walk together and can see more as you share the path tell each other the story of your movements through this world and through my shadows you may see me as i hoped to be as i was and as i am
know i hold you both the breadth and length of you stories are tucked away in my heart an endless album of images and melodies from the day the music of your tears announced your birth to this moment as you read these words i hold you both in love in honor with pride with joy my sons my dear sons love one another
we sing of a silent night and of a Wonderful Counselor born on a bleak mid-winter of starry skies and angel choirs while rushing here and late again there parties and gatherings there’s so much left on our lists
we want Christmas in our culture but is Christ in our hearts buy now pay later real time tracking replaces real time reflecting pondering the Prince of Peace Immanuel God with us
we wail and cry for the suffering in this world while we pass by the violence we commit against ourselves we stream and binge have another drink or two or we click buy now pushing the pain away hoping this shallow happiness will stay even though we know it’s just a matter of time before that dark cold low presses on our chest so we keep doing maybe later later we will rest
the hope of the world this baby boy born into the icy darkness of our souls is He welcome in the home of your heart
the light of the world born into the chaos that is our pain do we surrender to His invitation filled with grace and truth
for He entered into our suffering He walked this place of sorrows the Creator holds the universe in the palm of his tiny hands
O Jesus little baby boy hold me help me have mercy on me
taking time to just be on this gentle quiet morning by the sea
soothing waves share their melodies as soft hues of morning light fall upon the endless sand and fill my eyes with stilled wonder
i try to look down into the deep of my own heart and feel the sad songs find the gifts of grace stay in anger’s embrace pray for resurrection to race through the turmoil and the pain lift me higher again so i can return to You and in so doing return to me
slowly the luminance of the colors rise across the sky as the colors of love wash over me eternity is in my heart thankful for each crazy part of this thing called life
and i find that i’m choosing to let it all in i stand in the light while i’m feeling the pain that keeps falling like rain on my story again and the clouds crowd my soul so i let it all go carried on whispered prayers with hands pleading lifted in unspoken longings eyes searching for some kind of answer in this darkened light embracing the rain and the clouds and all the unseen running into the light as it reaches all that’s been perhaps a lament or two will see me through the paradox of this impermanent journey a time for everything and everything in time i’ll welcome the longing with singing celebrate the love with understanding that all is fading into unending yesterdays and the clouds crowd my soul so i let it all go and i’ll walk towards the light keep my eyes on things above and choose to love here below and let it all go through trembling whispers of faith until i find my way home with some amazing grace
i haven’t thought this all the way through but i thought i’d share it with you i’ll start with a question or two do you see beauty around you do you see beauty within
colors and clouds shout out loud the sky canvas telling us connecting us to deeper fairer things do you see do you see
the beauty within you are an image bearer you are the only you but let’s set pride aside perfection does not reside inside His favor abides you are His child His creation
do you see beauty around you beauty within we are all a glorious ruin we are lost but we can see blind but we can be found do you see do you see
new life still all this strife new opportunity same entropy new start still in bed new attitude still no gratitude new insights still trying to fight new word still not listening new day same old ways new light still seeking shadows new colors same monochromatic soul new gifts same folded arms
for you
on this day
right now
new grace
boundless love
endless mercy
a Cross to bear
with an everlasting Companion
unmerited forgiveness
an endless sunrise
can be yours
receive
be centered
through surrender
be free
through confession
be at rest
through acceptance
come home
it is finished lay down your shame take up your hope lift up your head receive your identity and rise
opened my eyes some time at the gym took a look inside silence and stillness with Him and the eastern sky beckoned with colors and i don’t know why at times i want to hide and don’t want to discover i’d rather not uncover the true that’s in me
i need to confess these silhouettes that i present as real why do i fight why can it be so hard to walk towards the Light and be healed and stand in His grace i know shame goes away don't have to hide my face in the welcome of His mercy
shine oh please shine in me i do what’s old in me and don’t do from what i claim is new so please shine and let this new day remind my heart my soul my mind that you are with me you are beneath me before and behind me you are all around me i’ll take another step toward the light not by sight by faith i’ll wait because you are with me
rutakintome pictures 
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