and i find that i’m choosing to let it all in i stand in the light while i’m feeling the pain that keeps falling like rain on my story again and the clouds crowd my soul so i let it all go carried on whispered prayers with hands pleading lifted in unspoken longings eyes searching for some kind of answer in this darkened light embracing the rain and the clouds and all the unseen running into the light as it reaches all that’s been perhaps a lament or two will see me through the paradox of this impermanent journey a time for everything and everything in time i’ll welcome the longing with singing celebrate the love with understanding that all is fading into unending yesterdays and the clouds crowd my soul so i let it all go and i’ll walk towards the light keep my eyes on things above and choose to love here below and let it all go through trembling whispers of faith until i find my way home with some amazing grace
remembering letting go surrendering finding slow winter’s cold a memory blooming color here comes summer seasons in my heart some things i can start again and some well they just are
moments in the sun will soon run away colors will fall winter will howl lonely branches will soon help me see
so i explore the seasons in my life some things must die some things bring so many whys
but with each blossom all this beauty wrapped up tightly waiting to spring i surrender let go and find some slow and sing
a slow meandering upon the ancient sands the sea reminding me how small i truly am and that’s totally okay
much more behind me than before me a few less steps remain the waves will sing long after my last breath
sometimes i just want to stop and join the clouds and sea just melt into the horizonless dance and stay listen and pray it can all feel so weary
still i journey on back to go forward reaching into the ocean of stories looking for that perfect shell listening for all is well remembering the glory still to come
yesterdays just fly away even memories are fading is anyone staying we are alone ever together with our life and with others we are alone
new life still all this strife new opportunity same entropy new start still in bed new attitude still no gratitude new insights still trying to fight new word still not listening new day same old ways new light still seeking shadows new colors same monochromatic soul new gifts same folded arms
for you
on this day
right now
new grace
boundless love
endless mercy
a Cross to bear
with an everlasting Companion
unmerited forgiveness
an endless sunrise
can be yours
receive
be centered
through surrender
be free
through confession
be at rest
through acceptance
come home
it is finished lay down your shame take up your hope lift up your head receive your identity and rise
we used to gather to remain in the vine neighbor sister brother mother father singing our songs Kyrie eleison standing room only we were searching for Holy, Holy, Holy in a time of upheaval we found comfort in the cathedral of our hearts in the neighborhood sanctuary
candles prayers stained glass windows used to tell our stories guiding us toward glory dazzling testimonies told in fragile colors we were lost but we found each other and we found our heavenly Father Kyrie eleison
now just silent songs unsung melodies broken monochrome glass and look the vines enter in perhaps searching for souls maybe a prayer or two God make all this old to be new and begin in me please, Lord tell a story of your glory through all that is shattered in me as i sing the ancient song
sing a canticle with me a little music a melody to try and defy all this gravity that will soon silence the tune of my life and i’ll be done with all this strife
when you press a key a silent symphony will rise and the veil will be removed from my eyes
oh to be free and be at rest one day when this instrument has seen it’s years all will be new no more tears its true
so sing out loud i was lost now i’m found and peace will be my everyday i’ll let go of all that i can see i will be free dismantled and transformed
in the endless Light i’ll join the endless song and all my days will be a canticle of praise will you come with me what do you see in the eternity He has placed inside let go of pride and sing a canticle with me a little music a melody let’s defy all this gravity
like a black sea stretching out before me all this mystery of what is yet to be all that i cannot see
like a black sky slowly descending over me telling shadow stories all i cannot hide a dark gray canopy made up of all my whys
oh Lord and Light guide me on my way help me navigate this story through the night waiting for the day longing for all made right for the unseen real to replace what all the senses feel
like a dark wave swallowing up my soul all the doubt and shame why must it be this way growing old is growing close to a different shore to so much more than the sum of my failures or anything labeled a success it’s all just a mess
oh Lord and Light i’m grateful that you gave me sight for this mess that i call my life for you carried me you saw me you ransomed me so i’ll follow you i’ll turn to you surrender to you and let you tell me who i am for you are love and far above this darkened sky and far below this blackened sea your glory and light your power and might the Lord and Light is with me in me all around me
sometimes i wonder where it all came apart where the promises and love songs withered and sighed the radio station otherwise known as our lives just plays static the noise of our brokenness the crackle of our selfishness
sometimes i wonder where all that love went to hide where the feelings and tryings the caring that was dying before our once hope filled eyes is that love buried beneath the winter of our self-protection will there ever be a springtime of affections sunshine to melt the hardness to take back all the words that tore apart the fragile fabric otherwise known as our lives do shreds of tenderness remain i see tattered threads of holding hands i think i can make out a long lost embrace
sometimes i wonder if all these thoughts colliding in my mind can make sense of anything at all why did i say that why didn’t i tell you why did i hide why didn’t i leave you alone why did i remain silent why did i scream i have so much on repeat in my head longing to find that clue that tiny missed detail to unlock the best of us
i love you i said it but you saw through all i insisted was true and i couldn't carry the weight of what it meant to be we us together our true selves as one in the story otherwise known as our lives
a frosty cold dawn a gray featureless sky feels just like me today there’s a frozen mist sprinkled on the ground it’s a monochrome morning a colorless song that sounds like me today so i guess i’ll take the Christmas tree down
Christmas carols echo in my living room the grandkids laughing wrapping paper tearing meals we were just sharing are now memories and there’s something sad in me at the end of 2023 so i guess i’ll take the Christmas tree down
a quiet end of the season a gentle closing of the year and for no particular reason a tear appears and it’s okay the past three sixty-five well… let’s just say it can be hard to be alive there have been days of good cheer sorrow and struggle too said a final good-bye to mom and then there are the fractures in the family feeling all the anxiety and those whispers of failure just rise amidst an endless ostinato of whys so i guess i’ll take the Christmas tree down
a plastic stained glass window with a little boy in prayer amber crystal beads a shiny red ball from Macy’s a tiny wooden christmas tree a three story ceramic house a quiet Christmas mouse glimmering shimmering sparkling dazzling all are put to rest almost done there’s just one the last ornament
it’s a smiling angel holding a star with colored gems for wings so there i stand with this angel in my hand i can almost hear it sing a song of grace a melody of peace a smiling angel in my hand helps me know i’m in His hand so i hum a tune i can’t remember which one but i remember the fractures and failures are held in His hand too all our fractures all our failures so grateful He holds them grateful He knows them thanks for listening i’m done taking the Christmas tree down
this Christmas may your soul shine as you take time to reflect on God above and love your family and see your story is from His hand of love
for you are here and His Light is near so lay those burdens down this tiny Child is here for you so put away the frowns and rest in His light rest in His peace rest in His joy may you be free and not anxious for you are precious for you are here and His Light is near for you are loved from above He came to be with you
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