in and around this tattered old town nestled in the state of my mind taking a stroll on the pathways through my soul standing on the corner i see memories of younger days melodies of different ways on a street named regret at the corner of joy looking for an answer or two reaching for something true since i was a boy
acceptance forgiveness and gratitude my heart yearns for something more than the sum total of my days so i set my gaze on things above the unseen real unfailing love
and i wait
and choose to be still
as the sun
settles down
on this old tattered town
i welcome
the end of this day
knowing it is the only way
to a new dawn
another pathway
hidden in the Light
safe in Him
i rise
i am safe in Him
i’ll rise
something solid something sure at the beginning of the end and i am feeling insecure what will it take for this heart to settle down i think it’s something solid something sure
something that lasts something i can count on i can’t seem to stop surrendering to the stories i tell myself no happy endings why am i spending time in all the shadows won’t you tell me please what will it take for my mind to be at ease i think something that lasts something i can count on
something quiet something safe when it all unravels when the puzzle pieces don’t match the picture on the box what will it take for my soul to rest for my eyes to see i think it must be something quiet something safe
there is an old story of the Son of Man that abides through the centuries He walked upon the same ancient soil that i stumble upon His words true and sure pierce my heart and a small glowing calm lifts my head
for He was before and will always be His love is for all time and my mind can’t understand but i choose to anchor my thoughts to the peace of His everlasting wisdom His never ending love
and into all my searching in the midst of all the bingeing and the scrolling He shouts stillness into the noise of my life calming restoring reminding renewing resurrecting and singing over me the pain remains but i am unharmed confusion seems to hold sway but my fear is consoled by His presence beside me above me beneath me all around me there is a storm but He is
thinking about nothing at all while everything is running around in my mind getting acquainted with a dull ache emanating from somewhere in the middle of the center of the core of my tacet anxiety settling down into an emotional complacency trying to find some safety to make sense of it all Immanuel is sleeping in the boat while the weight of my heart makes every step so hard inches are like miles enclosed on every side by confusion and helplessness what can i offer what can i say what can i do awake my soul for the sleeping Man of Sorrows knows this storm my soul comes to rest on a cold lonely shore and i wait the winds and waves are His i wait
we sing of a silent night and of a Wonderful Counselor born on a bleak mid-winter of starry skies and angel choirs while rushing here and late again there parties and gatherings there’s so much left on our lists
we want Christmas in our culture but is Christ in our hearts buy now pay later real time tracking replaces real time reflecting pondering the Prince of Peace Immanuel God with us
we wail and cry for the suffering in this world while we pass by the violence we commit against ourselves we stream and binge have another drink or two or we click buy now pushing the pain away hoping this shallow happiness will stay even though we know it’s just a matter of time before that dark cold low presses on our chest so we keep doing maybe later later we will rest
the hope of the world this baby boy born into the icy darkness of our souls is He welcome in the home of your heart
the light of the world born into the chaos that is our pain do we surrender to His invitation filled with grace and truth
for He entered into our suffering He walked this place of sorrows the Creator holds the universe in the palm of his tiny hands
O Jesus little baby boy hold me help me have mercy on me
sometimes it doesn't feel like anything is rising in me held inside this gravity on my knees i just can’t see how why or when
life can be an in between a canyon of waiting in the unseen is there another side to this pain another way to restore loss laughter or song
O Light of the world color my soul shine into these old tears bring your radiance into my fears and all this uncertainty would you carry it for me i believe you know the why i trust you will show me how i let this sunrise fill the eyes of my heart and i cry for a morning with no more tears no more pain until then i wait and sing a sad song to say thank you i know you are here
the Light chases us even through a dense darkness a disorienting mist that surrounds our efforts to run towards anything that helps us to feel loved to feel free
the Light waits for us as we meander and stumble through grief and sorrow like a thick forest of tears you cut your way through angry branches and leaves of sadness but the forest closes in and muffles your weeping
the Light sees us even when we can’t breath and anxiety transforms the world into a tiny box from which we cannot escape and what we want more than anything is to be able to stretch out our hand so someone can take hold and guide us home
above beneath behind in front of every cry the Light
above beneath behind in front of all your sorrow the Light
above beneath behind in front of all your fear the Light
above beneath behind in front of you the Light a hand extended to guide you home a warm embrace to welcome you home
and there were threads in the garden and there were stars in the leaves and there jewels on the flowers and there were diamonds in the webs
and there were threads in my mind tethered to sorrow beauty lament wonder love
and there were stars in my heart sparkling memories regrets dreams loss hope
and there were jewels in my soul brilliantly reflecting the promises of my heavenly Papa the redemption of the Lamb the deliverance from the shadows of my brokenness
and there were diamonds all around family friends love companionship a smile an encouraging word gratitude melodies light beauty song
take a breath and close your eyes i’m praying that you’ll realize that it’s enough to just be you it will take time but i know you will shine so ease your mind and take my hand i will help you stand and stay with you i will listen to every word you say i promise it will be okay sometimes everything is gray so that we can grow into what we were made to be and i know you will shine it will take time but you will realize that it’s enough to just be you
standing still contemplating all the strategic decisions that brought me here ready to take a new step on the journey navigating this ocean of feelings the sadness just beneath the surface of it all how do we traverse the relational mines of this broken world no more pretending more unmasking what lies beneath the smiles and the tears so tired of defending time to stop protecting and submit to truth to words that may hurt but will heal the path to connection spend more time in reflection admitting all that’s wrong in me it’s so easy to live suppressing love and heartache stepping into releasing it all to Him embracing the journey inward not hiding what others see accepting all that is turning away from denying all that is the fog of reality is clearer that the seemingly serene shimmer of self-deception the crying is from the lying vulnerability is moving towards being free intimacy or distancing the choice is up to me to live in authenticity and humility is to break through the veneer of safety and i’m certain that certainty is not so certain after all faith requires the tension of a solid hope amidst the crazy of the now hate and willful ignorance are easy it’s love that is hard
still on the journey through achromatic beauty everything is okay no really it is well sort of i can’t make sense of a anything everything will be okay at least i hope it will but there is the now the inbetween the stumbling not quite sure which way to turn i recognize this strange space of uncertainty and stillness and i cry fast forwarding isn’t fun i cry feels like a lonely drowning i cry a jumbled pile of grief and loss wading through shattered hope and i cry God help me to accept the immovable reality of now and rest inhale exhale rest i cry
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