i’m on a lost and found table which means of course i know exactly where i am but no one else does
separated from certainty waiting to be recognized next to a gray hoodie and a pink water bottle adorned with barbie stickers and a pair of warby parker sun glasses
it’s funny how much stuff can go unnoticed and is apparently unwanted and how temporary and impossibly thin i can feel
like the shadow of a tree lengthening and diminishing as the sun welcomes the night
after all these years of waking up you realize that life is an apparition we are a mist on this earth
we toil and run sing and work dance and hate love and fret create and scream
and the theme of it all the ostinato beneath this journey is a longing that we know cannot be fulfilled while we are still here
we long to be free from being tethered to the soil and we know that we have been leaving since our story began we just want to stay
so instead of identifying where this longing leads we invest our souls in tiny pursuits expiration dates constrict all of our efforts to be known loved and declared worthy until we find ourselves on the lost and found table
screaming for someone to join our tribe yet afraid of losing our loneliness crying for justice and healing yet ignoring the wounds of our crumbling souls
i will be found
after all the warby parkers were picked up surely someone will will see me
barrenness is an opportunity to be filled is an opportunity to bless someone in need is an opportunity to be emptied of self is an opportunity to confront misplaced desires is an opportunity to know who you are is an opportunity to confess on your knees is an opportunity to find the way the truth and the life is an opportunity to have a reference point in the tumult of your soul is an opportunity to be still in the storm is an opportunity to let silence have its way is an opportunity to let go of this word is an opportunity to surrender your life is an opportunity to shelter beneath the shadow of His wings is an opportunity to gain everything is an opportunity to truly live is an opportunity to find your identity in the uncreated One is an opportunity to truly be alive
moments that make you stop press the brake turn off the engine witness ponder and weep and i must tell you why beholding beauty takes intentionality a decision to fight the pull of gravity the darkness of this world birthed of pride arrogance abides amidst the lies that sound so noble that sound so true but if your eyes are open you will see hidden in the gray light blind leaders with black souls immovable stubbornness meet resistance with persistent songs of hubris and insolence and lives are lost icy parades march on drones scream hearts go pale a son cannot hear his mother's wails and sighs a fatherless girl is forgotten lost in an ocean of why eyes taken from this world never to witness God’s lavish crimson stroke on a blue canvas Lord have mercy help me to remember
This is my Father’s world. O let me ne’er forget That though the wrong seems oft so strong, God is the ruler yet. This is my Father’s world: the battle is not done: Jesus Who died shall be satisfied, And earth and Heav’n be one.*
if the light can reach my soul then why can’t i find my way if the words can pierce my mind then why are there none to say if the room is filled with friends then why am i so alone if i just can’t see the end then where am i to go
if i can sing a melody of fire then why is it cold at night if i can walk along a distant shore then why am i sad and my eyes so dry if i can run into your arms then why is the path so long if i can wander in a field of memories then why do i awake forlorn
fly oh my soul fly the Light has come down for you guiding your searching soul His promises faithful and and true for they will mend and make you whole and remember the never-forsaking God is beside you let His embrace define you
fly oh my soul fly His fire will scatter the night stay on the sorrowful shore and raise your tears to the sky as you open your heart and let go of the why yes it’s narrow and steep so stay on your knees and fly oh my soul fly
What does the crucifixion and death of Jesus on the Cross say to our modern, latte driven, texting oriented, overscheduled lives?
One of my earliest memories as a child was the large Cross in the sanctuary of the church I grew up in. When I tell my story I talk about how I first heard God speak to me as I pondered the Cross. It was not an audible voice I heard. It was more like an understanding that gently covered me. Looking at the figure of an emaciated, gaunt, suffering Jesus nearly dangling on a cross is the most important moment and image any one of us will ever behold or contemplate.
It is there where the mystery of the love and mercy of God meets the sin and darkness in my soul. It is there where the whole world can find freedom and forgiveness and where God lifts the burden and pain of failure and shame from the back of our souls, and from the very core of our being.
I am not speaking of magic, or some metaphysical allegory that somehow heals my brokenness. The Cross is not a place upon which we toss our wishful thinking. Reject it, mock it, turn away from it in disbelief… its power and proclamation remains undiminished… unhindered:
He did not retaliate when he was insulted, nor threaten revenge when he suffered. He left his case in the hands of God, who always judges fairly.
He personally carried our sins in his body on the cross so that we can be dead to sin and live for what is right. By his wounds you are healed. Once you were like sheep who wandered away. But now you have turned to your Shepherd, the Guardian of your souls. – 1 Peter 2:23-25
The Cross is real. The suffering is unimaginable. In the course of human history no one has suffered like Jesus did. No one. Ever. Isaiah rightly describes Jesus and, apart from His grace and mercy, my response to Him. Our response to Him:
He was despised and rejected—a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief. We turned our backs on him and looked the other way. He was despised, and we did not care. – Isaiah 53:3
And it is the suffering of Jesus that, even as a young boy, called from deep within me a profound and unstoppable hope.
Look at the Cross. Reflect on the suffering of Jesus. This is what the love of God looks like. As a boy, I remember the light from the candles in St. Raphael’s parish dancing on the face of Jesus. Hope in flashes of flickering light on the crucified Christ. Now, so many years later, I realize that one of the many gifts of the suffering of Jesus is the assurance that he knows my suffering. He knows our suffering.
Have you ever been falsely accused? I bet you didn’t like it. Have you ever heard a friend make a promise to have your back and to see you through to the end, only to have that friend leave you all alone. All of Jesus’ friends did that to him. Have you ever felt that aweful deep down ache because you were misunderstood? Have you ever been physically struck and hurt because someone else thought it was funny? Have you ever been made fun of? Mocked? Have you ever experienced anxiety? Jesus sweated drops of blood as he prayed to His Father to, …take this cup from me.
Jesus chose to suffer for you. Now we can look to Him and ask Him to guide us, give us grace and help us in our suffering and pain. But we must follow Him. It is too easy to want resurrection – and all praise to God, for Jesus is alive. But the only road to life and the light of Christ is the road of suffering.
We must follow Him along the via Dolorosa. The release from our pain, the soothing of our anxiety, the healing of our bodies, the calming of our mind is along the path of darkness, uncertainty, disorientation, rejection and confusion. It is taking our Cross and following Jesus. It is kneeling beside Him in the garden and saying not my will, but yours be done.
Good Friday. 2026. The Cross of Jesus.
Will you reflect on the Cross today? Will you see Jesus suffering for you so that you, in the midst of heartache, loss, anxiety, rejection, and sorrow, can also experience the hope and understanding of our loving Savior?
Over the course of my life it seems that Jesus has continually reminded me of the grace, love and power of the Cross.
There was a Cross above us on the day we were married. I saw the Cross at the end of a pew in the sad remains of the church I grew up in. I saw the Cross in a small wooden prayer room decorated with the prayers of God’s children. I saw the Cross brightly break through a cold, winter morning. I saw the Cross on Salvation Mountain. I saw the Crosses that my mom placed all over her house. I saw the Cross in the midst of the tragic loss of life, when so much ended for so many. I saw the Cross in a new sanctuary. Still speaking to listening ears.
Ponder the Cross of Jesus. Let the Man of Sorrows cover your sin and shame. Walk with Him… listen to Him… confess your sins to Him… receive His forgiveness… He. Loves. You.
i’m on a road i think i’m in control i think i know where i need to go i think i can see i think i can find my way back home i think there’s nothing behind me so why am i surprised at the tears in my eyes trying to be free while looking for a sign to ease my mind as i struggle to leave behind all the troubled times i carry in my soul things said and done they take a toll make me want to run but i choose to stay and follow the Way i sing of amazing grace i sing through my tears of a perfect love that drives away fear as the rain plays a melody reminding me that i am not in control but i’m safe in the shadow of the wings of His love as i travel on my way home
where is heart of the church the part that heals and feels pain and seeks to secure the good of the poor the stranger the unnoticed we pursue innovation but we need renovation of the inside of our soul the content of our heart so we can be a part of redeeming all that fell and all the hell in and around us as well
it is time to rebuild to be still to make a decision of the will to put on the Lord Jesus clothed in grace we move into the world that God so loved that he gave and embrace the stranger welcome the foreigner we face our flaws surrender our rights and set our sights on washing feet extending a hand we stand as ambassadors of the Way and we stay we forgive today we live not for ourselves but for those in need for those who cry and die alone for those who cry without a home
what has gone wrong that we have become a resounding gong we sing all those sunday songs and harbor hate hold a grudge belittle our spouse to name just a few and hide in the house of our pride we mock and scorn an opposing view and then we lock our soul in the rigid soil of i must win and we stew in the cauldron of our sin
Holy Spirit enter into the dark hidden sins for we are clanging cymbals who serve and sing and teach we study read and systematically arrange our grand theology and solve the mysteries give knowledge increase but we are just running from what is the greatest of these we are nothing without love
renovate our mind restore our heart we have made such a mess let us be people of kindness taking our place in rhythms of grace walking talking and loving as if we really believe that he has Risen
every moment is in the past every experience dissolves into a memory as soon as a moment in time arrives it retreats into yesterday the crimson and deep blue sea colors of a sunrise merge with a new day and they quietly disappear after loudly announcing the gift of a new day a photograph tries to stretch the brevity of the moment
but it remains powerless to make the moment last it only amplifies the memory which in turn makes the moment more elusive it only brings to our consciousness that the moment has slipped away and continues to slip away beyond our reach it only represents the beauty and majesty of the Creator and brings us face to face with this mysterious transient thing that we call life which i think is why an old stoic and wise man once said
It is better to go to a home where there is mourning than to one where there is a party, because the living should always remind themselves that death is waiting for us all. Sorrow is better than laughter; it may sadden your face, but it sharpens your understanding. Someone who is always thinking about happiness is a fool. A wise person thinks about death. *
a bit dark
i suppose
but also true
pondering impermanence stills our striving for things that do not last heals our hearts of passions that never satisfy pauses our pride in who we think we are
so i will welcome the loud colors let the moments slip away even as i too am slipping away following the crimson and deep blue colors pondering the promises of a heavenly voice
He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. **
i wonder what she’s praying for she’s pleading for she’s kneeling for i wonder what this child of God is asking of her Lord
perhaps for peace inside her soul and in this world and in this world perhaps for peace inside your soul won’t you plead with her now
perhaps for love inside her soul and in your heart and in your heart perhaps for love inside her soul won’t you plead with her now
i wonder what she’s praying for she’s pleading for she’s kneeling for i wonder what this child of God is asking of her Lord
perhaps for rest from all her pain from all her pain from all her pain perhaps for rest for you and me from all the pain we feel
perhaps for pardon from her sins from her sins from her sins perhaps for pardon for your sins won’t you implore with her now
i wonder what she’s praying for she’s pleading for she’s kneeling for i wonder what this child of God is asking of her Lord
i wonder if we all could kneel we all could kneel we all could kneel i wonder if we all could kneel and join her right now cry out with her now be humble with her now be a child of God right now
you think the truth you spittin is hittin and all the while it’s missin the heart why don’t you start with the 2 x 4 stickin out your face you call it grace you say you love but it feels like a shove of theological grooves that in your mouth is just fake news we all got the blues we all need the truth take a look in the mirror are you clearer to you maybe you should go feel and find what you left behind there’s nothin new under that big bright star who do you think you are who do you think you are
start something new in me set me free to be restin instead of testin everybody’s this and that where am i at what am i going to be show me me show me me
you say you prayin but you just slayin throwin hollow verses that feel like curses and what’s worse is that when you done you done silence no presence silence no assistance silence no shoulder to cry on active love to rely on your logic doesn’t do a thing get in the ring and fight for the unseen the unnoticed are real whatever they see this world to be connection is what they need don’t log off when you have your say and just walk away why don’t you show up level up your argument is sound but your heart can’t be found you stand your ground as you ground others down
start something new in me set me free to be restin instead of testin everybody’s this and that where am i at what am i going to be show me me show me me
rutakintome pictures 
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