clouds

so i might as well
write about the clouds today
lately more than a few
have come my way
but
hey
why do i think
that it has to
always go
my way

clouds
gray
lately they seem to stay
these uninvited guests
well
even when i try my best
to pretend
they just won't rest
until tears reappear
tearing through
my gray
gray
mind
oh i wonder if
i will ever find
a way
through
all the clouds
and all
the
gray

oh cardinal
is there a prayer for me
wrapped up 
in all your music
and melody
through the gray
the notes they fly
to find the light
they tell my soul
that it’s okay
to take a stroll
through
all the clouds
and all
the
gray
and just stay
wait
and
pray

a sweet gentle hum

i am trying to remember
that song
i think it was a duet
before all went wrong
maybe in a minor key
a slow tempo
a slow dance
a sparkling melody
it definitely had harmony
how did that song go

or
more to the counterpoint
where did that song go
i touch a note
play a chord
i rise and fall each day
like a wandering tune
not quite on the beat
trying to see
trying to find
do re mi
trying to find
you and me

the lyrics
started out so sweet
a story of promises
a promise to keep
maybe the strings
had too much tension
maybe the strings
became unwound
wounds have a way
of making their own
sound
telling their own
tale
and they set sail
on an ocean
of i just don’t care
to sing anymore
i put too many quarters
in this silent jukebox
never going back to the shore

three four
four four
six eight
i thought we would
top the charts
with each take
and now the page
is just dots and lines
i’m looking for my entrance
for my cue
i’m looking
i’m looking
for me
and for you

learning a new song
signing a new line
counting us in
not counting us out
like an endless fermata
you waited for me
we had to rest
there is music in that silence
it’s not the best
is yet to come
more like
holding on
holding hands
auditioning again
finding the perfect blend
of our beating broken hearts
let’s start by humming
a sweet
gentle hum
a wordless
song
that tells it all
holds it all
believes it all
and still
loves
the story it tells

snowy spring morning

well snowy spring morning
i wonder did you know
that through the window
of my soul
the snow is falling
soft and still
the birdsong
silent ‘neath the chill

and beauty
hides in the silence
and sadness hides
in the unknown
and hope hides
in the fleeting faith
that rises with
each falling flake of snow
did you know
snowy spring morning

there is something growing
in the waiting
flowers put their hoodies on
and trees are standing
at the ready
oh snowy spring morning
paint the ground
and sparkle the air
i’ll find the beauty
while the birds
remember their songs

and beauty
hides in the silence
and sadness hides
in the unknown
and hope hides
in the fleeting faith
that rises with
each falling flake of snow
did you know
snowy spring morning

mysterious love

uncertainty
disorientation
a gray shadow
blankets the light
confusion
an opaque spirit
descends in my mind
and tries to dislodge
hope from my soul
it nearly succeeds

turn to the left
turn to the right
turn around
move
stay still
speak
remain silent
try
surrender
everything matters
and nothing does
i can’t focus
on the next step
what kind of morning
is this
what kind of dawn
haunts me

i think i’ll wait
i choose to listen
my Maker is near
and He whispers
through the diffused
shadows of my fear
He sings through
the longing in my tears
and in this moment
nothing has changed
the struggle remains
so i yield to this moment
and trust
in His mysterious
love

this surprise quiz called life

it feels like
it’s just out of my reach
just beyond my grasp
like a black and white ocean
through sad glass

the swells and sighs of the sea
capture my gaze
for a moment
time is as endless
as the white caps on the waves
that parade across the horizon

the answers
to the unspoken questions
on this surprise quiz called life 
the sadness that always
seems to rise inside
failure songs
refrains of shame
all that i don’t know or see
of the ocean depths in me

oh spirit swept waves of grace
drown me in your peace
let my countenance be raised
my fear assuaged
my longing engaged
in the rapture
of your ways
i surrender
helper
comforter
to your ways

cloudy christmas days

here’s to
cloudy christmas days
and windy songs
weaving through
the barren trees
can’t sing along
with the howling melodies
i’d rather stay
and be in this
cloudy christmas day

here’s to
cloudy christmas days
you see there’s loss
and grief
a friend in need
the clouds
are all around him now
nothing makes much sense
anyhow
except this
cloudy christmas day

here’s to
cloudy christmas days
when the dark tree
seems to be
the proper choice
i need to give voice
to loss
to mystery
and the agony
that stings a bit more
you never know
what’s in store
on a cloudy
christmas day

so i’ll just feel
this cloudy christmas day
the tears say
it’s ok
i know Eternal Love
has come
and Peace
and Light
i am trusting
through my tears
in the Way
the Truth
the Life
on this
cloudy christmas day

what do i see

what do i see
when i see me
let's see
i suppose i see
what i want to see
and at times i see
what i long to be
at times
i'm such a selfie

self is proud
and can be
so loud
i can push away
by the words i say
those i say i love
why am i that way
if my attitude
or my words hurt you
please forgive me
i hope you can see
a way
to forgive me

i suppose i need
to see through eyes
that are not mine
but belong to the One
who makes me whole
and sees all that makes
me
me

and when i'm known
by the One who knows
all that's inside
i can decide
that i won't hide
anymore

Lord help me see
my wife
and kids
the family
my friends
my neighbor too
and say no to self
and live to serve
Lord help me let go
of me
and be free
to love
to give
to be alive
to others
and die
to
me
and
be
free


cloudrise

no sun today
and that's ok
i won't tell the clouds
to go away
they can stay
it's a cloudrise day
dear cloudrise
help me feel
the sad in me
and to be real
and just be free
to be
sad
pensive
gray
apprehensive
stay here with me
there is beauty
in the shadow
longing in the sky
questions in my soul
sometimes all i know
is i don't know why
it's overcast
and colorless
and with a sigh
the teacher said
everything is meaningless
so i just breathe
just
breathe
so help me wait
in this pale dawn
help me to see
that i belong
to You
though the light is dim
i still see Him
and i will remain
still
quiet
hopeful
one day
no tears
one day
no fear
one day
all will be right
all will be Light
until then
my tears
will help me welcome
this cloudrise

still as the tree

all the color will soon fall
and the barren trees will sing
cold and wind snow and ice
will paint the boughs with chilled beauty
as leaves are tossed
and lost are the
dried and cracked memories
of hues and tones
that proudly shouted
i am here

let's welcome winter
when it enters our souls
sometimes what we think is gold
needs to fade
be swept away
in the wind of the Spirit
may we bend and break
let proud color and hues
fall in surrender

self must fade
and give way to the dark
long
nights
He will hold us tight
through the cold
and the questions
and the monochrome feelings

we must stand
still as the tree
and wait for life
to start again
in His time
His way
His truth
His life
will spring
for we wait
and in the waiting
He is present
we wait
He is comfort
He is love
we wait
in
His
love

a prayer

dear Lord
when i am restless
let the tranquility
of your Spirit
the comfort of your word
the light of your love
be my peace
and still my stirring
when i am anxious
let the power
of your grace
the assurance of your sovereignty
the goodness of your will
warm the frozen fear
i feel inside
release the heart shackles
and settle my thoughts
in the river of your presence
when i am triggered
angry
let your mercy
help me remember
how much is broken in me
let your justice
be the end of my longing
let my heart be open
to you and this world
send me
as your loving healing presence
as i receive your love
and your healing
when i am lost
bring me home
when i am so sad
that light seems a memory
and hope a forgotten song
reorient my mind
reset my spirit
help me see
that the suffering is but a moment
that all i long for
awaits in your house
no more tears
no need of light
or sun
no darkness
thank you
my dear Lord
thank you