words tumble over one another
sleepy smiles
are passed back and forth
wafer topics float in the air
sunny today
i slept well
i didn’t
afternoon rain
an occasional
imperceptible glance
accompanied by a smile
tossed into the corner
of my countenance
yes… i’m here
but i am in a capsule
floating in the silence of a nebula
made of melancholy stars
or maybe a grand old ship
on a vast glassy silent sea
standing at the beckoning bridge
i step into the swirling
tones and textures of this dolor
alone with everyone
present to the tears
that are trying to take a ride
on the deep exhale
i thought i caught them
in the net of my inhale
i’ll welcome this visitor
can’t pretend no one’s there
would rather explore
this mysterious place
if i harden myself
against this wave
i’ll enter a prison
i might not escape
so sailing on this grand old ship
weeping with the stars in space
this visit won’t last too long
like a beautiful sad song
that reminds us
something is terribly wrong
the melody comes to an end
would like to see a few things stay
the untroubled giggles of a child
a sunset that kaleidoscopes for hours
an embrace that fills my heart with peace
a haunting melody that sinks into my soul
and reminds me that there is love
would like to see a few things stay
the knowing when our eyes connect
the crashing waves and their rhythmic balm
the birdsong soaring through the sad sky
colors leaping from a flower
spilling on my heavy brow
reminding me that there is life
would like to see a few things stay
a tree that shades me from all harm
a crystal river of understanding
shadows stretching through deep green woods
the Light that helps me see the Way
a hand to hold that guides through the pain
reminding me that someone’s there
to share a lonely road
oh stay with me
lover of my soul
let me see
the calm before
i lose myself
nowhere to go
the words of life
spoken long ago
an anchor for
an old old soul
reminding me
that You are here
in the mess
in my tears
reminding me
that
You
are
rest
so in my heart
it’s raining
the stars don’t mind
the sun stays behind
the sad sad showers
just pitter patter
and i just stare
aware of the polyrhythmic percussion
perfectly synchronized
with the confusion
and the emotional concussion
there’s no melody
for this deep blue song
it just reminds me
of all that has gone wrong
we’re still feeling
the falling
living with the distance
the canyon of longing
and sighing
and crying
and dying
looking for morning
for light
for life
and love
for the endless morning
of light
and love
did you ever let your mind
wander back and forth
like standing in line
at six flags
you zig and zag
trying to make your way
to a ride of your memories
and all that's inside
some things you wish
you didn’t find
and the questions rise
why did i
why didn’t i
or
just why
sometimes your breath
is taken away
by the pain of yesterdays
and the sorrows of today
i guess living
is embracing
the cloudless sky
and the rain
that ache within
some things
you don't get to do again
sorry i missed so much
on the first try
and i remember love
surrounding me
i can see the gifts
like a mighty tree
of grace and kindness
covering me
with shades of beauty
shadows of heaven
and this sunrise
helps me lift my eyes
and rest
in grateful songs
i’ll remember all the love
surrounding me
i would like to shine bright as a sunny day and shimmer like a jacob collier song but i often find that old pride inside and i stumble and lose my way and it can go so wrong when the shame gets strong and i reach for a new identity no matter how i try i’m never free when i think i don’t need to be me
so i run back home to the lover of my soul it’s an uphill path the lies inside just laugh so i bring to my mind and heart the One who has kept me from the start
oh sing of the treasure of His love for me for you it shimmers and shines
His mercy shimmers and shines the Light of the world lives inside and He always shimmers and shines
We (my wife and I) are grateful to be back in the hometown that we grew up in on Long Island. My parents still live in the house I was raised in, so coming home is always filled with nostalgia and the telling of old stories and discovering new memories.
It is rare to visit Long Island and not go to the beach to take pictures, but the weather has been dark, rainy, and windy. More like a blustery day in November from a Winnie the Pooh story than springtime in New York.
So, since walking through torrential cold rain along the shore did seem to have its drawbacks, I decided to take pictures of my home and found myself drawn to the… well… probably thousands of… knickknacks? Home decor items?… that are just… everywhere. I suddenly realized that my childhood home is like living in the pages of an “I Spy” book.
I am quite sure that Better Homes and Gardens (is that magazine still around?) would not feature this home in an article on “How to Decorate Your Home with 1,000 Little Things” or “The Latest Home Decor Trend: I Spy Living.” But I sure had fun finding little treasures on this Winnie the Pooh blustery day.
Retrobox! How cool is that? And tiny Santa pants, and a snow covered cottage, and – this is one of the themes in my home and life – “Coffee please.” Coffee, in case you are wondering, is the fountain of youth. Just ask my mom who is about to turn 97.
Music is another theme in my home. My dad would play energetic Puerto Rican (another theme) beats in a Spotify-less world where the radio host would announce the next song or two by completing a string of basically slurred Spanish words delivered at the speed of sound with a hearty, “LA SALSA!”
Jesus is another… not a theme… I would say a presence in my home. Reverence… spiritual interest and pursuit was imprinted on my heart in my growing up years. I am grateful for how that influence shaped me.
The deepest, most precious, immeasurable treasure in my home is love. This is my bride embracing my mom when we arrived in the evening. Moments like these adorn this home. It was not a perfect home. It has known heartache and sorrow. But at the center of a thousand knickknacks is a story of love… warmth… family… a wordless embrace… love.
it's a 4272023 morning
the kind of morning
that will never be here again
the fire leaves are awakening
big blue skies are smiling
the proud trees are welcoming
a 4272023 morning
the silent digital sentinel
on our wrist
counts the seconds
that will make up the moments
of this gift we call a day
the unrepeatable you
this world of image bearers
in all our collective journeys
we share
the sorrow
the waiting
the singing
the building
the crying
the disorientation
the confusion
the celebration
the shame
the brokenness
the wonder
the exhaustion
the despair
the longing
for meaning
the searching for love
it's who we are
glorious and ruinous
on this 4272023 morning
let’s remember together
our Creator is here
for you and me
for all the world
the Light has overcome the darkness
so we can open our hearts
and become fire leaves
illuminated
dazzling
sparkling
welcoming the Light
the everlasting Love
awakened by eternal songs
of redemption
so this 4272023 morning
will soon be gone
what will we leave behind
words of comfort
love and laughter
shared tears
forgiving eyes
grateful for
a 4272023 morning
and grateful
for you
it’s time start
another latte
la dee da day
man the traffic
is insane today
well
like every other day
routine kicks in
meetings
where no one
really meets
a zoom here
a zoom there
a formica connection
can look so nice
a cladding smile
hope they don’t see
my empty eyes
what does it say
when the best part
of this day
is traffic
on the way
home to my
netflix series
or was it hulu
what’s a lonely soul
to do
there’s a war somewhere
everybody’s yelling
but no one’s really saying
anything
that sounds like truth
or has some roots
that sink deep in my heart
so i lift up my eyes
and through the tears
i cry why
why did i say it that way
why did they make fun of me
why does the sadness stay
why God
do you sometimes
feel so far away
you see i’m in the boat
the horizon is gone
and the storms
rage within
and all around
so wake up Lord
wake up
i don’t know
what to do
but i know
you
are
here
in my messy today
in my messy yesterday
oh won’t you
wake up
my soul
because
i see the Tree
You there for me
i’ll linger here
and sing a song
to You
the melody
may be sad
but for now
it’s all i have
so it’s Yours
and
i
am
too
not sure that i'm ok
doesn't matter anyway
it's just another day
feeling like i lost my way
running here and running there
things to do
but i just don't care
got a few more likes
is this real life
a venti latte if you please
is anyone else ill at ease
i wonder if i scream
will i wake up from this dream
and feel again
and breathe again
the preacher said that He's alive
oh God i really hope that's true
i guess i want to be made new
all the old is just so hard
learn stuff
get stuff
and find a cause
i know i want to be set free
would really love to be just me
Jesus did you rise that high
higher than my shame inside
cause if you did please hear my cry
something has to change inside
confession is so hard for me
Jesus here is the real me
help me rise and live again
help me please i'm on my knees
dear God please rise
dear Jesus come alive
in me
i am trying to remember
that song
i think it was a duet
before all went wrong
maybe in a minor key
a slow tempo
a slow dance
a sparkling melody
it definitely had harmony
how did that song go
or
more to the counterpoint
where did that song go
i touch a note
play a chord
i rise and fall each day
like a wandering tune
not quite on the beat
trying to see
trying to find
do re mi
trying to find
you and me
the lyrics
started out so sweet
a story of promises
a promise to keep
maybe the strings
had too much tension
maybe the strings
became unwound
wounds have a way
of making their own
sound
telling their own
tale
and they set sail
on an ocean
of i just don’t care
to sing anymore
i put too many quarters
in this silent jukebox
never going back to the shore
three four
four four
six eight
i thought we would
top the charts
with each take
and now the page
is just dots and lines
i’m looking for my entrance
for my cue
i’m looking
i’m looking
for me
and for you
learning a new song
signing a new line
counting us in
not counting us out
like an endless fermata
you waited for me
we had to rest
there is music in that silence
it’s not the best
is yet to come
more like
holding on
holding hands
auditioning again
finding the perfect blend
of our beating broken hearts
let’s start by humming
a sweet
gentle hum
a wordless
song
that tells it all
holds it all
believes it all
and still
loves
the story it tells
rutakintome pictures 
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