cloudrise

no sun today
and that's ok
i won't tell the clouds
to go away
they can stay
it's a cloudrise day
dear cloudrise
help me feel
the sad in me
and to be real
and just be free
to be
sad
pensive
gray
apprehensive
stay here with me
there is beauty
in the shadow
longing in the sky
questions in my soul
sometimes all i know
is i don't know why
it's overcast
and colorless
and with a sigh
the teacher said
everything is meaningless
so i just breathe
just
breathe
so help me wait
in this pale dawn
help me to see
that i belong
to You
though the light is dim
i still see Him
and i will remain
still
quiet
hopeful
one day
no tears
one day
no fear
one day
all will be right
all will be Light
until then
my tears
will help me welcome
this cloudrise

a prayer

dear Lord
when i am restless
let the tranquility
of your Spirit
the comfort of your word
the light of your love
be my peace
and still my stirring
when i am anxious
let the power
of your grace
the assurance of your sovereignty
the goodness of your will
warm the frozen fear
i feel inside
release the heart shackles
and settle my thoughts
in the river of your presence
when i am triggered
angry
let your mercy
help me remember
how much is broken in me
let your justice
be the end of my longing
let my heart be open
to you and this world
send me
as your loving healing presence
as i receive your love
and your healing
when i am lost
bring me home
when i am so sad
that light seems a memory
and hope a forgotten song
reorient my mind
reset my spirit
help me see
that the suffering is but a moment
that all i long for
awaits in your house
no more tears
no need of light
or sun
no darkness
thank you
my dear Lord
thank you

just be

you are not the lies
that tattle and rattle inside
a beauty will rise
when you tell those lies
to slip away and die
in the Light
of your Maker
oh the song of your life
is greater
than those failures
want you to believe

because we’re all
a crazy remix
and mash up
of brilliant stars
and tattered rags
of bumps and dents
that’s who we are
so don’t do anything
just stand
in the Light
of your Maker
oh the song of your life
is greater
than shame
and blame
want you to believe

breathe
just be
and breathe
and see
the Light
inside you

breathe
just be
and breathe
and see
the Light
inside you

you are more
than all
you do
just breathe
your identity
is more than all
you do

you are here
a masterpiece
just breathe
and be at peace
and receive
His love
His light
receive

the sad sad shadows

so i think that we should sing
about the sad sad shadows
why do i keep remembering
their darkened glance
it seems that they want to dance
into the story
and at any moment
the sad sad shadows
fall on me

so about those sad sad shadows
inside those weathered picture frames
a broken promise here
something undone there
framed fractures and failures
each one calls my name
and the struggle starts again
with one word
oh the shadow
of shame
falls on me

so listen sad sad shadows
i remembered today
that you don’t have to stay
you’re not the whole story
Light and Glory
can rewrite your songs
mend all the wrongs
and scatter the darkness
not just for a moment
but for eternity
all these parts of me
will be
restored
once more

oh sad sad shadow
the final say
will not be yours
the Light will end the night
and all the sad sad shadows
will go away
and there will be
only
Light

it’s a journey after all

i'm so glad
the Light found me
just as i am
i began to be free
identity restored
i'm not trying to earn anymore
i'm so glad
the Light found me

and now a love
has touched my soul
all of my past
all that’s yet to unfold
slowly being restored
i was blind
but now i see
oh, i’m so glad
the light found me

i still stumble
and fall
it’s a journey
after all
so be patient with me
i’ve got miles to go
i’m not what i will be
it’s a struggle you see
but this Light found me
so i trust and i wait
it’s the mess i call faith
but i’m so glad
the Light found me

dear mommy dear daddy

dear mommy
dear daddy
i’m sorry
you’re sad
i want you
to know that
i am
with Peace
i am
at peace

dear mommy
dear daddy
this wasn’t
your fault
i want you
to know that
i am free
of pain

dear mommy
dear daddy
when grieving
gives space
the light
that you gave me
let it shine
in this world
so many
are living
but they’re
not alive
lonely
forgotten
and screaming
inside
it would
make me
so happy
to know
you
are
listening

dear mommy
dear daddy
give others
what you
gave me
love
light
life

dear mommy
dear daddy
if i could just say
this longing
this knowing
it’s not supposed
to be this way
we all know it
we all see it
do you know
what it means
that we all
know this place
that we never
have seen
where all is made right
no darkness only light
where mommies
and daddies
at the end of the day
hug their children
and play
and love
is over all
in all
between all
so let us all pray
Your Kingdom come
Your will be done
on earth
as it is
in heaven

- written with lament, sorrow, love and prayers for those who lost everything and for the community of Uvalde

so hello clouds

so can we talk about clouds today
it seems they took the sun away
and i’m in my overcast life
there’s something different about this light

so can we talk about clouds today
my head tells me that it’s okay
the Light is here and not far away
but it just doesn’t feel that way

cause in those cloudy skies
i think i see some dreams that cry
and dense dark memories
why did i say those things
or why didn’t i say
anything at all
i wish those clouds would fall
in rain and storms of healing
let it rain
let it rain

so can we talk about clouds today
i suppose if they never came
i might lose the love of Light
and forget that those clouds
do give me sight

i see you and me
and the story
that only can be told
if there are clouds
so dreary is not the end
you’ll see
i choose to sing
to sing out loud

so
hello
clouds

forever i am yours

there is a river of love
coming down for us
flowing down for us
my Lord

there is a river of hope
reaching out for us
speaking into us
my Lord

i don’t know what to make
of this world anymore
i’m tired of crying
want to see a different shore
i don’t know what to make
of these anxious thoughts
i don’t think i can take
all this pain we’ve wrought
my Lord
here’s my life
here’s my heart

there is a river of peace
oh He’s here for me
oh He’s here for you
my Lord

there is a river of life
washing over us
healing all of us
my Lord

i don’t know what to make
of this world anymore
i’m tired of crying
want to see a different shore
i don’t know what to make
of this sadness inside
just want to be awake
on the other side
my Lord
here’s my life
here’s my heart

there is a river of light
shining in the dark
singing in my heart
my Lord

there is a river of time
forever i am yours
forever i am yours
my Lord

forever i am yours
my Lord

all around me

the last goodbye is coming soon
at least sooner than i every knew
trusting that the Light behind me
will be above me
beneath me
before me
all around me

still walking on this road with you
still leaving shadows behind
don’t want to be swallowed up
by all the wrong
the things i said
the things i’ve done
in Your love
those shadows flee
they are gone
in the Light of Your love

this life is long
and yet we know
the yesterdays are longer still
a line called life
stretches behind me
so i'm making a new yesterday
today

looking before me along the way
faith and hope and love will stay
so let me walk along this road
to the Light
in the Light
this burden is light
with You
behind me
above me
beneath me
before me
inside me
all around
me