Tag: love

table thoughts

This blog has been quiet lately because we sold our home and moved to a new home! The new house is about 8 miles from our old house. We have been talking about downsizing for a few years now and… here we are! Packing up 20 years of living is crazy! We are grateful. Recently someone asked if I miss our old house. My reply, “Not at all.” However, I didn’t expect it to be so hard to say goodbye to our dining table. I helped the family who purchased our table and hutch by dismantling as much of the table as I could. When they took the table top out, the tears suddenly came.

a sturdy table
how many times
did we say grace
a setting
a space
for us just to be… us

conversations
confessions
interactions
admissions
revelations
contrition
a table is set
and becomes the place
where all the weight
of grave and gold
stories are told
and the broken bread
leaves a trail
leading to baby cries
spaghetti on the floor
broken family ties
a spilled drink
someone’s at the door
embraces of grace
birthday candles
graduation cake
love is a messy thing
it’s a long dangerous journey
of faith
hope
and love

homework and coffee
thanksgiving turkey
deep, endless laughter
tears
and the dread of uncertainty
are served alongside
a heap of understanding
conflict and honesty

i was surprised
when the tears
appeared as the table
was hauled away
i wondered
would they take away
the echoes of our conversations
the forgiveness that we found
the acceptance that we gave
the hurt that was served
the pain that was assuaged

it’s  called downsizing
but my tears
are singing
a different tune
my soul is filled
my hearts breaks
somewhere along
the fault line
of gratitude and lament
time to reset
the table of my heart
a place of welcome
peace
family
love

this tattered old town

in and around
this tattered old town
nestled in the state
of my mind
taking a stroll
on the pathways
through my soul
standing on the corner
i see memories
of younger days
melodies of different ways
on a street named regret
at the corner of joy
looking for an answer or two
reaching for something true
since i was a boy
acceptance
forgiveness
and gratitude
my heart yearns
for something more
than the sum total
of my days
so i set my gaze
on things above
the unseen real
unfailing love
and i wait
and choose to be still
as the sun
settles down
on this old tattered town
i welcome
the end of this day
knowing it is the only way
to a new dawn
another pathway
hidden in the Light
safe in Him
i rise
i am safe in Him
i’ll rise

something safe

something solid
something sure
at the beginning of the end
and i am feeling insecure
what will it take
for this heart
to settle down
i think
it’s something solid
something sure

something that lasts
something i can count on
i can’t seem to stop surrendering
to the stories i tell myself
no happy endings
why am i spending time
in all the shadows
won’t you tell me please
what will it take
for my mind to be at ease
i think
something that lasts
something i can count on

something quiet
something safe
when it all unravels
when the puzzle pieces
don’t match the picture
on the box
what will it take
for my soul to rest
for my eyes to see
i think it must be
something quiet
something safe
there is an old story
of the Son of Man
that abides
through the centuries
He walked upon
the same ancient soil
that i stumble upon
His words true and sure
pierce my heart
and a small glowing calm
lifts my head

for He was before
and will always be
His love is for all time
and my mind
can’t understand
but i choose to anchor
my thoughts to the peace
of His everlasting wisdom
His never ending love

and into all my searching
in the midst
of all the bingeing and the scrolling
He shouts stillness
into the noise of my life
calming
restoring
reminding
renewing
resurrecting
and singing over me
the pain remains
but i am unharmed
confusion seems to hold sway
but my fear is consoled
by His presence
beside me
above me
beneath me
all around me
there is a storm
but
He
is

an advent prayer

we sing of a silent night
and of a Wonderful Counselor
born on a bleak mid-winter
of starry skies
and angel choirs
while rushing here
and late again there
parties and gatherings
there’s so much left on our lists
we want Christmas
in our culture
but is Christ in our hearts
buy now pay later
real time tracking
replaces real time reflecting
pondering the Prince of Peace
Immanuel
God
with
us
we wail and cry
for the suffering in this world
while we pass by
the violence we commit
against ourselves
we stream and binge
have another drink or two
or we click
buy now
pushing the pain away
hoping this shallow
happiness will stay
even though we know
it’s just a matter of time
before that dark cold low
presses on our chest
so we keep doing
maybe later
later
we will rest
the hope of the world
this baby boy
born into the icy darkness
of our souls
is He welcome
in the home of your heart
the light of the world
born into the chaos
that is our pain
do we surrender
to His invitation
filled with grace and truth
for He entered into our suffering
He walked this place of sorrows
the Creator holds the universe
in the palm of his tiny hands

O Jesus
little baby boy
hold me
help me
have mercy on me

amen

help me to let go

i’m trying
to let go
sometimes surrendering
doesn’t fit
all the shoulds i’m chasing

you see
i have this life equation
that should equal
the sum total
of all my expectations
of how it all should unfold
and then i see it unravel
everywhere and nowhere
i want to be

i’m trying
to let go
after all
we will all one day
let go of everything
so why do i try
to hang on to so much

like my pride
why didn’t you take
my side
i can only see
the me side
of you

like still holding onto
my right
and i’m right
and you’re not
i can’t see
how dark
and confusing
i make it for you

like when i hold onto
my disengaged attitude
pushing you away
silencing your voice
you’re not real
you don’t really know
what you feel
so let me
tell you

like when i hold onto
my fear
i don’t think
you’ll stay here
if you see the real
in me

God
help me
to let go
and to know
that even when i fall
that i am descending
into freedom
decreasing into the fullness
of who you made me to be

God
please help me
to
let
go

jewels in my soul

and there were threads in the garden
and there were stars in the leaves
and there jewels on the flowers
and there were diamonds in the webs
and there were threads in my mind
tethered to sorrow
beauty
lament
wonder
love
and there were stars in my heart
sparkling memories
regrets
dreams
loss
hope
and there were jewels in my soul
brilliantly reflecting
the promises
of my heavenly Papa
the redemption
of the Lamb
the deliverance
from the shadows
of my brokenness
and there were diamonds
all around
family
friends
love
companionship
a smile
an encouraging word
gratitude
melodies
light
beauty
song

it’s enough to just be you

take a breath and close your eyes
i’m praying that you’ll realize
that it’s enough to just be you
it will take time 
but i know you will shine
so ease your mind and take my hand
i will help you stand and stay with you
i will listen to every word you say
i promise it will be okay
sometimes everything is gray
so that we can grow
into what we were made to be
and i know you will shine
it will take time
but you will realize
that it’s enough
to just
be you

connection

standing still
contemplating all
the strategic decisions
that brought me here
ready to take a new step
on the journey
navigating
this ocean of feelings
the sadness
just beneath
the surface of it all
how do we traverse
the relational mines
of this broken world
no more pretending
more unmasking
what lies beneath
the smiles
and the tears
so tired of defending
time to stop protecting
and submit to truth
to words that may hurt
but will heal
the path to connection
spend more time in reflection
admitting all that’s wrong
in me
it’s so easy to live
suppressing
love and heartache
stepping into releasing
it all to Him
embracing the journey inward
not hiding what others see
accepting all that is
turning away
from denying all that is
the fog of reality
is clearer
that the seemingly
serene shimmer of self-deception
the crying
is from the lying
vulnerability is moving
towards being free
intimacy or distancing
the choice is up to me
to live in authenticity
and humility
is to break through
the veneer of safety
and i’m certain
that certainty
is not so certain after all
faith requires
the tension
of a solid hope
amidst the crazy
of the now
hate and
willful ignorance
are easy
it’s love
that is
hard

Kyrie eleison
Christe eleison

unfurled alive and free

there is a desperate
feigned beauty
to a closed heart
not present to pain
like a tragic lullaby
an inconsolable melody
celebrating safety
striving to look like peace
reluctant to feel
locked up in dark silence
encased in emptiness

choose to feel
to stay connected
to what’s real
stay in the pain
even in the rain
gifts are to be found
don’t turn around
lament all that is broken
laugh as if it’s all okay
cry because
you know it’s not
take a step of faith
none of us is free
from danger
find a friend
who will walk
beside you
and let you feel

let you be
unfurled
alive
and free

this thing called life

taking time to just be
on this gentle
quiet morning
by the sea
soothing waves
share their melodies
as soft hues
of morning light
fall upon the endless sand
and fill my eyes
with stilled wonder
i try to look down
into the deep
of my own heart
and feel the sad songs
find the gifts of grace
stay in anger’s embrace
pray for resurrection
to race
through the turmoil
and the pain
lift me higher again
so i can return
to You
and in so doing
return to me
slowly the
luminance of the colors
rise across the sky
as the colors of love
wash over me
eternity is in my heart
thankful for
each crazy part
of this thing
called life

this thing
called life