so much love

i suppose
that when
in your 90’s
that the road
behind you
has more to tell
than the road ahead
and instead of the worry
and the hurry
to get
where you thought
you should be
you listen to
that long long road

i hear my mom
as she walks that road
and stops along the way
she pauses and wonders
what can she say
to give thanks to God
for her family
what can she say
to give thanks to God
for all the love
that surrounded
her journey

in one story
she laments her losses
then as the tears are flowing
a moment comes to the surface
and suddenly she laughs
sorrow harmonizes with joy
laughter sings with tragedy
but still
still gives thanks
and on that road
she remembers
all the gifts
without number
that she has shared
with family
with friends

now she’s tired
her most frequent visitor
is pain
here eyes are dim
but her voice
doesn’t wane
as she skips down that road
picking memories
like a beautiful rose
she holds in her hands
the important things
that somehow
we forget
but she knows
and her wisdom falls
like sweet silver snow
on the hearts
of all who listen
bringing light
and it just glistens
in your soul

she recalls the years
with pride
and with deep lament
she speaks
of her mom and dad
her sisters
her brothers
with thankfulness
carried by her tears
she speaks of their love
so
much
love

there is a power
in her spirit
that pays no attention
to her age
or the sheer exhaustion
of each day
her diminished frame
is a sanctuary
of strength
and lovem

i hope i have passed along
the smallest portion
of her love to my family
for even a fragment
of that love
would fill the world
would flood a soul
would help mend the wounds
we all carry

thank you mom
for speaking truth
for remembering to laugh
for lamenting all the sadness
for all your love
so
much
love

i sang along

i heard some music today
the rhythm section of a little girl
skipping behind her mom

a gentle touch
from a medical sage
as he sang
-  you’re going to be okay -

the pale brown dried hydrangeas
shivering or dancing
to the melody
of this damp winter wind

i heard the horn section
of one member
of the bumper to bumper traffic
play a long steady tone
no doubt the driver
was in the fermata lane
and rules are rules

even the gray sky
somehow drew it’s bow
across the horizon
a deep ostinato
boasting of its power
to tame the light

it’s all music to me
a chaos of simplicity
a pale beauty
a human connection
a reason to dance
when there is no reason
to be found
so

i
sang
along

hey december

hey december
where did you go
did you take
the mistletoe
and what happened
to the eyes all aglow
light and trees
christmas melodies
how quiet
it all seems

well
christmas is only
356 days away
until then
i’ll choose to stay
in the silence
of winter’s embrace
i’ll welcome the stillness
and ponder the grace
that fills my heart
in the quiet start
of this new year
i choose to hear
the voice
of my Father in heaven
the grace
of His presence
the love
of His Son
hey december
it was fun

but living this life
is a serious thing
so i will sing
of His light in me
and remember
i can take december
and bring good cheer
to family near
and friends so far
dear God
thank you
dear God
thank you
for memories
of christmas melodies
and for right now
this day
this moment
for your presence
thank you
God

little frozen stars

snowflakes
like little frozen stars
are dancing around
my backyard
barren branches shiver
beneath winter’s breath
there is a kind of death
that erases memories
of fireflies
and summer rain
but is’t okay
there are frozen stars
dancing around
my backyard
this winter day

cold and wind
sweep the messy fall away
cold stardust blankets the ground
and delicately paints the trees
and help me see
that all this loss
of green and flower
is the rhythm of you and me
for there is power
in resting
waiting
dying
to even beautiful things
that may shackle our souls
and find new life
beneath the barren
new love
beneath the bitterness
new warmth
beneath the cold

let’s dance
like little frozen stars
in my backyard
and remember
that what seems random
when we feel abandoned
when our hearts are unable to fathom
the singing of the birds
we wait
in the in between
and come to the Word
He speaks into our stillness
He speaks into our silence
while little frozen stars
dance in my backyard

cloudy christmas days

here’s to
cloudy christmas days
and windy songs
weaving through
the barren trees
can’t sing along
with the howling melodies
i’d rather stay
and be in this
cloudy christmas day

here’s to
cloudy christmas days
you see there’s loss
and grief
a friend in need
the clouds
are all around him now
nothing makes much sense
anyhow
except this
cloudy christmas day

here’s to
cloudy christmas days
when the dark tree
seems to be
the proper choice
i need to give voice
to loss
to mystery
and the agony
that stings a bit more
you never know
what’s in store
on a cloudy
christmas day

so i’ll just feel
this cloudy christmas day
the tears say
it’s ok
i know Eternal Love
has come
and Peace
and Light
i am trusting
through my tears
in the Way
the Truth
the Life
on this
cloudy christmas day

just be

what if today
you stopped

and decided
to be
and not just
to do

stillness
instead of the illness
of this
or that

can you be with yourself
can you open your heart
to the presence
of He who made all of the stars
and thought of you
before your first cry
before the first time
you opened your eyes

just close your eyes
breathe
He knows your name
breathe
He loves you
just be

take time
to remind
your mind
that you
are
loved
you
are
His
just
be

november rose

november rose
i wonder if you know
that there is snow
that the cold and chill
and wind will still
your crimson petals
will fall and tumble
your proud will
will be humbled

i wonder if you know
that the season
will bring death
but in the midst
of dark cold air
and icy nights
there
right there
new life

and so we all must wait
through the winters of our days
we all must breathe the cold air
surrender what we fear
and let the clear icy skies
revive
restore
and make us alive
and help us remember
that there is more
that needs to die
surrender
in order
to be alive
once more
alive

nook night

say goodbye
and set aside
the troubles
that are storming inside

at days end
now it's all
a remember when
so feel the sads
the mads
the glads
but more than these
give thanks and see
the treasures
the pleasures
that were yours

remember
the sum of them all
is the story of you
the unrepeatable you
a treasure
created by your Maker
who paints the sky
a masterpiece
be at peace
you
unrepeatable
you
be
at
peace
and have
a
nook night

what do i see

what do i see
when i see me
let's see
i suppose i see
what i want to see
and at times i see
what i long to be
at times
i'm such a selfie

self is proud
and can be
so loud
i can push away
by the words i say
those i say i love
why am i that way
if my attitude
or my words hurt you
please forgive me
i hope you can see
a way
to forgive me

i suppose i need
to see through eyes
that are not mine
but belong to the One
who makes me whole
and sees all that makes
me
me

and when i'm known
by the One who knows
all that's inside
i can decide
that i won't hide
anymore

Lord help me see
my wife
and kids
the family
my friends
my neighbor too
and say no to self
and live to serve
Lord help me let go
of me
and be free
to love
to give
to be alive
to others
and die
to
me
and
be
free


cloudrise

no sun today
and that's ok
i won't tell the clouds
to go away
they can stay
it's a cloudrise day
dear cloudrise
help me feel
the sad in me
and to be real
and just be free
to be
sad
pensive
gray
apprehensive
stay here with me
there is beauty
in the shadow
longing in the sky
questions in my soul
sometimes all i know
is i don't know why
it's overcast
and colorless
and with a sigh
the teacher said
everything is meaningless
so i just breathe
just
breathe
so help me wait
in this pale dawn
help me to see
that i belong
to You
though the light is dim
i still see Him
and i will remain
still
quiet
hopeful
one day
no tears
one day
no fear
one day
all will be right
all will be Light
until then
my tears
will help me welcome
this cloudrise