sometimes it feels like i don’t know anymore can you point me to the exit door i thought it would be the tribe that had the right vibe or the cool cause would become my why but I find myself asking why the night seems darker and all the sides just lie messages dance and prance through the social media sphere shouting the truth is here the truth is here the truth is here what you see is what is true period what i see is false period we’re both right we’re both wrong period so we sing our song loud and proud and if you won’t sing along and if I won’t play cancel cancel cancel we say but i am here and so are you maybe the push to win is just polished acceptable sin i’m trying to see to open my heart to start a conversation to lay down my weapons to deal with me to recognize what’s inside this flawed broken man learning to stand on my knees dear God help me please to realize that there is no prize waiting for any side when we choose to erase a person who has or doesn’t have faith we all bear His image we all need a center it can’t be me it can’t be you the Creator’s justice His love and grace is solid and true for me for you the human race needs to slow down and embrace our limited sight our twisted mind and instead taste and see He is good He is good He is good you and i are not the answer to the problems we’ve made it’s the enemy within this fractured soul that needs redemption to be made whole what if we stopped stealing the healing with all our shouting and screaming and in stillness and silence we met our Creator and finally meet ourselves as we really are and quietly pray change me change me change me
You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor’ and hate your enemy. But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. Matthew 5:43-45
I will proclaim the name of the Lord; how glorious is our God! He is the Rock; his deeds are perfect. Everything he does is just and fair. He is a faithful God who does no wrong; how just and upright he is! Deuteronomy 32:3-4
a wife weeps for her husband fatherless children are given shattered lives
some lament some deride a nation is disoriented broken lost on one side lost on that side too the heart of the country needs a gps we are lost no it’s worse
a wife weeps for her husband fatherless children are given shattered lives
in a windy city nearby some wonder about all the fuss holes in their walls are covered by pictures of sons and daughters moms and dads senselessly stolen from love and home and not a single post not a single thread to remember their dead
a wife weeps for her husband fatherless children are given shattered lives
is our justice the best is our judgment pure we must choose our response to the horror in front of us we must ponder what is in our hearts
a wife weeps for her husband fatherless children are given shattered lives
God will let us go our own way religious lines party lines hold no meaning for what resides in the heart will be revealed it’s not the affiliation or denomination we may think we carry light or hold truth Lord have mercy
a wife weeps for her husband fatherless children are given shattered lives
what do you want or is there a better question what do we need what is wrong maybe we should just stop ponder wait listen grieve kneel plead is God, God? is Jesus alive? what kind of ambassador am i may we be true children of our Father in heaven for he is just and fair
a wife weeps for her husband fatherless children are given shattered lives
open my eyes and let me see the impact of me in the eyes of those i say i love in the face of the stranger in the heart of my friends help me see my flaws help me see my brokenness help me see the fractures and inconsistencies in me that i so readily ignore but call out in others
dear God may the tone of my words carry grace acceptance and peace let my heart be open to know when to engage and when to disengage always with kindness and gentleness and help me love with listening help me love with understanding help me love with an other-centered spirit help me to love as you reveal me to me
am i descending or ascending is this praying or just doing my own thing cradling my heavy head in my tear stained palms i think this time it will be different my life will change my heart will finally be rearranged only to realize that even if my knees were nailed to the earth i stubbornly refuse to bend my will instead i choose to stand in shame is this my heart rising to our Father who art in heaven or am i running stumbling down into myself help me be free let my eyes see and may my ears listen to the sheer silence of your kindness open this heart mend my mind in love mercy and forgiveness i want to rise so help me bow down be still let go and listen to the sheer silence of your kindness
i don't know about you but there is so much i need to say goodbye to i'll welcome the endings practice some surrendering
it's hard to study all the expectations that are now a pile of eliminations i thought this or that would be the life i would have releasing longings into the fiery ending of this day i guess it will be okay
turns out being free is not about me trying to step aside God are you tired of hearing about my pride set is ablaze like the end of this day i'm tired of getting my way
love and hope sin and shadow peace and stillness heartache and sorrow is there a place deep in the marrow of my soul where all the counterpoint of being human is awakened restored and rises whole
saying goodbye to all that tethers me to this dirt i'd rather stiffen my neck than lift up my eyes stand on my own than fall to my knees search me and know my heart let all the parts of me that you see with grace and mercy
This blog has been quiet lately because we sold our home and moved to a new home! The new house is about 8 miles from our old house. We have been talking about downsizing for a few years now and… here we are! Packing up 20 years of living is crazy! We are grateful. Recently someone asked if I miss our old house. My reply, “Not at all.” However, I didn’t expect it to be so hard to say goodbye to our dining table. I helped the family who purchased our table and hutch by dismantling as much of the table as I could. When they took the table top out, the tears suddenly came.
a sturdy table how many times did we say grace a setting a space for us just to be… us
conversations confessions interactions admissions revelations contrition a table is set and becomes the place where all the weight of grave and gold stories are told and the broken bread leaves a trail leading to baby cries spaghetti on the floor broken family ties a spilled drink someone’s at the door embraces of grace birthday candles graduation cake love is a messy thing it’s a long dangerous journey of faith hope and love
homework and coffee thanksgiving turkey deep, endless laughter tears and the dread of uncertainty are served alongside a heap of understanding conflict and honesty
i was surprised when the tears appeared as the table was hauled away i wondered would they take away the echoes of our conversations the forgiveness that we found the acceptance that we gave the hurt that was served the pain that was assuaged
it’s called downsizing but my tears are singing a different tune my soul is filled my hearts breaks somewhere along the fault line of gratitude and lament time to reset the table of my heart a place of welcome peace family love
in and around this tattered old town nestled in the state of my mind taking a stroll on the pathways through my soul standing on the corner i see memories of younger days melodies of different ways on a street named regret at the corner of joy looking for an answer or two reaching for something true since i was a boy
acceptance forgiveness and gratitude my heart yearns for something more than the sum total of my days so i set my gaze on things above the unseen real unfailing love
and i wait
and choose to be still
as the sun
settles down
on this old tattered town
i welcome
the end of this day
knowing it is the only way
to a new dawn
another pathway
hidden in the Light
safe in Him
i rise
i am safe in Him
i’ll rise
something solid something sure at the beginning of the end and i am feeling insecure what will it take for this heart to settle down i think it’s something solid something sure
something that lasts something i can count on i can’t seem to stop surrendering to the stories i tell myself no happy endings why am i spending time in all the shadows won’t you tell me please what will it take for my mind to be at ease i think something that lasts something i can count on
something quiet something safe when it all unravels when the puzzle pieces don’t match the picture on the box what will it take for my soul to rest for my eyes to see i think it must be something quiet something safe
there is an old story of the Son of Man that abides through the centuries He walked upon the same ancient soil that i stumble upon His words true and sure pierce my heart and a small glowing calm lifts my head
for He was before and will always be His love is for all time and my mind can’t understand but i choose to anchor my thoughts to the peace of His everlasting wisdom His never ending love
and into all my searching in the midst of all the bingeing and the scrolling He shouts stillness into the noise of my life calming restoring reminding renewing resurrecting and singing over me the pain remains but i am unharmed confusion seems to hold sway but my fear is consoled by His presence beside me above me beneath me all around me there is a storm but He is
thinking about nothing at all while everything is running around in my mind getting acquainted with a dull ache emanating from somewhere in the middle of the center of the core of my tacet anxiety settling down into an emotional complacency trying to find some safety to make sense of it all Immanuel is sleeping in the boat while the weight of my heart makes every step so hard inches are like miles enclosed on every side by confusion and helplessness what can i offer what can i say what can i do awake my soul for the sleeping Man of Sorrows knows this storm my soul comes to rest on a cold lonely shore and i wait the winds and waves are His i wait
rutakintome pictures 
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