sometimes i’m miles from where i want to be can’t shake the shoulda and oughta be and like that tattered book on a dusty shelf i’m back in the story i keep telling myself this time i know it’s gonna change i’ll rearrange my point of view and maybe try something new like trying nothing at all and i’ll just fall upon your grace look in the mirror at this face and let you hold my heart and mind and wait until i find a place where i can rest and play like a zillow treasure a brand new home Lord help me i’m so prone to roam and wander away i wonder if you can help me find my way to the place where i want to be
we take time we use time we waste time we forget the last time we make the most of time we run out of time we forget what time we miss the time we pass through time we lose track of time we look forward to the next time
and time passes and time tests and time takes and time ran out and time is up and time begins and time is past and the time may come and the time may never arrive and it’s about time
tell me there is something that lasts all these moments scurry into the past seconds hours days weeks months years disappear
then
i pause
i wait
i take time to realize
that i need someone
to hold me
so i raise my eyes to the One who made me for in my heart He has placed eternity for in time all things fade and we can’t trade this moment for any other
we have now
the present
to love pray surrender confess worship contemplate
and meditate on the unfailing love of God the enduring grace of God the timeless presence of God the everlasting God
i awaken to the Artist’s colors singing across the sky heavens silently shouting glory fills my eyes and my soul stirs my heart yearns to join this Artist
in surrender i’ll sit at His feet and join Him as we greet all the unknowns of this new day
as fuchsia infused clouds rest in a cobalt sky i pause i lift my eyes to tell the Artist of the deep longings of my soul to be seen to be known and still to be loved to lament to grieve to enter my suffering and still be safe and secure in the One who is above and beside and beneath He does not hide and He will not interfere He is always here He invites beckons whispers gently knocks at the door of my busy life
i must invite Him in and be at peace He is mystery He is Emmanuel see the colors in all creation the beauty and mercy of His salvation the Bread of Life waits at the table for us the Light of the World exposes the darkness it’s merciful pain seeing who i really am i remember that He already knows the Good Shepherd comes to give me rest and peace
i’m on a lost and found table which means of course i know exactly where i am but no one else does
separated from certainty waiting to be recognized next to a gray hoodie and a pink water bottle adorned with barbie stickers and a pair of warby parker sun glasses
it’s funny how much stuff can go unnoticed and is apparently unwanted and how temporary and impossibly thin i can feel
like the shadow of a tree lengthening and diminishing as the sun welcomes the night
after all these years of waking up you realize that life is an apparition we are a mist on this earth
we toil and run sing and work dance and hate love and fret create and scream
and the theme of it all the ostinato beneath this journey is a longing that we know cannot be fulfilled while we are still here
we long to be free from being tethered to the soil and we know that we have been leaving since our story began we just want to stay
so instead of identifying where this longing leads we invest our souls in tiny pursuits expiration dates constrict all of our efforts to be known loved and declared worthy until we find ourselves on the lost and found table
screaming for someone to join our tribe yet afraid of losing our loneliness crying for justice and healing yet ignoring the wounds of our crumbling souls
i will be found
after all the warby parkers were picked up surely someone will will see me
barrenness is an opportunity to be filled is an opportunity to bless someone in need is an opportunity to be emptied of self is an opportunity to confront misplaced desires is an opportunity to know who you are is an opportunity to confess on your knees is an opportunity to find the way the truth and the life is an opportunity to have a reference point in the tumult of your soul is an opportunity to be still in the storm is an opportunity to let silence have its way is an opportunity to let go of this word is an opportunity to surrender your life is an opportunity to shelter beneath the shadow of His wings is an opportunity to gain everything is an opportunity to truly live is an opportunity to find your identity in the uncreated One is an opportunity to truly be alive
if the light can reach my soul then why can’t i find my way if the words can pierce my mind then why are there none to say if the room is filled with friends then why am i so alone if i just can’t see the end then where am i to go
if i can sing a melody of fire then why is it cold at night if i can walk along a distant shore then why am i sad and my eyes so dry if i can run into your arms then why is the path so long if i can wander in a field of memories then why do i awake forlorn
fly oh my soul fly the Light has come down for you guiding your searching soul His promises faithful and and true for they will mend and make you whole and remember the never-forsaking God is beside you let His embrace define you
fly oh my soul fly His fire will scatter the night stay on the sorrowful shore and raise your tears to the sky as you open your heart and let go of the why yes it’s narrow and steep so stay on your knees and fly oh my soul fly
time to begin time to restore time to connect time to shout time to be still time to forgive time to ponder time to surrender time to confess time to grieve time to let go time to rage time to diminish time to sing time to receive time to stop time to harvest time to pray time to feel time to part time to give time to run time to open time to kneel time to finish time to conquer time to rest time to be time to plead time to weep time to finish time to love time to hope
we are young we are sparkling newborn souls and our bones ache and our hearts creak and shadows now travel along our optic nerve
eternity beckons and we age only to realize we are beginners and the wisdom collection we keep on our shelf only reminds us of our duplicity and all that is mysterious and unknown within and without
tidal memories ebb and flow within our mind leaving behind empty shells some speaking of beauty and the brightness of life others cracked and shattered souvenirs of the hard road of the painful storms
but we are beginners every day and our God has planted eternity in our hearts endless time is within us it is no wonder we long for lasting peace we search for a deep abiding joy we ache for a love that isn’t tossed by the waves of this tumultuous life
we are bound by time and an immortal presence resides in our hearts
we are shackled to schedules coordinate our calendars while something that is ageless beckons our attention
it seems to me that we could use some time in the mourning house to see how tightly we are tethered to the earth and its own decay and to weep to mourn and wail in order to awaken the Eternal in our hearts to begin a new query into what is real what is lasting what is true
let us be boundless by being present to the undying Light and Love that perpetually shines in us let us be free of these passing moments by surrendering to our Creator God while we walk on the earth we can touch heaven in His redemption and in the grace of His Son we walk on the road while we dance in the skies and await all things new
to deny the brokenness the darkness the sin is to close our eyes and turn away from injustice from all the craters where schools once stood
is to place our hands over our ears to escape the tears carried on wailing waves on too many streets
is to cover our lips and become statues with utterless words screaming silently injecting our hearts with the novocaine of indifference after all what can we do really
we slingshot around the moon while shots ring out in the southside in the middle of the east on midwest streets unable to speak we cling to the songs of our tribes we can deal with that vibe
it's just too hard to try to understand i clasp my hands kneel down and pray for our enemies for our adversaries for our leaders to stay in a place of grace towards all life that mercy might reign for each child and soldier and mom and dad amen amen
God show us the way Kyrie eleison God come near today Christe eleison heal here today Kyrie eleison hear us we pray Christe eleison have your way in us we pray Kyrie eleison
i’m on a road i think i’m in control i think i know where i need to go i think i can see i think i can find my way back home i think there’s nothing behind me so why am i surprised at the tears in my eyes trying to be free while looking for a sign to ease my mind as i struggle to leave behind all the troubled times i carry in my soul things said and done they take a toll make me want to run but i choose to stay and follow the Way i sing of amazing grace i sing through my tears of a perfect love that drives away fear as the rain plays a melody reminding me that i am not in control but i’m safe in the shadow of the wings of His love as i travel on my way home
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