Tag: regret

table thoughts

This blog has been quiet lately because we sold our home and moved to a new home! The new house is about 8 miles from our old house. We have been talking about downsizing for a few years now and… here we are! Packing up 20 years of living is crazy! We are grateful. Recently someone asked if I miss our old house. My reply, “Not at all.” However, I didn’t expect it to be so hard to say goodbye to our dining table. I helped the family who purchased our table and hutch by dismantling as much of the table as I could. When they took the table top out, the tears suddenly came.

a sturdy table
how many times
did we say grace
a setting
a space
for us just to be… us

conversations
confessions
interactions
admissions
revelations
contrition
a table is set
and becomes the place
where all the weight
of grave and gold
stories are told
and the broken bread
leaves a trail
leading to baby cries
spaghetti on the floor
broken family ties
a spilled drink
someone’s at the door
embraces of grace
birthday candles
graduation cake
love is a messy thing
it’s a long dangerous journey
of faith
hope
and love

homework and coffee
thanksgiving turkey
deep, endless laughter
tears
and the dread of uncertainty
are served alongside
a heap of understanding
conflict and honesty

i was surprised
when the tears
appeared as the table
was hauled away
i wondered
would they take away
the echoes of our conversations
the forgiveness that we found
the acceptance that we gave
the hurt that was served
the pain that was assuaged

it’s  called downsizing
but my tears
are singing
a different tune
my soul is filled
my hearts breaks
somewhere along
the fault line
of gratitude and lament
time to reset
the table of my heart
a place of welcome
peace
family
love

this tattered old town

in and around
this tattered old town
nestled in the state
of my mind
taking a stroll
on the pathways
through my soul
standing on the corner
i see memories
of younger days
melodies of different ways
on a street named regret
at the corner of joy
looking for an answer or two
reaching for something true
since i was a boy
acceptance
forgiveness
and gratitude
my heart yearns
for something more
than the sum total
of my days
so i set my gaze
on things above
the unseen real
unfailing love
and i wait
and choose to be still
as the sun
settles down
on this old tattered town
i welcome
the end of this day
knowing it is the only way
to a new dawn
another pathway
hidden in the Light
safe in Him
i rise
i am safe in Him
i’ll rise

sometimes i wonder

sometimes i wonder
where it all came apart
where the promises and love songs
withered and sighed
the radio station
otherwise known as our lives
just plays static
the noise of our brokenness
the crackle of our selfishness

sometimes i wonder
where all that love went to hide
where the feelings and tryings
the caring that was dying
before our once hope filled eyes
is that love buried
beneath the winter of our self-protection
will there ever be a springtime of affections
sunshine to melt the hardness
to take back all the words
that tore apart the fragile fabric
otherwise known as our lives
do shreds of tenderness remain
i see tattered threads of holding hands
i think i can make out a long lost embrace

sometimes i wonder
if all these thoughts colliding in my mind
can make sense of anything at all
why did i say that
why didn’t i tell you
why did i hide
why didn’t i leave you alone
why did i remain silent
why did i scream
i have so much on repeat in my head
longing to find that clue
that tiny missed detail
to unlock the best of us

i love you
i said it
but you saw through
all i insisted was true
and i couldn't carry the weight
of what it meant to be we
us
together
our true selves
as one
in the story otherwise known as our lives

the sad sad shadows

so i think that we should sing
about the sad sad shadows
why do i keep remembering
their darkened glance
it seems that they want to dance
into the story
and at any moment
the sad sad shadows
fall on me

so about those sad sad shadows
inside those weathered picture frames
a broken promise here
something undone there
framed fractures and failures
each one calls my name
and the struggle starts again
with one word
oh the shadow
of shame
falls on me

so listen sad sad shadows
i remembered today
that you don’t have to stay
you’re not the whole story
Light and Glory
can rewrite your songs
mend all the wrongs
and scatter the darkness
not just for a moment
but for eternity
all these parts of me
will be
restored
once more

oh sad sad shadow
the final say
will not be yours
the Light will end the night
and all the sad sad shadows
will go away
and there will be
only
Light