a sweet gentle hum

i am trying to remember
that song
i think it was a duet
before all went wrong
maybe in a minor key
a slow tempo
a slow dance
a sparkling melody
it definitely had harmony
how did that song go

or
more to the counterpoint
where did that song go
i touch a note
play a chord
i rise and fall each day
like a wandering tune
not quite on the beat
trying to see
trying to find
do re mi
trying to find
you and me

the lyrics
started out so sweet
a story of promises
a promise to keep
maybe the strings
had too much tension
maybe the strings
became unwound
wounds have a way
of making their own
sound
telling their own
tale
and they set sail
on an ocean
of i just don’t care
to sing anymore
i put too many quarters
in this silent jukebox
never going back to the shore

three four
four four
six eight
i thought we would
top the charts
with each take
and now the page
is just dots and lines
i’m looking for my entrance
for my cue
i’m looking
i’m looking
for me
and for you

learning a new song
signing a new line
counting us in
not counting us out
like an endless fermata
you waited for me
we had to rest
there is music in that silence
it’s not the best
is yet to come
more like
holding on
holding hands
auditioning again
finding the perfect blend
of our beating broken hearts
let’s start by humming
a sweet
gentle hum
a wordless
song
that tells it all
holds it all
believes it all
and still
loves
the story it tells

snowy spring morning

well snowy spring morning
i wonder did you know
that through the window
of my soul
the snow is falling
soft and still
the birdsong
silent ‘neath the chill

and beauty
hides in the silence
and sadness hides
in the unknown
and hope hides
in the fleeting faith
that rises with
each falling flake of snow
did you know
snowy spring morning

there is something growing
in the waiting
flowers put their hoodies on
and trees are standing
at the ready
oh snowy spring morning
paint the ground
and sparkle the air
i’ll find the beauty
while the birds
remember their songs

and beauty
hides in the silence
and sadness hides
in the unknown
and hope hides
in the fleeting faith
that rises with
each falling flake of snow
did you know
snowy spring morning

mysterious love

uncertainty
disorientation
a gray shadow
blankets the light
confusion
an opaque spirit
descends in my mind
and tries to dislodge
hope from my soul
it nearly succeeds

turn to the left
turn to the right
turn around
move
stay still
speak
remain silent
try
surrender
everything matters
and nothing does
i can’t focus
on the next step
what kind of morning
is this
what kind of dawn
haunts me

i think i’ll wait
i choose to listen
my Maker is near
and He whispers
through the diffused
shadows of my fear
He sings through
the longing in my tears
and in this moment
nothing has changed
the struggle remains
so i yield to this moment
and trust
in His mysterious
love

o sunset sky

o sunset sky
i wonder if you cry
as you say goodbye
to all this day
has left behind
o sunset sky
would you stay with me
and cry
my sunset sky
o sunset sky
what do you see
as darkness falls
around me
this pain and loss
and mystery
i cannot see
what lies before me
o sunset sky
won’t you cry for me
o sunset sky
i know you try
to make smile
all that fire in the sky
it leaps so high
and fills my world
with colors
and beauty
and wonder
and that ache
in my heart
just starts
again
so goodbye
my sunset sky
goodbye

just cruisin’

Here are too many images from a cruise vacation we recently enjoyed. These images are from the ship at sea, Key West, Florida, and Labadee, Haiti. Thanks for stopping by.

this surprise quiz called life

it feels like
it’s just out of my reach
just beyond my grasp
like a black and white ocean
through sad glass

the swells and sighs of the sea
capture my gaze
for a moment
time is as endless
as the white caps on the waves
that parade across the horizon

the answers
to the unspoken questions
on this surprise quiz called life 
the sadness that always
seems to rise inside
failure songs
refrains of shame
all that i don’t know or see
of the ocean depths in me

oh spirit swept waves of grace
drown me in your peace
let my countenance be raised
my fear assuaged
my longing engaged
in the rapture
of your ways
i surrender
helper
comforter
to your ways

kings park psychiatric center – 3

This is the third and last post from a visit to the Kings Park Psychiatric Center with my brother on a recent trip back to New York. While walking the grounds we came upon this wall that appeared to be the remains of some kind of outdoor gathering place. (?)

The textures were fascinating here. And those trees! Just incredible how they found life, water and sustenance through the brick and stone.

On the left side was a small storage room (?) guarded by a fallen tree that we were hoping was the opening of a tunnel.

This was inside that room.

Thanks for stopping by.

kings park psychiatric center – 2

This is the 2nd of 3 posts from a recent trip back home to New York. My brother invited me to explore the abandoned Kings Park Psychiatric Center. The psychiatric center was built on 800 acres of land. We only explored a tiny portion of the property and its buildings. This post focuses more on the incredible artwork that is very much a part of this abandoned landscape.

building 93

On a recent trip back home to New York my brother invited me to hike some trails on the north shore of Long Island and visit the abandoned King’s Park Psychiatric Center. He encouraged me to bring my camera – glad I did. The sprawling campus of this abandoned facility is something to behold. It is fascinating to see so many old buildings and realize they were filled with patients and all kinds of professional and support personnel. A Google search will return the sad, tragic saga of this facility. This is Building 93. It is much more ominous than these images reveal.

caregiver

husband
father
provider
papa
great papa
dad
caregiver

for years
he’s been by her side
coffee in the morning
every meal
prepared with pride
keeping track
of all the meds
cleaning and cooking
making the bed
letting go of self
in untold ways
after retirement dreams
placed on the shelf
he tries his best
and without rest
he serves her
he loves her

caregiver
such a lonely place
none will ever know
nor can ever trace
the chores
and trips to the stores
how patiently
he listens
in the bickering
it’s sometimes hard
to keep emotions
in line
still he sighs
and tries to understand
tries to let it go
tries to show
that it’s okay
really
i don’t think
he would want it
any other way
just the other day
he said
“after all she’s done for me i serve her”

real men
like my dad
realize that it’s
not what you have
it’s not what you take
or what you win
or what you gain
it’s losing yourself
to serve another
denying yourself
to comfort another
love is not a word
it’s washing her feet
helping her dress
cleaning the mess
changing the sheets
and all rest
that won’t
fit on this page

some might say
he is a hero
bigger than life
exemplary
extraordinary
and they would be right
but i think in the end
my dad loves his wife
his precious friend
it’s Freddy and Carmen
with love in their hearts
right from the start
they meant it
till death do us part
he’s still serving his bride

still
by
her
side