there is a desperate feigned beauty to a closed heart not present to pain like a tragic lullaby an inconsolable melody celebrating safety striving to look like peace reluctant to feel locked up in dark silence encased in emptiness
choose to feel to stay connected to what’s real stay in the pain even in the rain gifts are to be found don’t turn around lament all that is broken laugh as if it’s all okay cry because you know it’s not take a step of faith none of us is free from danger find a friend who will walk beside you and let you feel
taking time to just be on this gentle quiet morning by the sea
soothing waves share their melodies as soft hues of morning light fall upon the endless sand and fill my eyes with stilled wonder
i try to look down into the deep of my own heart and feel the sad songs find the gifts of grace stay in anger’s embrace pray for resurrection to race through the turmoil and the pain lift me higher again so i can return to You and in so doing return to me
slowly the luminance of the colors rise across the sky as the colors of love wash over me eternity is in my heart thankful for each crazy part of this thing called life
and i find that i’m choosing to let it all in i stand in the light while i’m feeling the pain that keeps falling like rain on my story again and the clouds crowd my soul so i let it all go carried on whispered prayers with hands pleading lifted in unspoken longings eyes searching for some kind of answer in this darkened light embracing the rain and the clouds and all the unseen running into the light as it reaches all that’s been perhaps a lament or two will see me through the paradox of this impermanent journey a time for everything and everything in time i’ll welcome the longing with singing celebrate the love with understanding that all is fading into unending yesterdays and the clouds crowd my soul so i let it all go and i’ll walk towards the light keep my eyes on things above and choose to love here below and let it all go through trembling whispers of faith until i find my way home with some amazing grace
remembering letting go surrendering finding slow winter’s cold a memory blooming color here comes summer seasons in my heart some things i can start again and some well they just are
moments in the sun will soon run away colors will fall winter will howl lonely branches will soon help me see
so i explore the seasons in my life some things must die some things bring so many whys
but with each blossom all this beauty wrapped up tightly waiting to spring i surrender let go and find some slow and sing
i haven’t thought this all the way through but i thought i’d share it with you i’ll start with a question or two do you see beauty around you do you see beauty within
colors and clouds shout out loud the sky canvas telling us connecting us to deeper fairer things do you see do you see
the beauty within you are an image bearer you are the only you but let’s set pride aside perfection does not reside inside His favor abides you are His child His creation
do you see beauty around you beauty within we are all a glorious ruin we are lost but we can see blind but we can be found do you see do you see
if a person’s heart breaks into pieces and gets lost is the dark abyss of depression and grief and no one is there what will that heart believe about the world and those who say i’m your family your friend
if a mind is fractured scattered shattered and full of noise and no one is there to listen to be close to wait as long as the storm lasts until the light breaks the night what will that mind understand what will that mind believe about people about this world
if a person is at the edge their heads so heavy in their hands their pulse impossibly accelerated their body rigid and tense every muscle screaming
stop
and no one is there to hold them hear them believe them what then ________________________
May is Mental Health Awareness month, at least here in the States. Do you need help? You are not alone. I don't want you to go another minute without assistance and encouragement. Contact a local counseling professional, a pastor, or feel free to contact me on the left side of my blog.
I grew up enjoying Eisenhower Park, near my home town of East Meadow. This park is larger than Central Park in New York City. I have wonderful memories of family picnics, winter sledding (my two brothers on top of my dad zooming down a steep hill), the amazing July 4th fireworks, and so much more. On my recent trip back home I once again headed to the park to enjoy a nice long walk. I was stunned to see this massive stadium being built! It is being built for the 2024 ICC Men’s T20 World Cup. The entire work area is fenced off, so this is the best I could do at 5′ 7″! Thanks for stopping by.
i’ll try and tell you why this endless sea and sky brings to me a sense of grace it’s a calming space memories of family my little legs running away from the waves or dancing above the hot sand shivering in the Atlantic cold maybe i’ll be bold and just jump right in and swim on the crest of this swell crashing down now in a swirl of briny sand tossed and thrown upon the shore i always got up and ran in for more i remember dad first taking my hand then lifting me in his arms as he marched into the sea delighted and frightened it’s all right i’ll hold on tight the waves don’t seem to bother him at all and if i stood still at the edge of the arriving and departing ocean i thought it was neat that the sand would steal my feet could it just swallow all of me into the salted sea it tasted so good to me the roar and crashing waves were like a melody and at the end of the day the world felt okay it was so good to be with family by the endless sky and sea
a slow meandering upon the ancient sands the sea reminding me how small i truly am and that’s totally okay
much more behind me than before me a few less steps remain the waves will sing long after my last breath
sometimes i just want to stop and join the clouds and sea just melt into the horizonless dance and stay listen and pray it can all feel so weary
still i journey on back to go forward reaching into the ocean of stories looking for that perfect shell listening for all is well remembering the glory still to come
yesterdays just fly away even memories are fading is anyone staying we are alone ever together with our life and with others we are alone
rutakintome pictures 
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