standing still contemplating all the strategic decisions that brought me here ready to take a new step on the journey navigating this ocean of feelings the sadness just beneath the surface of it all how do we traverse the relational mines of this broken world no more pretending more unmasking what lies beneath the smiles and the tears so tired of defending time to stop protecting and submit to truth to words that may hurt but will heal the path to connection spend more time in reflection admitting all that’s wrong in me it’s so easy to live suppressing love and heartache stepping into releasing it all to Him embracing the journey inward not hiding what others see accepting all that is turning away from denying all that is the fog of reality is clearer that the seemingly serene shimmer of self-deception the crying is from the lying vulnerability is moving towards being free intimacy or distancing the choice is up to me to live in authenticity and humility is to break through the veneer of safety and i’m certain that certainty is not so certain after all faith requires the tension of a solid hope amidst the crazy of the now hate and willful ignorance are easy it’s love that is hard
still on the journey through achromatic beauty everything is okay no really it is well sort of i can’t make sense of a anything everything will be okay at least i hope it will but there is the now the inbetween the stumbling not quite sure which way to turn i recognize this strange space of uncertainty and stillness and i cry fast forwarding isn’t fun i cry feels like a lonely drowning i cry a jumbled pile of grief and loss wading through shattered hope and i cry God help me to accept the immovable reality of now and rest inhale exhale rest i cry
Here is Part 2 of some images from my recent trip to Guatemala. Many of these were taken at Mixco Viejo: a fortress city Mayan Ruin. Thanks for stopping by!
Greetings! The blog has been quiet because for the third year in a row I have left the US for beautiful Guatemala. Each year our church partners with a church in San Lucas Sacatepéquez, Guatemala. We build homes for the poor in El Zapote, do basic medical and first aid training and other ministries. As you can see, we also enjoyed Lake Atitlan. Part 2 soon. Thanks for stopping by.
i’ll try and tell you why this endless sea and sky brings to me a sense of grace it’s a calming space memories of family my little legs running away from the waves or dancing above the hot sand shivering in the Atlantic cold maybe i’ll be bold and just jump right in and swim on the crest of this swell crashing down now in a swirl of briny sand tossed and thrown upon the shore i always got up and ran in for more i remember dad first taking my hand then lifting me in his arms as he marched into the sea delighted and frightened it’s all right i’ll hold on tight the waves don’t seem to bother him at all and if i stood still at the edge of the arriving and departing ocean i thought it was neat that the sand would steal my feet could it just swallow all of me into the salted sea it tasted so good to me the roar and crashing waves were like a melody and at the end of the day the world felt okay it was so good to be with family by the endless sky and sea
a slow meandering upon the ancient sands the sea reminding me how small i truly am and that’s totally okay
much more behind me than before me a few less steps remain the waves will sing long after my last breath
sometimes i just want to stop and join the clouds and sea just melt into the horizonless dance and stay listen and pray it can all feel so weary
still i journey on back to go forward reaching into the ocean of stories looking for that perfect shell listening for all is well remembering the glory still to come
yesterdays just fly away even memories are fading is anyone staying we are alone ever together with our life and with others we are alone
every now and then a little boy walks into the room he was already here he has never left i just acknowledge his presence
he sits and listens i share memories questions doubts fears longings words of comfort and remorse
i sit and listen as he shares stories wishes sorrows giggles secrets tears attempts to speak all that was real
our meeting is as a key to a lock slowly arranging tumblers a click or two closer to opening a box filled with light opening a chamber of forgiveness opening a door that has been tightly shut for too long diminishing the shadows and obscurity of what it means to be
sometimes we just gaze into each other and see our soul our converging wanderings and there is calm peace between us inside us not because all the mysteries were explained more because across our times we met found solace and remembered who we are who we are not what to grasp and what to set free
we used to gather to remain in the vine neighbor sister brother mother father singing our songs Kyrie eleison standing room only we were searching for Holy, Holy, Holy in a time of upheaval we found comfort in the cathedral of our hearts in the neighborhood sanctuary
candles prayers stained glass windows used to tell our stories guiding us toward glory dazzling testimonies told in fragile colors we were lost but we found each other and we found our heavenly Father Kyrie eleison
now just silent songs unsung melodies broken monochrome glass and look the vines enter in perhaps searching for souls maybe a prayer or two God make all this old to be new and begin in me please, Lord tell a story of your glory through all that is shattered in me as i sing the ancient song
the tension between making earthbound choices and setting my heart on things above
the tension between reputation protection and other-centered living
the tension between my anger and grace
the tension between forgiveness and revenge
the tension between my faith and loss and pain and my restless soul
the tension between being an image bearer and my shame
the tension between my title and my actions
the tension between crossing the bridge and playing it safe
the tension between myself and myself
the tension between the darkness and the light inside this heart of mine i fall i soar take flight only to stumble and cry for healing and why is it feeling like nothing makes sense at least sometimes nothing makes sense for there is a time for everything under this radiant sun time to take a step of faith He is not done i’m not at home so sometimes it doesn’t make sense
rutakintome pictures 
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