sometimes i’m miles from where i want to be can’t shake the shoulda and oughta be and like that tattered book on a dusty shelf i’m back in the story i keep telling myself this time i know it’s gonna change i’ll rearrange my point of view and maybe try something new like trying nothing at all and i’ll just fall upon your grace look in the mirror at this face and let you hold my heart and mind and wait until i find a place where i can rest and play like a zillow treasure a brand new home Lord help me i’m so prone to roam and wander away i wonder if you can help me find my way to the place where i want to be
in the stillness a silent language of colors calls to me darkness surrenders shadows succumb to nascent possibilities
birds soar and dance swimming in the prisms passing through the hues while the morning sings praises and a mirror river as deep as the sky beckons me to soar and fly or wade through the clouds and make a path to the sun to join the morning song to rest in the peace to release the tethers in my soul that i have buried in this sorrowful clay
tired of carrying these burdens i let them slip into the current i wait and trust and dare not close my eyes as the metamorphosis unfolds colors and light call to me nearly breathless i attune my ears to the passing moments the silent language speaks He is here and i am His
i’m on a lost and found table which means of course i know exactly where i am but no one else does
separated from certainty waiting to be recognized next to a gray hoodie and a pink water bottle adorned with barbie stickers and a pair of warby parker sun glasses
it’s funny how much stuff can go unnoticed and is apparently unwanted and how temporary and impossibly thin i can feel
like the shadow of a tree lengthening and diminishing as the sun welcomes the night
after all these years of waking up you realize that life is an apparition we are a mist on this earth
we toil and run sing and work dance and hate love and fret create and scream
and the theme of it all the ostinato beneath this journey is a longing that we know cannot be fulfilled while we are still here
we long to be free from being tethered to the soil and we know that we have been leaving since our story began we just want to stay
so instead of identifying where this longing leads we invest our souls in tiny pursuits expiration dates constrict all of our efforts to be known loved and declared worthy until we find ourselves on the lost and found table
screaming for someone to join our tribe yet afraid of losing our loneliness crying for justice and healing yet ignoring the wounds of our crumbling souls
i will be found
after all the warby parkers were picked up surely someone will will see me
moments that make you stop press the brake turn off the engine witness ponder and weep and i must tell you why beholding beauty takes intentionality a decision to fight the pull of gravity the darkness of this world birthed of pride arrogance abides amidst the lies that sound so noble that sound so true but if your eyes are open you will see hidden in the gray light blind leaders with black souls immovable stubbornness meet resistance with persistent songs of hubris and insolence and lives are lost icy parades march on drones scream hearts go pale a son cannot hear his mother's wails and sighs a fatherless girl is forgotten lost in an ocean of why eyes taken from this world never to witness God’s lavish crimson stroke on a blue canvas Lord have mercy help me to remember
This is my Father’s world. O let me ne’er forget That though the wrong seems oft so strong, God is the ruler yet. This is my Father’s world: the battle is not done: Jesus Who died shall be satisfied, And earth and Heav’n be one.*
if the light can reach my soul then why can’t i find my way if the words can pierce my mind then why are there none to say if the room is filled with friends then why am i so alone if i just can’t see the end then where am i to go
if i can sing a melody of fire then why is it cold at night if i can walk along a distant shore then why am i sad and my eyes so dry if i can run into your arms then why is the path so long if i can wander in a field of memories then why do i awake forlorn
fly oh my soul fly the Light has come down for you guiding your searching soul His promises faithful and and true for they will mend and make you whole and remember the never-forsaking God is beside you let His embrace define you
fly oh my soul fly His fire will scatter the night stay on the sorrowful shore and raise your tears to the sky as you open your heart and let go of the why yes it’s narrow and steep so stay on your knees and fly oh my soul fly
time to begin time to restore time to connect time to shout time to be still time to forgive time to ponder time to surrender time to confess time to grieve time to let go time to rage time to diminish time to sing time to receive time to stop time to harvest time to pray time to feel time to part time to give time to run time to open time to kneel time to finish time to conquer time to rest time to be time to plead time to weep time to finish time to love time to hope
like trying to hold the sands of the shore moments slipping away swallowed by tide and time like jumping high to swing from the clouds only to fall through the sky i tried to keep a moment or two
like a sunset over a soybean field or at the end of the road or a monochrome lighthouse showing the way to giant icicles on climbing day or two little girls on a summer swing with nana in the middle all is well or a grand city that rises and falls while a grand old bridge anchors it all or our two sons walking by the river or coffee starlings dancing in the air safe from the wind farm or the fire in the sky above a river flowing like time through fields and towns and seasons and lives until it joins the the moments in the sea and sand that still are slipping through my hands
if i were only able to walk i would roam to the sea to the top of the mountains and to the deep forest trees if i were only able to run i would chase the sunset win the race to the sunrise run after all the colors of the skies and if i could fly well if i could fly and soar i would explore the world with the power of my wings as i listened to the sky colors sing never again to walk or run i would fly with the sun ascend to the stars and oh the songs i would sing as i fly and carry the moon on my wings
when i see all the unrest the could care less and carelessness from those who should be our best it’s like a colorless sunset hollow empty shiny but still somethin’s missin’ life is just dissin’ you and me got to see these leaders and who they really be raisin’ anger makin’ danger riled up fired up lied to free to upset regress and not reset the soul or console the whole of our cities our children all the cryin’ moms does anyone hear the tears they just busy shoutin’ making fear screamin’ for what what do you want take off your mask and task yourself with being someone who is against the grain relieving pain runnin’ away from the insane inane life drain of sin and self of placing humanity on the shelf so your cause won’t die what’s the use if we just abuse and use and consider others refuse to throw away when they refuse to say what i want them to say Lord color us with mercy and grace make space for us to change and stop leaning into feelings and stay here kneeling into releasing the darkness we think is the light color our hearts with love light and truth solid unchangeable unquenchable truth fire that is higher than our silly ways have your way save us from us and deliver us to a new that never dies and that one day will help us to transcend the skies and leave this place of sorrow and woe no more night no more pain tears left behind oh God above make it so make it so we confess our sin leave judgment to you invite you to look within our broken hearts help us to start to say no to lies and yes to your truth oh God have mercy have mercy oh God color our hearts like a sunset singing loud testifying that you are here you entered our pain lived died and rose again HALLELUJAH! won’t you help us down here won’t you help us down here
i don't know about you but there is so much i need to say goodbye to i'll welcome the endings practice some surrendering
it's hard to study all the expectations that are now a pile of eliminations i thought this or that would be the life i would have releasing longings into the fiery ending of this day i guess it will be okay
turns out being free is not about me trying to step aside God are you tired of hearing about my pride set is ablaze like the end of this day i'm tired of getting my way
love and hope sin and shadow peace and stillness heartache and sorrow is there a place deep in the marrow of my soul where all the counterpoint of being human is awakened restored and rises whole
saying goodbye to all that tethers me to this dirt i'd rather stiffen my neck than lift up my eyes stand on my own than fall to my knees search me and know my heart let all the parts of me that you see with grace and mercy
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