i wonder what she’s praying for she’s pleading for she’s kneeling for i wonder what this child of God is asking of her Lord
perhaps for peace inside her soul and in this world and in this world perhaps for peace inside your soul won’t you plead with her now
perhaps for love inside her soul and in your heart and in your heart perhaps for love inside her soul won’t you plead with her now
i wonder what she’s praying for she’s pleading for she’s kneeling for i wonder what this child of God is asking of her Lord
perhaps for rest from all her pain from all her pain from all her pain perhaps for rest for you and me from all the pain we feel
perhaps for pardon from her sins from her sins from her sins perhaps for pardon for your sins won’t you implore with her now
i wonder what she’s praying for she’s pleading for she’s kneeling for i wonder what this child of God is asking of her Lord
i wonder if we all could kneel we all could kneel we all could kneel i wonder if we all could kneel and join her right now cry out with her now be humble with her now be a child of God right now
you think the truth you spittin is hittin and all the while it’s missin the heart why don’t you start with the 2 x 4 stickin out your face you call it grace you say you love but it feels like a shove of theological grooves that in your mouth is just fake news we all got the blues we all need the truth take a look in the mirror are you clearer to you maybe you should go feel and find what you left behind there’s nothin new under that big bright star who do you think you are who do you think you are
start something new in me set me free to be restin instead of testin everybody’s this and that where am i at what am i going to be show me me show me me
you say you prayin but you just slayin throwin hollow verses that feel like curses and what’s worse is that when you done you done silence no presence silence no assistance silence no shoulder to cry on active love to rely on your logic doesn’t do a thing get in the ring and fight for the unseen the unnoticed are real whatever they see this world to be connection is what they need don’t log off when you have your say and just walk away why don’t you show up level up your argument is sound but your heart can’t be found you stand your ground as you ground others down
start something new in me set me free to be restin instead of testin everybody’s this and that where am i at what am i going to be show me me show me me
sometimes it feels like i don’t know anymore can you point me to the exit door i thought it would be the tribe that had the right vibe or the cool cause would become my why but I find myself asking why the night seems darker and all the sides just lie messages dance and prance through the social media sphere shouting the truth is here the truth is here the truth is here what you see is what is true period what i see is false period we’re both right we’re both wrong period so we sing our song loud and proud and if you won’t sing along and if I won’t play cancel cancel cancel we say but i am here and so are you maybe the push to win is just polished acceptable sin i’m trying to see to open my heart to start a conversation to lay down my weapons to deal with me to recognize what’s inside this flawed broken man learning to stand on my knees dear God help me please to realize that there is no prize waiting for any side when we choose to erase a person who has or doesn’t have faith we all bear His image we all need a center it can’t be me it can’t be you the Creator’s justice His love and grace is solid and true for me for you the human race needs to slow down and embrace our limited sight our twisted mind and instead taste and see He is good He is good He is good you and i are not the answer to the problems we’ve made it’s the enemy within this fractured soul that needs redemption to be made whole what if we stopped stealing the healing with all our shouting and screaming and in stillness and silence we met our Creator and finally meet ourselves as we really are and quietly pray change me change me change me
i don't know about you but there is so much i need to say goodbye to i'll welcome the endings practice some surrendering
it's hard to study all the expectations that are now a pile of eliminations i thought this or that would be the life i would have releasing longings into the fiery ending of this day i guess it will be okay
turns out being free is not about me trying to step aside God are you tired of hearing about my pride set is ablaze like the end of this day i'm tired of getting my way
love and hope sin and shadow peace and stillness heartache and sorrow is there a place deep in the marrow of my soul where all the counterpoint of being human is awakened restored and rises whole
saying goodbye to all that tethers me to this dirt i'd rather stiffen my neck than lift up my eyes stand on my own than fall to my knees search me and know my heart let all the parts of me that you see with grace and mercy
sons and brothers brothers and sons may you carry well the love i tried to share with you magnify any wisdom you may have seen or heard please forgive me when you were young i was trying to figure it out too and it still feels like i am beginning
and now you walk together and can see more as you share the path tell each other the story of your movements through this world and through my shadows you may see me as i hoped to be as i was and as i am
know i hold you both the breadth and length of you stories are tucked away in my heart an endless album of images and melodies from the day the music of your tears announced your birth to this moment as you read these words i hold you both in love in honor with pride with joy my sons my dear sons love one another
This blog has been quiet lately because we sold our home and moved to a new home! The new house is about 8 miles from our old house. We have been talking about downsizing for a few years now and… here we are! Packing up 20 years of living is crazy! We are grateful. Recently someone asked if I miss our old house. My reply, “Not at all.” However, I didn’t expect it to be so hard to say goodbye to our dining table. I helped the family who purchased our table and hutch by dismantling as much of the table as I could. When they took the table top out, the tears suddenly came.
a sturdy table how many times did we say grace a setting a space for us just to be… us
conversations confessions interactions admissions revelations contrition a table is set and becomes the place where all the weight of grave and gold stories are told and the broken bread leaves a trail leading to baby cries spaghetti on the floor broken family ties a spilled drink someone’s at the door embraces of grace birthday candles graduation cake love is a messy thing it’s a long dangerous journey of faith hope and love
homework and coffee thanksgiving turkey deep, endless laughter tears and the dread of uncertainty are served alongside a heap of understanding conflict and honesty
i was surprised when the tears appeared as the table was hauled away i wondered would they take away the echoes of our conversations the forgiveness that we found the acceptance that we gave the hurt that was served the pain that was assuaged
it’s called downsizing but my tears are singing a different tune my soul is filled my hearts breaks somewhere along the fault line of gratitude and lament time to reset the table of my heart a place of welcome peace family love
in and around this tattered old town nestled in the state of my mind taking a stroll on the pathways through my soul standing on the corner i see memories of younger days melodies of different ways on a street named regret at the corner of joy looking for an answer or two reaching for something true since i was a boy
acceptance forgiveness and gratitude my heart yearns for something more than the sum total of my days so i set my gaze on things above the unseen real unfailing love
and i wait
and choose to be still
as the sun
settles down
on this old tattered town
i welcome
the end of this day
knowing it is the only way
to a new dawn
another pathway
hidden in the Light
safe in Him
i rise
i am safe in Him
i’ll rise
something solid something sure at the beginning of the end and i am feeling insecure what will it take for this heart to settle down i think it’s something solid something sure
something that lasts something i can count on i can’t seem to stop surrendering to the stories i tell myself no happy endings why am i spending time in all the shadows won’t you tell me please what will it take for my mind to be at ease i think something that lasts something i can count on
something quiet something safe when it all unravels when the puzzle pieces don’t match the picture on the box what will it take for my soul to rest for my eyes to see i think it must be something quiet something safe
there is an old story of the Son of Man that abides through the centuries He walked upon the same ancient soil that i stumble upon His words true and sure pierce my heart and a small glowing calm lifts my head
for He was before and will always be His love is for all time and my mind can’t understand but i choose to anchor my thoughts to the peace of His everlasting wisdom His never ending love
and into all my searching in the midst of all the bingeing and the scrolling He shouts stillness into the noise of my life calming restoring reminding renewing resurrecting and singing over me the pain remains but i am unharmed confusion seems to hold sway but my fear is consoled by His presence beside me above me beneath me all around me there is a storm but He is
thinking about nothing at all while everything is running around in my mind getting acquainted with a dull ache emanating from somewhere in the middle of the center of the core of my tacet anxiety settling down into an emotional complacency trying to find some safety to make sense of it all Immanuel is sleeping in the boat while the weight of my heart makes every step so hard inches are like miles enclosed on every side by confusion and helplessness what can i offer what can i say what can i do awake my soul for the sleeping Man of Sorrows knows this storm my soul comes to rest on a cold lonely shore and i wait the winds and waves are His i wait
we sing of a silent night and of a Wonderful Counselor born on a bleak mid-winter of starry skies and angel choirs while rushing here and late again there parties and gatherings there’s so much left on our lists
we want Christmas in our culture but is Christ in our hearts buy now pay later real time tracking replaces real time reflecting pondering the Prince of Peace Immanuel God with us
we wail and cry for the suffering in this world while we pass by the violence we commit against ourselves we stream and binge have another drink or two or we click buy now pushing the pain away hoping this shallow happiness will stay even though we know it’s just a matter of time before that dark cold low presses on our chest so we keep doing maybe later later we will rest
the hope of the world this baby boy born into the icy darkness of our souls is He welcome in the home of your heart
the light of the world born into the chaos that is our pain do we surrender to His invitation filled with grace and truth
for He entered into our suffering He walked this place of sorrows the Creator holds the universe in the palm of his tiny hands
O Jesus little baby boy hold me help me have mercy on me
rutakintome pictures 
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