Tag: love

embodied grace and love

I know! I married and movie star! (And now, this starlet is not too happy with the way I started this tribute!)

Because my bride, my love, is only a movie star if you measure stardom by the capacity to live your life for others, by the authenticity and safety you give others because you are integrated and at peace with yourself, and by fulfilling your role as mom and Nana with embodied grace and love.

Perfection is not for those who wish to be impactful mothers. It is a messy, imperfect, daunting, perilous journey, filled with detours, fireworks worthy joys and celebrations, hurts, and the work and often difficult commitment to love… selflessly… with abandon… I am so grateful for the grace and love that I see in our kids that came from their mom.

Nana: Thoughtful. Present. Patient. Giving. Ruth makes everyone feel special, seen, welcome, safe… and that’s her with any other adult that is a part of her world.

But for her grand kids… well… turn up the volume and crank the bass all the way up! She is all in. She has a way of making small things special. A ride to school turns into a conversation where she expresses care, love and affirmation. A visit to her office turns into an opportunity for a grand child to partner with Nana and all the important work she does.

There are too many examples to name, but Nana consistently speaks life over these kids. She connects with them in deep levels that are understood between her and each child.

She is a shining star in the hearts of all who know her… especially her beloved grandchildren. I am grateful.

sageness… moxie… love… my mom

What follows are small scenes that have surfaced in my heart as I reflect on my mom. She passed away in 2023.

I can remember, as a child, laying on my mother’s lap as she gently consoled me through the pain of another ear infection. I can only imagine, in a moment like that, the pain that my mom might have been feeling. She lost her first child.

For my mom, it seemed as if every cough sneeze, or stomach ache was an emergency room triage worthy event. And who could blame her. An abiding, dark sorrow walked beside her until she passed. I believe her great love came from her immeasurable capacity to give of herself and serve, and her fear of loss. I am grateful that she is at rest, and has been reunited with her first child.

This may sound odd, but my mom carried herself the way I would imagine a person of true royalty would. Not in a high and mighty way, or in any way that would set her apart from others – she was the most grounded person I may ever know. She was soft spoken, easily discerned people, and gave respect and attention to any one, while quietly expecting the same. She was barely 5 feet tall, but she was regal and statuesque of heart, mind, and soul.

I cannot remember my mom without remembering my dad. In her nineties, I had the privilege of watching my dad wash my mom’s feet. Every morning he carefully washed them, then he applied lotion and an analgesic with a precision and caution that any surgeon would envy. Sacred moments.

While my mom’s melancholy and depression was always near, she had a capacity for celebration and joy that, for as long as it lasted, kicked sadness and affliction down the street. Her laughter was a sunrise… a million stars in a heartbroken sky.

Wisdom + Insight + Discernment + Knowledge + Experience + Lots of moxie + Love = mom.

I suppose that if any one of us carried the weight of this life for as long as my mom did, we would be willing and eager to be free, to leave this world, to bid farewell to the ephemeral joys and pleasures that may come, and to awaken in an eternity of unwavering, holy promises from our Lord. My mother has no need for a lamp or light, and she, who wept so, has no more tears. All of her burdens have now been lifted. I miss her smile. Her love. Her wisdom. Her sageness and savvy. I am so grateful for my mom.

on my way home

i’m on a road
i think i’m in control
i think i know where i need to go
i think i can see
i think i can find my way back home
i think there’s nothing behind me
so why am i surprised
at the tears in my eyes
trying to be free
while looking for a sign
to ease my mind
as i struggle 
to leave behind
all the troubled times
i carry in my soul
things said and done
they take a toll
make me want to run
but i choose to stay
and follow the Way
i sing of amazing grace
i sing through my tears
of a perfect love
that drives away fear
as the rain plays a melody
reminding me
that i am not in control
but i’m safe in the shadow
of the wings of His love
as i travel
on my way home

as if we really believe

where is heart of the church
the part that heals and feels pain
and seeks to secure
the good of the poor
the stranger
the unnoticed
we pursue innovation
but we need renovation
of the inside of our soul
the content of our heart
so we can be a part
of redeeming all that fell
and all the hell in and around us as well

it is time to rebuild
to be still
to make a decision of the will
to put on the Lord Jesus
clothed in grace
we move into the world
that God so loved that he gave
and embrace the stranger
welcome the foreigner
we face our flaws
surrender our rights
and set our sights
on washing feet
extending a hand
we stand
as ambassadors of the Way
and we stay
we forgive
today we live
not for ourselves
but for those in need
for those who cry
and die alone
for those who cry
without a home

what has gone wrong
that we have become
a resounding gong
we sing all those sunday songs
and harbor hate
hold a grudge
belittle our spouse
to name just a few
and hide in the house
of our pride
we mock and scorn
an opposing view
and then we lock our soul
in the rigid soil
of i must win
and we stew in the cauldron
of our sin

Holy Spirit
enter into the dark hidden sins
for we are clanging cymbals
who serve and sing and teach
we study read and systematically
arrange our grand theology
and solve the mysteries
give knowledge increase
but we are just running
from what is the greatest of these
we are nothing
without love

renovate our mind
restore our heart
we have made such a mess
let us be people of kindness
taking our place
in rhythms of grace
walking talking and loving
as if we really believe
that he has Risen

as if we really believe

merry christmas

Dear WordPress family: wishing you all a joyful Holiday Season filled with light, love, and peace for you and yours.

i wonder

i wonder what she’s praying for
she’s pleading for
she’s kneeling for
i wonder what this child of God
is asking of her Lord

perhaps for peace inside her soul
and in this world
and in this world
perhaps for peace inside your soul
won’t you plead with her now

perhaps for love inside her soul
and in your heart
and in your heart
perhaps for love inside her soul
won’t you plead with her now

i wonder what she’s praying for
she’s pleading for
she’s kneeling for
i wonder what this child of God
is asking of her Lord

perhaps for rest from all her pain
from all her pain
from all her pain
perhaps for rest for you and me
from all the pain we feel

perhaps for pardon from her sins
from her sins
from her sins
perhaps for pardon for your sins
won’t you implore with her now

i wonder what she’s praying for
she’s pleading for
she’s kneeling for
i wonder what this child of God
is asking of her Lord

i wonder if we all could kneel
we all could kneel
we all could kneel
i wonder if we all could kneel
and join her right now
cry out with her now
be humble with her now
be a child of God
right now

you

when was the last time
you walked across
the noise in your life
and journeyed
into the depth of you

when was the last time
you just were still
and present to your soul
your longing
your sorrow
your joy
your hope
your anxiety
your darkness

when was the last time
you closed your eyes
and settled into your spirit
named the pain
let the tears carry away the sorrow

when was the last time
you heard your voice
when it tore down another soul
did it leave you broken
did it stab your heart

when was the last time
you surrendered
you admitted your limits
faced your shadows
let pride fall away in humility

when was the last time
you said
thank you
i love you
i was wrong
please forgive me
i need help

when was the last time
you leaned into your ordinariness
you opened your heart
to your strengths and weaknesses
you listened to feedback
you didn’t defend yourself

when was the last time
you were you
not as you think you are
but listened to others
and how they experience
you

you are an ocean
a vast sea of dreams
of loss
laughter
weeping
of love
fear
perseverance
sin
of cowardice
strength
power
kindness
of impotence
clarity
valor
uncertainty
and so much more

you
are
human
created by God
loved by God
seek Him
rest in Him
receive His love
live in His grace
receive His forgiveness
be alive
in Him
He knows full well
you
are
human

good-bye hello

say good-bye
to the veneer covering your soul
to shallow shadow living
say hello to all you are
those parts of you
kept tidy and tucked away
integrate your shiny self
with your darkness too

say good-bye
to not knowing
you
to not reflecting
to not pondering
how those you love
experience
you
say hello
to living inside out
be present to yourself
listen
listen
listen
as others share
what they see
who they see
what they feel

say good-bye
to running here and there
to getting it all done
to being okay with the frazzle
breaking your mind
feeding your anxiety
say hello to stillness
to stopping
ceasing
waiting
to closing your eyes
just breathing
say good-bye
to pretending
you’re doing fine
the pain in your body
is telling a different story
all that scrolling
diminishes you
watching another series
living other’s lives
just won’t do
say hello
to being real
to crying
to sobbing
to lamenting
the hard stories
that live in you
must be told

say good-bye
to your own strength
intellect
will
gifts
determination
you’re such a success
but kind of a mess
say hello
to faith
to trust
you did not make yourself
He created you
every moment is written
His thoughts about you
are precious

help me see me

you think the truth you spittin
is hittin and all the while
it’s missin the heart
why don’t you start with the
2 x 4 stickin out your face
you call it grace you say you love
but it feels like a shove
of theological grooves
that in your mouth
is just fake news
we all got the blues
we all need the truth
take a look in the mirror
are you clearer to you
maybe you should go
feel and find what you left behind
there’s nothin new
under that big bright star
who do you think you are
who do you think you are

start something new in me
set me free to be
restin instead of testin
everybody’s this and that
where am i at
what am i going to be
show me
me
show me
me

you say you prayin
but you just slayin
throwin hollow verses
that feel like curses
and what’s worse
is that when you done
you done
silence
no presence
silence
no assistance
silence
no shoulder to cry on
active love to rely on
your logic doesn’t do a thing
get in the ring and fight for the unseen
the unnoticed are real
whatever they see this world to be
connection is what they need
don’t log off when you have your say
and just walk away
why don’t you show up
level up
your argument is sound
but your heart can’t be found
you stand your ground
as you ground others down

start something new in me
set me free to be
restin instead of testin
everybody’s this and that
where am i at
what am i going to be
show me
me
show me
me

the only way

will we ever learn
doesn’t it concern you
what will it take to get through
your hype your type
your tight tight grip
you don’t want to slip
so you give others your lip
you just strip away humanity
society can’t be free
with all this anxiety
you think you're the most
with your posts
you say i’ll be free
he says i’ll be free
she says i’ll be free
if i just see what he sees
say what she sees
be what he sees
like a virus
you spiral your viral
perspective
what makes you think
others want your infection
when they know
it’s about selection
who’s in who’s out
i need a heart mask
to stop the bleeding
i’m reeling
my soul is spinning
nobody is winning
this losing game
no one is willing
to stop the blaming
shaming
conflating
the Cross
the flag
the dross will be tossed
someone is hungry
someone is alone
someone has no home
being taken from their own
who are we feeding
do we visit the prison
or stay behind the bars
we keep building around our hearts
did you listen to their story
did you listen to their pain
what does it matter if you gain
the whole world
but
LOSE
YOUR
SOUL
i can’t believe 
what some will rearrange
disengage and exchange
for their soul
LORD
HAVE
MERCY
the only way
to be free
is to get on our knees
Jesus wept