i suppose
that when
in your 90’s
that the road
behind you
has more to tell
than the road ahead
and instead of the worry
and the hurry
to get
where you thought
you should be
you listen to
that long long road
i hear my mom
as she walks that road
and stops along the way
she pauses and wonders
what can she say
to give thanks to God
for her family
what can she say
to give thanks to God
for all the love
that surrounded
her journey
in one story
she laments her losses
then as the tears are flowing
a moment comes to the surface
and suddenly she laughs
sorrow harmonizes with joy
laughter sings with tragedy
but still
still gives thanks
and on that road
she remembers
all the gifts
without number
that she has shared
with family
with friends
now she’s tired
her most frequent visitor
is pain
here eyes are dim
but her voice
doesn’t wane
as she skips down that road
picking memories
like a beautiful rose
she holds in her hands
the important things
that somehow
we forget
but she knows
and her wisdom falls
like sweet silver snow
on the hearts
of all who listen
bringing light
and it just glistens
in your soul
she recalls the years
with pride
and with deep lament
she speaks
of her mom and dad
her sisters
her brothers
with thankfulness
carried by her tears
she speaks of their love
so
much
love
there is a power
in her spirit
that pays no attention
to her age
or the sheer exhaustion
of each day
her diminished frame
is a sanctuary
of strength
and love
i hope i have passed along
the smallest portion
of her love to my family
for even a fragment
of that love
would fill the world
would flood a soul
would help mend the wounds
we all carry
thank you mom
for speaking truth
for remembering to laugh
for lamenting all the sadness
for all your love
so
much
love
here’s to
cloudy christmas days
and windy songs
weaving through
the barren trees
can’t sing along
with the howling melodies
i’d rather stay
and be in this
cloudy christmas day
here’s to
cloudy christmas days
you see there’s loss
and grief
a friend in need
the clouds
are all around him now
nothing makes much sense
anyhow
except this
cloudy christmas day
here’s to
cloudy christmas days
when the dark tree
seems to be
the proper choice
i need to give voice
to loss
to mystery
and the agony
that stings a bit more
you never know
what’s in store
on a cloudy
christmas day
so i’ll just feel
this cloudy christmas day
the tears say
it’s ok
i know Eternal Love
has come
and Peace
and Light
i am trusting
through my tears
in the Way
the Truth
the Life
on this
cloudy christmas day
what if today
you stopped
and decided
to be
and not just
to do
stillness
instead of the illness
of this
or that
can you be with yourself
can you open your heart
to the presence
of He who made all of the stars
and thought of you
before your first cry
before the first time
you opened your eyes
just close your eyes
breathe
He knows your name
breathe
He loves you
just be
take time
to remind
your mind
that you
are
loved
you
are
His
just
be
say goodbye
and set aside
the troubles
that are storming inside
at days end
now it's all
a remember when
so feel the sads
the mads
the glads
but more than these
give thanks and see
the treasures
the pleasures
that were yours
remember
the sum of them all
is the story of you
the unrepeatable you
a treasure
created by your Maker
who paints the sky
a masterpiece
be at peace
you
unrepeatable
you
be
at
peace
and have
a
nook night
you are not the lies
that tattle and rattle inside
a beauty will rise
when you tell those lies
to slip away and die
in the Light
of your Maker
oh the song of your life
is greater
than those failures
want you to believe
because we’re all
a crazy remix
and mash up
of brilliant stars
and tattered rags
of bumps and dents
that’s who we are
so don’t do anything
just stand
in the Light
of your Maker
oh the song of your life
is greater
than shame
and blame
want you to believe
breathe
just be
and breathe
and see
the Light
inside you
breathe
just be
and breathe
and see
the Light
inside you
you are more
than all
you do
just breathe
your identity
is more than all
you do
you are here
a masterpiece
just breathe
and be at peace
and receive
His love
His light
receive
at this ripe young age
can it be three score
as i turn each page
i know less not more
and the more of less i know
it seems
it’s about letting go
i let go of the boy
i used to be
though he still
seems to want his own way
so still letting go
of my selfish ways
that boy won’t go away
that’s okay
i’m learning
letting go
i let go of just me
“i do” means now “we”
can it be two score
and there is so much more
of letting go
that i need to know
for “we”
letting go of
seeking me in her
letting go
of smashing mirrors
with my pride
letting go
of thinking
it’s better to hide
letting go
of staying inside
my head
letting go
of keeping my heart
to myself
i guess
the long slow road
of letting go of self
letting go
of expectations
of
well
everything
and
everyone
letting go
of just taking
letting go
of just faking
that we’re all okay
i pray i practice well
all the lettings go’s
that wait for me
‘cause someday soon
the last let go
will come into my room
and i want peace
and i want to know
that all those other letting go’s
will help me see
what waits for me
is an eternal embrace
it really is amazing grace
He never has
and never will
let go
of me
sometimes i feel
like i don’t belong
i’m not a part
of the song
that everyone
seems to know
and i wonder
if i’ll ever know
how to sing again
you see i’m not quite sure
what’s deep inside
i’m not quite sure
that i’m all right
i’m not quite sure
if i
matter
did i ever
matter
hey world
i wonder
if it’s okay with you
to quietly say
i’m not okay
i’m sad
and
don’t
know
why
i’m mad
and even when i try
to find some rest
all i find
is just a mess
i’m just a mess
so i still will pray
peace be still
God please
invade my heart
and my will
and let me see
what you see
in me
and rest
i am a mess
but i’ll rest
in You
i’ll rest
in You
dear mommy
dear daddy
i’m sorry
you’re sad
i want you
to know that
i am
with Peace
i am
at peace
dear mommy
dear daddy
this wasn’t
your fault
i want you
to know that
i am free
of pain
dear mommy
dear daddy
when grieving
gives space
the light
that you gave me
let it shine
in this world
so many
are living
but they’re
not alive
lonely
forgotten
and screaming
inside
it would
make me
so happy
to know
you
are
listening
dear mommy
dear daddy
give others
what you
gave me
love
light
life
dear mommy
dear daddy
if i could just say
this longing
this knowing
it’s not supposed
to be this way
we all know it
we all see it
do you know
what it means
that we all
know this place
that we never
have seen
where all is made right
no darkness only light
where mommies
and daddies
at the end of the day
hug their children
and play
and love
is over all
in all
between all
so let us all pray
Your Kingdom come
Your will be done
on earth
as it is
in heaven
- written with lament, sorrow, love and prayers for those who lost everything and for the community of Uvalde
there is a river of love
coming down for us
flowing down for us
my Lord
there is a river of hope
reaching out for us
speaking into us
my Lord
i don’t know what to make
of this world anymore
i’m tired of crying
want to see a different shore
i don’t know what to make
of these anxious thoughts
i don’t think i can take
all this pain we’ve wrought
my Lord
here’s my life
here’s my heart
there is a river of peace
oh He’s here for me
oh He’s here for you
my Lord
there is a river of life
washing over us
healing all of us
my Lord
i don’t know what to make
of this world anymore
i’m tired of crying
want to see a different shore
i don’t know what to make
of this sadness inside
just want to be awake
on the other side
my Lord
here’s my life
here’s my heart
there is a river of light
shining in the dark
singing in my heart
my Lord
there is a river of time
forever i am yours
forever i am yours
my Lord
forever i am yours
my Lord
i saw and heard the dawn
sing color songs
that danced in my mind
though my eyes saw the beauty
solace i could not find
i wondered what song
was sung by the sky
to other sets of eyes
that wept for peace
shut tight in disbelief
in a land covered
with grievous dawns
unbearable loss
hovers over the streets
like so many tear drops
ever falling
that never drain
the ocean of sorrow
and pain
i pray for new dawns
singing color songs
children dancing
sing along
for joy and light
to fill each soul
and peace
to fall
in stillness
let peace fall
in stillness
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