i’m on a lost and found table which means of course i know exactly where i am but no one else does
separated from certainty waiting to be recognized next to a gray hoodie and a pink water bottle adorned with barbie stickers and a pair of warby parker sun glasses
it’s funny how much stuff can go unnoticed and is apparently unwanted and how temporary and impossibly thin i can feel
like the shadow of a tree lengthening and diminishing as the sun welcomes the night
after all these years of waking up you realize that life is an apparition we are a mist on this earth
we toil and run sing and work dance and hate love and fret create and scream
and the theme of it all the ostinato beneath this journey is a longing that we know cannot be fulfilled while we are still here
we long to be free from being tethered to the soil and we know that we have been leaving since our story began we just want to stay
so instead of identifying where this longing leads we invest our souls in tiny pursuits expiration dates constrict all of our efforts to be known loved and declared worthy until we find ourselves on the lost and found table
screaming for someone to join our tribe yet afraid of losing our loneliness crying for justice and healing yet ignoring the wounds of our crumbling souls
i will be found
after all the warby parkers were picked up surely someone will will see me
barrenness is an opportunity to be filled is an opportunity to bless someone in need is an opportunity to be emptied of self is an opportunity to confront misplaced desires is an opportunity to know who you are is an opportunity to confess on your knees is an opportunity to find the way the truth and the life is an opportunity to have a reference point in the tumult of your soul is an opportunity to be still in the storm is an opportunity to let silence have its way is an opportunity to let go of this word is an opportunity to surrender your life is an opportunity to shelter beneath the shadow of His wings is an opportunity to gain everything is an opportunity to truly live is an opportunity to find your identity in the uncreated One is an opportunity to truly be alive
What does the crucifixion and death of Jesus on the Cross say to our modern, latte driven, texting oriented, overscheduled lives?
One of my earliest memories as a child was the large Cross in the sanctuary of the church I grew up in. When I tell my story I talk about how I first heard God speak to me as I pondered the Cross. It was not an audible voice I heard. It was more like an understanding that gently covered me. Looking at the figure of an emaciated, gaunt, suffering Jesus nearly dangling on a cross is the most important moment and image any one of us will ever behold or contemplate.
It is there where the mystery of the love and mercy of God meets the sin and darkness in my soul. It is there where the whole world can find freedom and forgiveness and where God lifts the burden and pain of failure and shame from the back of our souls, and from the very core of our being.
I am not speaking of magic, or some metaphysical allegory that somehow heals my brokenness. The Cross is not a place upon which we toss our wishful thinking. Reject it, mock it, turn away from it in disbelief… its power and proclamation remains undiminished… unhindered:
He did not retaliate when he was insulted, nor threaten revenge when he suffered. He left his case in the hands of God, who always judges fairly.
He personally carried our sins in his body on the cross so that we can be dead to sin and live for what is right. By his wounds you are healed. Once you were like sheep who wandered away. But now you have turned to your Shepherd, the Guardian of your souls. – 1 Peter 2:23-25
The Cross is real. The suffering is unimaginable. In the course of human history no one has suffered like Jesus did. No one. Ever. Isaiah rightly describes Jesus and, apart from His grace and mercy, my response to Him. Our response to Him:
He was despised and rejected—a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief. We turned our backs on him and looked the other way. He was despised, and we did not care. – Isaiah 53:3
And it is the suffering of Jesus that, even as a young boy, called from deep within me a profound and unstoppable hope.
Look at the Cross. Reflect on the suffering of Jesus. This is what the love of God looks like. As a boy, I remember the light from the candles in St. Raphael’s parish dancing on the face of Jesus. Hope in flashes of flickering light on the crucified Christ. Now, so many years later, I realize that one of the many gifts of the suffering of Jesus is the assurance that he knows my suffering. He knows our suffering.
Have you ever been falsely accused? I bet you didn’t like it. Have you ever heard a friend make a promise to have your back and to see you through to the end, only to have that friend leave you all alone. All of Jesus’ friends did that to him. Have you ever felt that aweful deep down ache because you were misunderstood? Have you ever been physically struck and hurt because someone else thought it was funny? Have you ever been made fun of? Mocked? Have you ever experienced anxiety? Jesus sweated drops of blood as he prayed to His Father to, …take this cup from me.
Jesus chose to suffer for you. Now we can look to Him and ask Him to guide us, give us grace and help us in our suffering and pain. But we must follow Him. It is too easy to want resurrection – and all praise to God, for Jesus is alive. But the only road to life and the light of Christ is the road of suffering.
We must follow Him along the via Dolorosa. The release from our pain, the soothing of our anxiety, the healing of our bodies, the calming of our mind is along the path of darkness, uncertainty, disorientation, rejection and confusion. It is taking our Cross and following Jesus. It is kneeling beside Him in the garden and saying not my will, but yours be done.
Good Friday. 2026. The Cross of Jesus.
Will you reflect on the Cross today? Will you see Jesus suffering for you so that you, in the midst of heartache, loss, anxiety, rejection, and sorrow, can also experience the hope and understanding of our loving Savior?
Over the course of my life it seems that Jesus has continually reminded me of the grace, love and power of the Cross.
There was a Cross above us on the day we were married. I saw the Cross at the end of a pew in the sad remains of the church I grew up in. I saw the Cross in a small wooden prayer room decorated with the prayers of God’s children. I saw the Cross brightly break through a cold, winter morning. I saw the Cross on Salvation Mountain. I saw the Crosses that my mom placed all over her house. I saw the Cross in the midst of the tragic loss of life, when so much ended for so many. I saw the Cross in a new sanctuary. Still speaking to listening ears.
Ponder the Cross of Jesus. Let the Man of Sorrows cover your sin and shame. Walk with Him… listen to Him… confess your sins to Him… receive His forgiveness… He. Loves. You.
every moment is in the past every experience dissolves into a memory as soon as a moment in time arrives it retreats into yesterday the crimson and deep blue sea colors of a sunrise merge with a new day and they quietly disappear after loudly announcing the gift of a new day a photograph tries to stretch the brevity of the moment
but it remains powerless to make the moment last it only amplifies the memory which in turn makes the moment more elusive it only brings to our consciousness that the moment has slipped away and continues to slip away beyond our reach it only represents the beauty and majesty of the Creator and brings us face to face with this mysterious transient thing that we call life which i think is why an old stoic and wise man once said
It is better to go to a home where there is mourning than to one where there is a party, because the living should always remind themselves that death is waiting for us all. Sorrow is better than laughter; it may sadden your face, but it sharpens your understanding. Someone who is always thinking about happiness is a fool. A wise person thinks about death. *
a bit dark
i suppose
but also true
pondering impermanence stills our striving for things that do not last heals our hearts of passions that never satisfy pauses our pride in who we think we are
so i will welcome the loud colors let the moments slip away even as i too am slipping away following the crimson and deep blue colors pondering the promises of a heavenly voice
He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. **
i wonder what she’s praying for she’s pleading for she’s kneeling for i wonder what this child of God is asking of her Lord
perhaps for peace inside her soul and in this world and in this world perhaps for peace inside your soul won’t you plead with her now
perhaps for love inside her soul and in your heart and in your heart perhaps for love inside her soul won’t you plead with her now
i wonder what she’s praying for she’s pleading for she’s kneeling for i wonder what this child of God is asking of her Lord
perhaps for rest from all her pain from all her pain from all her pain perhaps for rest for you and me from all the pain we feel
perhaps for pardon from her sins from her sins from her sins perhaps for pardon for your sins won’t you implore with her now
i wonder what she’s praying for she’s pleading for she’s kneeling for i wonder what this child of God is asking of her Lord
i wonder if we all could kneel we all could kneel we all could kneel i wonder if we all could kneel and join her right now cry out with her now be humble with her now be a child of God right now
in and around this tattered old town nestled in the state of my mind taking a stroll on the pathways through my soul standing on the corner i see memories of younger days melodies of different ways on a street named regret at the corner of joy looking for an answer or two reaching for something true since i was a boy
acceptance forgiveness and gratitude my heart yearns for something more than the sum total of my days so i set my gaze on things above the unseen real unfailing love
and i wait
and choose to be still
as the sun
settles down
on this old tattered town
i welcome
the end of this day
knowing it is the only way
to a new dawn
another pathway
hidden in the Light
safe in Him
i rise
i am safe in Him
i’ll rise
something solid something sure at the beginning of the end and i am feeling insecure what will it take for this heart to settle down i think it’s something solid something sure
something that lasts something i can count on i can’t seem to stop surrendering to the stories i tell myself no happy endings why am i spending time in all the shadows won’t you tell me please what will it take for my mind to be at ease i think something that lasts something i can count on
something quiet something safe when it all unravels when the puzzle pieces don’t match the picture on the box what will it take for my soul to rest for my eyes to see i think it must be something quiet something safe
there is an old story of the Son of Man that abides through the centuries He walked upon the same ancient soil that i stumble upon His words true and sure pierce my heart and a small glowing calm lifts my head
for He was before and will always be His love is for all time and my mind can’t understand but i choose to anchor my thoughts to the peace of His everlasting wisdom His never ending love
and into all my searching in the midst of all the bingeing and the scrolling He shouts stillness into the noise of my life calming restoring reminding renewing resurrecting and singing over me the pain remains but i am unharmed confusion seems to hold sway but my fear is consoled by His presence beside me above me beneath me all around me there is a storm but He is
we sing of a silent night and of a Wonderful Counselor born on a bleak mid-winter of starry skies and angel choirs while rushing here and late again there parties and gatherings there’s so much left on our lists
we want Christmas in our culture but is Christ in our hearts buy now pay later real time tracking replaces real time reflecting pondering the Prince of Peace Immanuel God with us
we wail and cry for the suffering in this world while we pass by the violence we commit against ourselves we stream and binge have another drink or two or we click buy now pushing the pain away hoping this shallow happiness will stay even though we know it’s just a matter of time before that dark cold low presses on our chest so we keep doing maybe later later we will rest
the hope of the world this baby boy born into the icy darkness of our souls is He welcome in the home of your heart
the light of the world born into the chaos that is our pain do we surrender to His invitation filled with grace and truth
for He entered into our suffering He walked this place of sorrows the Creator holds the universe in the palm of his tiny hands
O Jesus little baby boy hold me help me have mercy on me
rutakintome pictures 
You must be logged in to post a comment.