just cruisin’

Here are too many images from a cruise vacation we recently enjoyed. These images are from the ship at sea, Key West, Florida, and Labadee, Haiti. Thanks for stopping by.

this surprise quiz called life

it feels like
it’s just out of my reach
just beyond my grasp
like a black and white ocean
through sad glass

the swells and sighs of the sea
capture my gaze
for a moment
time is as endless
as the white caps on the waves
that parade across the horizon

the answers
to the unspoken questions
on this surprise quiz called life 
the sadness that always
seems to rise inside
failure songs
refrains of shame
all that i don’t know or see
of the ocean depths in me

oh spirit swept waves of grace
drown me in your peace
let my countenance be raised
my fear assuaged
my longing engaged
in the rapture
of your ways
i surrender
helper
comforter
to your ways

kings park psychiatric center – 3

This is the third and last post from a visit to the Kings Park Psychiatric Center with my brother on a recent trip back to New York. While walking the grounds we came upon this wall that appeared to be the remains of some kind of outdoor gathering place. (?)

The textures were fascinating here. And those trees! Just incredible how they found life, water and sustenance through the brick and stone.

On the left side was a small storage room (?) guarded by a fallen tree that we were hoping was the opening of a tunnel.

This was inside that room.

Thanks for stopping by.

kings park psychiatric center – 2

This is the 2nd of 3 posts from a recent trip back home to New York. My brother invited me to explore the abandoned Kings Park Psychiatric Center. The psychiatric center was built on 800 acres of land. We only explored a tiny portion of the property and its buildings. This post focuses more on the incredible artwork that is very much a part of this abandoned landscape.

building 93

On a recent trip back home to New York my brother invited me to hike some trails on the north shore of Long Island and visit the abandoned King’s Park Psychiatric Center. He encouraged me to bring my camera – glad I did. The sprawling campus of this abandoned facility is something to behold. It is fascinating to see so many old buildings and realize they were filled with patients and all kinds of professional and support personnel. A Google search will return the sad, tragic saga of this facility. This is Building 93. It is much more ominous than these images reveal.

caregiver

husband
father
provider
papa
great papa
dad
caregiver

for years
he’s been by her side
coffee in the morning
every meal
prepared with pride
keeping track
of all the meds
cleaning and cooking
making the bed
letting go of self
in untold ways
after retirement dreams
placed on the shelf
he tries his best
and without rest
he serves her
he loves her

caregiver
such a lonely place
none will ever know
nor can ever trace
the chores
and trips to the stores
how patiently
he listens
in the bickering
it’s sometimes hard
to keep emotions
in line
still he sighs
and tries to understand
tries to let it go
tries to show
that it’s okay
really
i don’t think
he would want it
any other way
just the other day
he said
“after all she’s done for me i serve her”

real men
like my dad
realize that it’s
not what you have
it’s not what you take
or what you win
or what you gain
it’s losing yourself
to serve another
denying yourself
to comfort another
love is not a word
it’s washing her feet
helping her dress
cleaning the mess
changing the sheets
and all rest
that won’t
fit on this page

some might say
he is a hero
bigger than life
exemplary
extraordinary
and they would be right
but i think in the end
my dad loves his wife
his precious friend
it’s Freddy and Carmen
with love in their hearts
right from the start
they meant it
till death do us part
he’s still serving his bride

still
by
her
side

so much love

i suppose
that when
in your 90’s
that the road
behind you
has more to tell
than the road ahead
and instead of the worry
and the hurry
to get
where you thought
you should be
you listen to
that long long road

i hear my mom
as she walks that road
and stops along the way
she pauses and wonders
what can she say
to give thanks to God
for her family
what can she say
to give thanks to God
for all the love
that surrounded
her journey

in one story
she laments her losses
then as the tears are flowing
a moment comes to the surface
and suddenly she laughs
sorrow harmonizes with joy
laughter sings with tragedy
but still
still gives thanks
and on that road
she remembers
all the gifts
without number
that she has shared
with family
with friends

now she’s tired
her most frequent visitor
is pain
here eyes are dim
but her voice
doesn’t wane
as she skips down that road
picking memories
like a beautiful rose
she holds in her hands
the important things
that somehow
we forget
but she knows
and her wisdom falls
like sweet silver snow
on the hearts
of all who listen
bringing light
and it just glistens
in your soul

she recalls the years
with pride
and with deep lament
she speaks
of her mom and dad
her sisters
her brothers
with thankfulness
carried by her tears
she speaks of their love
so
much
love

there is a power
in her spirit
that pays no attention
to her age
or the sheer exhaustion
of each day
her diminished frame
is a sanctuary
of strength
and love

i hope i have passed along
the smallest portion
of her love to my family
for even a fragment
of that love
would fill the world
would flood a soul
would help mend the wounds
we all carry

thank you mom
for speaking truth
for remembering to laugh
for lamenting all the sadness
for all your love
so
much
love

january jones beach

Back on Long Island visiting my elderly parents, which means a visit and long walk along the shore at Jones Beach. Temperatures in the 40’s, and breezy, but a gorgeous day!

i sang along

i heard some music today
the rhythm section of a little girl
skipping behind her mom

a gentle touch
from a medical sage
as he sang
-  you’re going to be okay -

the pale brown dried hydrangeas
shivering or dancing
to the melody
of this damp winter wind

i heard the horn section
of one member
of the bumper to bumper traffic
play a long steady tone
no doubt the driver
was in the fermata lane
and rules are rules

even the gray sky
somehow drew it’s bow
across the horizon
a deep ostinato
boasting of its power
to tame the light

it’s all music to me
a chaos of simplicity
a pale beauty
a human connection
a reason to dance
when there is no reason
to be found
so

i
sang
along

the sun at matthiessen park

It’s not the cold or the snow that can be difficult in the winter. For me, it’s the lack of sunshine. We seem to have the following four seasons in this part of the Midwest: Cloudy, Spring, Summer and Fall. So, I was so grateful when the clouds took a break and allowed the sun to brighten a recent hike at Matthiessen Park. Hope the sun is shining where you are. Thanks for stopping by.