so much love

i suppose
that when
in your 90’s
that the road
behind you
has more to tell
than the road ahead
and instead of the worry
and the hurry
to get
where you thought
you should be
you listen to
that long long road

i hear my mom
as she walks that road
and stops along the way
she pauses and wonders
what can she say
to give thanks to God
for her family
what can she say
to give thanks to God
for all the love
that surrounded
her journey

in one story
she laments her losses
then as the tears are flowing
a moment comes to the surface
and suddenly she laughs
sorrow harmonizes with joy
laughter sings with tragedy
but still
still gives thanks
and on that road
she remembers
all the gifts
without number
that she has shared
with family
with friends

now she’s tired
her most frequent visitor
is pain
here eyes are dim
but her voice
doesn’t wane
as she skips down that road
picking memories
like a beautiful rose
she holds in her hands
the important things
that somehow
we forget
but she knows
and her wisdom falls
like sweet silver snow
on the hearts
of all who listen
bringing light
and it just glistens
in your soul

she recalls the years
with pride
and with deep lament
she speaks
of her mom and dad
her sisters
her brothers
with thankfulness
carried by her tears
she speaks of their love
so
much
love

there is a power
in her spirit
that pays no attention
to her age
or the sheer exhaustion
of each day
her diminished frame
is a sanctuary
of strength
and lovem

i hope i have passed along
the smallest portion
of her love to my family
for even a fragment
of that love
would fill the world
would flood a soul
would help mend the wounds
we all carry

thank you mom
for speaking truth
for remembering to laugh
for lamenting all the sadness
for all your love
so
much
love

the sad sad shadows

so i think that we should sing
about the sad sad shadows
why do i keep remembering
their darkened glance
it seems that they want to dance
into the story
and at any moment
the sad sad shadows
fall on me

so about those sad sad shadows
inside those weathered picture frames
a broken promise here
something undone there
framed fractures and failures
each one calls my name
and the struggle starts again
with one word
oh the shadow
of shame
falls on me

so listen sad sad shadows
i remembered today
that you don’t have to stay
you’re not the whole story
Light and Glory
can rewrite your songs
mend all the wrongs
and scatter the darkness
not just for a moment
but for eternity
all these parts of me
will be
restored
once more

oh sad sad shadow
the final say
will not be yours
the Light will end the night
and all the sad sad shadows
will go away
and there will be
only
Light

rest in you

sometimes i feel
like i don’t belong
i’m not a part
of the song
that everyone
seems to know
and i wonder
if i’ll ever know
how to sing again

you see i’m not quite sure
what’s deep inside
i’m not quite sure
that i’m all right
i’m not quite sure
if i
matter
did i ever
matter

hey world
i wonder
if it’s okay with you
to quietly say
i’m not okay
i’m sad
and
don’t
know
why
i’m mad
and even when i try
to find some rest
all i find
is just a mess
i’m just a mess

so i still will pray
peace be still
God please
invade my heart
and my will
and let me see
what you see
in me
and rest
i am a mess
but i’ll rest
in You

i’ll rest
in You

so hello clouds

so can we talk about clouds today
it seems they took the sun away
and i’m in my overcast life
there’s something different about this light

so can we talk about clouds today
my head tells me that it’s okay
the Light is here and not far away
but it just doesn’t feel that way

cause in those cloudy skies
i think i see some dreams that cry
and dense dark memories
why did i say those things
or why didn’t i say
anything at all
i wish those clouds would fall
in rain and storms of healing
let it rain
let it rain

so can we talk about clouds today
i suppose if they never came
i might lose the love of Light
and forget that those clouds
do give me sight

i see you and me
and the story
that only can be told
if there are clouds
so dreary is not the end
you’ll see
i choose to sing
to sing out loud

so
hello
clouds

family joy

Soren!

I hope you will allow a little grand-parenthood indulgence…. Soren is our first grandchild, and, I highly recommend the great wide wonderful world of grandchildren. I only knew my father’s mom: a gentle, loving soul, so, for me, it’s an extra special joy to be able to make memories and share life with this little guy. And, of course, that’s my beautiful bride with Soren. Thank you for letting me indulge.

Ruth and Soren