letting go

at this ripe young age
can it be three score
as i turn each page
i know less not more
and the more of less i know
it seems
it’s about letting go

i let go of the boy
i used to be
though he still
seems to want his own way
so still letting go
of my selfish ways
that boy won’t go away
that’s okay
i’m learning
letting go

i let go of just me
“i do” means now “we”
can it be two score
and there is so much more
of letting go
that i need to know
for “we”

letting go of
seeking me in her
letting go
of smashing mirrors
with my pride
letting go
of thinking
it’s better to hide
letting go
of staying inside
my head
letting go
of keeping my heart
to myself
i guess
the long slow road
of letting go of self

letting go
of expectations
of
well
everything
and
everyone
letting go
of just taking
letting go
of just faking
that we’re all okay

i pray i practice well
all the lettings go’s
that wait for me
‘cause someday soon
the last let go
will come into my room
and i want peace
and i want to know
that all those other letting go’s
will help me see
what waits for me
is an eternal embrace
it really is amazing grace
He never has
and never will
let go
of me

the story teller

i took a breath
listen
i took another one
i can hear
the soft hush
of oxygen
entering my lungs
bringing life
listen
another hush
is this what life sounds like

i opened my eyes
color
light
darkness
shadows
hues
stars
sunsets
waterfalls
my little girl’s
impossibly tiny
fingers
the gaze
of my beloved eyes
they all fell
through the windows
of my eyes
i opened my eyes
is this what life looks like

i felt something
the slightest variation
of texture
of temperature
an embrace
a fall day
wrapped in
a favorite sweatshirt
the caress of snowflakes
on my face
is this what life
feels like

i heard a sound
a song
a melody
the waves crashing
on the shore
the symphony
of autumn leaves
my little boy
is crying
thunder calling
across the sky
someone said
i love you
is this what life
sounds like

and life can taste
so sweet
as coffee
chases the donut
ice cream’s
creamy comfort
the delight of strawberries
i can smell
each fallen leaf
calling winter near
the scent of summer rain
and the blackened
marshmallow
in the snappy campfire
is this the aroma
and flavor
of life

and what of all the pain
and sorrow too
countless tears
and so alone
and shame chases
me down the years
is this what
life is

transcendence
calls me home
the unseen real
touches my soul
i long for a place
that is real
that is safe
at home with
the author
of my soul
complete
and whole
finally at peace
is this
what eternal
life is

yes
to all the above
and more

i
am
here

no
one
took
me away

so
yes
to
life

yes
to
the
story teller
of
life

rest in you

sometimes i feel
like i don’t belong
i’m not a part
of the song
that everyone
seems to know
and i wonder
if i’ll ever know
how to sing again

you see i’m not quite sure
what’s deep inside
i’m not quite sure
that i’m all right
i’m not quite sure
if i
matter
did i ever
matter

hey world
i wonder
if it’s okay with you
to quietly say
i’m not okay
i’m sad
and
don’t
know
why
i’m mad
and even when i try
to find some rest
all i find
is just a mess
i’m just a mess

so i still will pray
peace be still
God please
invade my heart
and my will
and let me see
what you see
in me
and rest
i am a mess
but i’ll rest
in You

i’ll rest
in You

dear mommy dear daddy

dear mommy
dear daddy
i’m sorry
you’re sad
i want you
to know that
i am
with Peace
i am
at peace

dear mommy
dear daddy
this wasn’t
your fault
i want you
to know that
i am free
of pain

dear mommy
dear daddy
when grieving
gives space
the light
that you gave me
let it shine
in this world
so many
are living
but they’re
not alive
lonely
forgotten
and screaming
inside
it would
make me
so happy
to know
you
are
listening

dear mommy
dear daddy
give others
what you
gave me
love
light
life

dear mommy
dear daddy
if i could just say
this longing
this knowing
it’s not supposed
to be this way
we all know it
we all see it
do you know
what it means
that we all
know this place
that we never
have seen
where all is made right
no darkness only light
where mommies
and daddies
at the end of the day
hug their children
and play
and love
is over all
in all
between all
so let us all pray
Your Kingdom come
Your will be done
on earth
as it is
in heaven

- written with lament, sorrow, love and prayers for those who lost everything and for the community of Uvalde

oh sing my soul

the tomb is empty
and all the emptiness inside
is filled with light
don’t have to run and hide
i will rise
because He lives
 
the tomb is empty
and all the sin inside
all the tears i cried
no matter what i tried
only your life
has resurrected mine
 
the tomb is empty
and all i’m hoping for
this moment now
and forevermore
 
oh sing my soul
i have a home
that will never
fade away
oh sing my soul
all will be new
He is the way
the truth
the life
 
the tomb is empty
and all the shame inside
is gone
His love abides
in my broken soul
i am whole
for He rose
and the tomb
is empty

forever i am yours

there is a river of love
coming down for us
flowing down for us
my Lord

there is a river of hope
reaching out for us
speaking into us
my Lord

i don’t know what to make
of this world anymore
i’m tired of crying
want to see a different shore
i don’t know what to make
of these anxious thoughts
i don’t think i can take
all this pain we’ve wrought
my Lord
here’s my life
here’s my heart

there is a river of peace
oh He’s here for me
oh He’s here for you
my Lord

there is a river of life
washing over us
healing all of us
my Lord

i don’t know what to make
of this world anymore
i’m tired of crying
want to see a different shore
i don’t know what to make
of this sadness inside
just want to be awake
on the other side
my Lord
here’s my life
here’s my heart

there is a river of light
shining in the dark
singing in my heart
my Lord

there is a river of time
forever i am yours
forever i am yours
my Lord

forever i am yours
my Lord

remember

so i thought
i don’t know
that somehow
we would be different

so i thought
you and i
would be that story
that others
would love to tell

we just
seem to
stay in one place
choosing
immobility
you blame me
i blame you
standing in the pain
with you
brings no light

we said
i do
we said
i’ll stay
come pain
or joy
in loss
in light
we’re in
the wrong
fight

so i thought
so let’s just
look
into each other eyes
take each other’s hand
and gently remember

remember
love
remember
i do
remember
the vows
remember
together
remember
forgive me
remember
love
never
gives
up

remember

i

love

you

all around me

the last goodbye is coming soon
at least sooner than i every knew
trusting that the Light behind me
will be above me
beneath me
before me
all around me

still walking on this road with you
still leaving shadows behind
don’t want to be swallowed up
by all the wrong
the things i said
the things i’ve done
in Your love
those shadows flee
they are gone
in the Light of Your love

this life is long
and yet we know
the yesterdays are longer still
a line called life
stretches behind me
so i'm making a new yesterday
today

looking before me along the way
faith and hope and love will stay
so let me walk along this road
to the Light
in the Light
this burden is light
with You
behind me
above me
beneath me
before me
inside me
all around
me

i talked to my tears

i talked to my tears today
they had so much to say
as they left my heart
and painted my face
sometimes i’m torn apart
by this crazy race
called life

i talked to my tears today
they had so much to say
as i felt the weight
of my head in my hands
sometimes i can’t think straight
longing for love in the hate
in all the races that shine
so beautifully shine

i talked to my tears today
they had so much to say
tell me more of the me
that must be renewed
that must be
changed
transformed
rearranged
in the deep
by love from above

i talked to my tears today
they had so much to say
so i spoke about hope
that there is a day
when justice will come
pain will be gone
and tears wiped away
on the shores of that day
all nations will sing dance and play

questions

do you know your worth
do you see your value
do you know you are highly favored

do you have hope
do you have peace
do you

what is your why
did you rise with the light
has the light dimmed inside

angry again
did you let it go
will you finally forgive

do you know your worth
do you see your value
do you know you are highly favored

does fear guide you
is unrest your norm
what do you worship

and what of love
did you lock up your heart
is love pain free

what makes your cry
where does the sorrow come from
do you feel

do you know your worth
do you see your value
do you know you are highly favored

are you free
are you waiting
are you remembering

where do you look
where is your comfort
where is your healing

how are you doing
really

is there color in your step
a reason to see a new day
something to live and die for

do you know your worth
do you see your value
do you know you are highly favored